Title: Nova: East of Eden Author: Angel- JumperChick@aol.com Feedback: I love it more then chocolate. Rating: NC-17 for possible graphic violence and sexual situations. Disclaimer: Not mine, I'm making no money, just playing. Classification: Angst, Post-Colonization-sequel to my fic 'Nova', available at my page, Gossamer, and, Annex to name a few. Spoilers: It's a WIP, so I really don't know what will happen. But anything up to but not including the 7^th season finale is fair game. PLEASE PLEASE don't try to read this fic without reading 'Nova' first. Thank you. Summery: You didn't think it was going to end there, did you?! With a happy ending! Evie, my muse, and I are all laughing. Dedication: To Evie for her always perfect beta job and from the get go listening to my endless questions and whining. Melissa for her more then excited response when I told her of this fic, her encouragement and beta. And to all the original 'Nova' readers, I became addicted to your feedback and just had to get some more of it. I hope this WIP can live up the standards "Nova' set for me. Part 1 Prologue Five years after the completion of 'Nova' Present day From the moment Mulder came to me after the first attack, to take me from my ruined apartment and bring me to Nova with the hope of a chance to prosper my life has been out of control. From that instant on They have had the upper hand. Not all things in this life have been bad, not when I stop and think of the whole picture. For a short while I hid behind that idea, let it flood my thoughts. I thought maybe, just maybe everything Mulder and I have accomplished overrode what They have managed to do to this world. But it just wasn't true. I finally accepted that my life, and the life of my family, would forever be ruled by Them if I let it. I left everything I knew of a life because I had no choice, because They destroyed it. But I wouldn't let Them destroy me, Mulder wouldn't let Them. Following Mulder was second nature to me, I never questioned that he would take care of me. And he has, the best he can. He has always taken it upon himself to look after me, even when I don't want him to. Being the man he is he accepted the request to run Nova. I encouraged him to, it seemed right at the time. Nova needed someone strong minded and sane. But it has reeked havoc on me since then. I'm the one that has to keep Mulder sane, holding him when he is weak and dealing with his pigheadedness. It's not an easy job, but it's one that I gladly comply to. I owe him that and much much more. He gave me a second chance at life, he gave me a beautiful family, and he loves me unconditionally. And he doesn't ask much of me. I ask-no I expect so much from him. He gives and gives and it's never enough for me. How much can I ask before he can't give anymore? As hard as I imagine I can't see that happening. After everything we have been through, even before They came, Mulder and I are just too important to each other. I didn't think it was possible for us to become closer, but everything we have been through, everything we have seen has done just that. I can't live without him, I know that. Looking at him now, sleeping soundly in bed next to me I can't believe how lucky I am that this man cares for me how he does. He's everything to me, he's my life. But I just can't deal with how I am existing in this life anymore. It has taken so much out of me, so much out of us. And now, we don't have much to show for it. Maybe it was the deaths that got to me. So many. In so many different ways. Natural and not. Most unfair and untimely. It's amazing I've made it this long. I can still remember, like yesterday the first time Mulder and I set foot in the place. Tired and hungry. So ready to trust, it is was unlike us. But we aren't the same people as we were before we came to Nova. Only slight changes to the on looker, but I know Mulder as well as I know myself, I see all the little things. And the not so little things. A part of Mulder dies every time something horrible happens at Nova. When a part of him dies, a part of me dies. I don't know how much more I can take. How much more hell I can watch go by. It's a ticking bomb before something else happens. Who knows if we will be as lucky, if that's what you can call it, as we have been so far. So many people have lost so much. It's so hard to watch people suffer. Knowing its going to happen again is the worst. Knowing that we could very well be next is dreadful to realize. We all know it's just a matter of time. I don't want to be here when time runs out. Notes: I'm back! I thought my muse was dead, turns out she just really likes Nova and nothing else. So, let's make my muse happy, ok? Anyway, this prologue is just my way of getting East of Eden out there. By the way, thank you Evie for the title. So once again, I have a mailing list out for this. If you want to join just let me know. Parts will NOT be coming out as fast as they did with Nova, I just can't do it. But I hope to have part 2 out very soon. For those of you who are worried, the parts will be longer then this. Again, this is just to get my foot in the door so to speak. Hey, remember that thing called feedback that I love so much? *hint hint* =) Part 2 of ? Present day... I've watched many deaths in my life. I've even caused some. There is a big difference in watching a criminal bleed to death, watching them writhe in pain, I'm ashamed to say that gives me a sense of pride. Knowing they are feeling, if only a small portion, of the pain they inflicted on their victims and their families. But being witness to an innocent death is another story. I have seen many of those too, and each one haunts me at night. Even worse than that is an array of deaths because I stood in the center of the Medical Room completely at a loss for what to do. Those deaths haunt me while I'm awake. It all started to go bad, really bad, our second winter here. People began coming into the Medical Room with coughs, hard wet coughs that turned into a deadly fever. No matter how hard I tried nothing I would do could help. It just got worse. I scrubbed my skin and changed my clothes before I left the room every time. People thought I was over reacting when I began a quarantine as the symptoms became worse. But, three days later, when we started removing the dead bodies from Nova, that stopped. That was a long winter. I don't even know how many people died. Some made it though, as long as the fever didn't set in they had a chance. Sometimes, when it's quiet, I can still hear the wheezing of so many on their deathbeds, trying desperately to get what could be their last breath. 4 years earlier... Early winter Scully's hands still burned from the harsh scrubbing she gave her body. Still she felt as if the microscopic germs were crawling on her flesh, waiting to infect the next unknowing victim. Shaking off those thoughts the best she could, Scully opened the door to her room. Silence met her as she stifled a yawn with the back of her hand. "Hey." Mulder said in a low voice, rising from his chair to meet her as she walked towards Aeryn's bed. "I just put her to bed, she fell right to sleep." Scully nodded absentmindedly as she looked down at her daughter, reaching out to push the soft ringlets of light hair from her cheek. "She wanted to stay up and wait for you but...." Mulder trailed off, knowing Scully didn't want to talk about the Sickness. Not wanting to talk about it himself. His arms wrapped tightly around her waist, he rested his head on her shoulder. Scully immediately stiffened, thinking of all the particles of Death lingering on her body, even after all her carefulness. "Aeryn wanted me to give you a kiss goodnight for her." Mulder murmured in her ear. His words made the tension melt from her body. She turned her head to accept his gentle kiss. Scully was dead on her feet. The thought of her soft bed with her warm husband was fantastic, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from her child yet. Aeryn was Scully's miracle. No matter how hard her day was, no matter what horrible things this world brought to her the sight of her daughter made everything better, even if it was only for a short while. Aeryn was always there at the end of her day. Always smiling and beautiful and happy. Her little angel. Well....most of the time. "Did she give you any trouble eating dinner?" Scully turned in Mulder's embrace, her other savoir. Always there to listen, to talk to, or to just be with. For as long as she knew Mulder, his selflessness when it came to her was still a shock. After long days working at Nova, when it was obvious he just wanted to collapse in bed, he would stay awake long enough to massage the kinks out of Scully's shoulders. Or to whisper to Aeryn some insane fairy tale he made up on the spot to put her to sleep, so that Scully could rest. The list was endless. Mulder was truly devoted to his family, and amazingly enough it made Scully love him even more. Mulder laughed softly at her question, rolling his eyes good naturally. "No more then usual." He looked around Scully with a smile at their sleeping child. "Are the terrible two's over yet?" Huffing, Scully snuggled up to the warmth his body gave off. "Not by a long shot." "Let's get you into bed." He whispered as Scully pressed her face into his chest to stifle another yawn. Her nod against him was weak and short. Mulder hugged her tightly to his body while he pivoted on his feet. Backing Scully up he sat her on the edge of the bed and kneeled down to pull off her shoes. "It's getting worse." She whispered, staring off at the wall behind Mulder as he eased her pants off her legs. "A dozen people came in today. Eight with a fever of over one hundred." Scully blinked slowly, bringing the room back into focus as Mulder swung her legs up onto the bed. "What am I going to do, Mulder?" Her voice caught in her throat, making her swallow dryly-causing her throat to restrict in the need to cough. But she swallowed it, afraid she would start to contribute to the coughing that filled the Medical Room. A sigh, soft and thoughtful, was Mulder's only answer for a moment as he settled into bed on his side next to Scully. He tucked her hair behind her ear. "You are going to keep doing just what you are. Researching and studying this disease as you make everyone as comfortable as you can." "It's not enough." Cupping her jaw gently Mulder brought her eyes level with his. "You are doing everything you can. That's all that people ask of you, Scully. That's all they expect-" "I should be able to do more." She interrupted, her voice rising in frustration. "Don't." He dropped his tone to just a breath of a whisper. "Don't do this to yourself." Moving closer he tucked Scully's head under his chin, effectively ending the conversation. She was silent with her thoughts for many moments, fiddling with the worn cotton of Mulder's shirt. "I just....I just don't know what to do." She whispered finally. Mulder lowered his lips to her temple. After dropping a light kiss there he let out a soft breath against her skin. "We'll figure something out." Three days later... Scully stepped out of the quarantine room and into a smaller attached room to clean up. Setting the water to boil on the stove, she began pulling off her dirty clothes after checking to be sure the door was locked. Three bodies had just been taken out. Scully couldn't bear to see anymore, Amanda could tell and told her to go home to her family. Scully didn't argue. So she began her ritual of scrubbing her skin with the harsh soap made at Nova. Thirty minutes later she slowly began to dress in clean clothes. Her tired mind and aching muscles fighting the whole time. Her stomach grumbled in complaint of being empty for too long, but Scully didn't have the energy to eat. She just wanted her bed. Finally, for the first time since early that morning, Scully stepped out into the hallways of Nova. They seemed oddly quiet. Just over two dozen people were in quarantine, all with fevers. Scully knew it was just a matter of time before they died. Many others stayed in their rooms. Maybe they were hoping that locking themselves up with their loved ones would stop infestation. The smart individuals were the people who spent as much time as possible in the fresh air. Even if it was cold with bitter wind, it was clean air. "Scully, wait up." She turned on her heel to see Mulder jogging slowly down the hallway towards her, a bundle of firewood in the carrier swaying at his side. Striding up to her he took her chin in his hand and kissed her lightly. "Where's Aeryn?" It was unusual to see Mulder without Aeryn. She was infatuated with her father and went anywhere and everywhere she could with him. "Playing with William still." Scully nodded. If Aeryn wasn't with Mulder she would bet money-if it still meant anything in this world-that she was with Skinner and Amanda's son. He was only six months younger then her, people were always teasing that they would be married in twenty years. "I have to pick her up on the way back to our room." He said as he stooped to retrieve a small piece of wood that tumbled from the carrier. Scully's exhausted mind took a moment to order her legs to slow down and wait for him. Mulder's breath caught harshly in his throat as he started to rise. Dropping the wood at his feet a hand went to his throat as he started to cough. Gently at first. Then with more force. So much that he could barely get enough air in. "Mulder?" Scully called softly. Barely hearing her plea over his hacking, Mulder held out a hand as he stayed doubled over, not wanting her to come any closer. One hand fiddled nervously with the chains around her neck as she watched Mulder struggle. Scully only stopped when the gold and silver chains tightened suddenly around her throat, causing her to jump in surprise and release them. Glancing away from Mulder briefly enough she looked down to see the gold cross and silver star spinning wildly against the blue cotton of her shirt as the chains unwound themselves. "Mulder, are you ok?" She asked again a moment later after he fell silent. He nodded quickly, not trusting his voice just yet. Scully quickly stepped up to him, running her cool hands over his forehead and neck. "You don't feel warm." "I'm ok." Mulder said tentatively, afraid that speaking would start him coughing again. "That came out of no where..." He trailed off as he met Scully's eyes. Her lower lip was quivering just slightly, her eyes filled with fearful tears. Reassuringly he touched her arm. "Really. I feel fine." Closing her eyes suddenly, Scully clasped a hand over her mouth for a moment, trying to compose herself. Stepping closer to Mulder she laid her hand over his chest, feeling his heart still beating fast from the coughing. "I'm so scared." She admitted in a whisper. Scully didn't say what she was a afraid of. She didn't have to. Mulder knew, they shared their fears just like everything else. Present day.... It seemed after a short while everyone was coughing. When Aeryn started I thought my heart would stop. I drove her two-year-old impatient self, crazy taking her temperature every hour on the hour. I didn't sleep through a night for over two months. Mulder was about ready to strap me into the bed. But when I would wake up for some unknown reason there was no way I could rest until I laid my hand on Mulder's forehead to be sure he was ok, then I would have to crawl out of bed to check Aeryn before I could rest again. No matter how hard I tried I always woke Mulder. It was one of the middle of the night trips out of bed that I noticed the change in Nova. It was always silent. Even in the daytime sound didn't travel well in the hallways. But then, at the height of the Sickness, I could hear the coughing and wheezing. Muffled by the walls, but it was there. "Mulder?" I had said softly, as to not wake Aeryn, as I crawled back into bed. "Is she ok?" Mulder may not have approved of me rising countless times during the night, but I have a feeling if I hadn't been he would have himself. More then a few times I caught him out of the corner of my eye placing a hand on Aeryn's forehead. And when he would stroke my cheek so many times during the day, he would linger just a bit longer then usual. I nodded to him as I cuddled back up in the warm sheets. "Do you hear that?" I had whispered. Part of me was afraid it was all in my head. Maybe I had the Fever and was hallucinating. "The coughing, Mulder. Do you hear everyone coughing?" He had only nodded, tucking my hair behind my ear. "You need to take Aeryn outside with you tomorrow." I said that to him every night. Many times. He probably thought I was insane the way I repeated myself over and over when he knew that needed to be done. "You both need to be in the fresh air. Take her outside with you." For months those were my last words before I fell asleep. 4 years earlier... Late winter Leaning against the doorway of the stock room Scully watched Mulder as he sorted through a shelf. Sensing her presence Mulder turned and gave her a soft smile. It faded as he took in her defeated posture. "What, Scully?" She took a deep breath as she stepped into the large cool room. "Um...Byers...He..." Scully trailed off, not knowing what to say. Raising her head she met his eyes. Feeling her throat tighten and her eyes glaze over with tears she shook her head as she reached out to lay her hand on his arm. Mulder sucked in a deep breath, turning his eyes away from hers. For a moment he just stared at the wall beside them, unseeing. "When?" He asked without looking at her. The question caught Scully off guard. "Just about a half hour ago." She said quickly. The truth was she didn't really know when he died. The quarantine room was full of the sick. Amanda had come up to her, took her to the side and told her softly that Byers had passed on. Mulder nodded solemnly. "Did they take his body out yet?" Another question that caught Scully off guard. "Yes, a few minutes ago." Nodding once more he stepped out of her reach and around her, towards the door. "Mulder, wait." Pausing in the doorway he tilted his head slightly in her direction. Scully somehow knew he wanted to witness the burning. "Can I come with you?" He turned fully at her question, his hand reaching out towards her. "Please." The cold air burned Scully's lungs and throat, sore from constant coughing. She and Mulder stood under the cover of a large pine tree, trying to avoid the heavy snowfall. They where far enough away from the other bystanders to be seen but not heard. When they had walked out Mulder had given a single nod to Frohike and Langly. Nothing else. Mulder pulled Scully back against him as they watched the newest bodies being brought out of a side door of Nova. It was impossible to tell who was who. Each body was wrapped in its own bedclothes. The train of bodies seemed endless, Scully forced herself to stop counting after seven. She turned her body into Mulder's, pressing her face into his shirt as a torch was brought to the base of the pile. Scully had insisted on the bodies being burned verses buried. This was the first time she was a witness to the event. She hadn't realized until this moment that she was denying the family member's a burial site. She couldn't even fathom what that must be like. Mulder just stared at the flames as they steadily licked their way up the pile, silent and almost motionless except for idly stroking Scully's hair as she leaned into him. Within moments the thick smell of burnt flesh filled the winter air. It was odd watching the destruction of so many bodies at once. A countless pile of people they both once knew. Turning, before their eyes, to a pile of ash and bone fragments that would be buried beneath the new snowfall before the next morning. And soon after that another stack of bodies would be burned like the one in front of them now. They stood silently as the bodies disappeared, the flames died into a pile of embers and everyone else left to mourn in their warm rooms. After long silent moments Scully turned to look up at Mulder. He was still staring, glassy eyed, at the burn site. Taking his hand gently in hers she tugged. "Come on, it's getting too cold." Mulder nodded, glancing at the rapidly setting sun. He took a step, allowing Scully to lead him back into Nova. He kept his eyes lowered, not wanting to look at the faces of his friends he may pass in the halls. Friends that could very well be dead within a few days. It seemed the walk took forever to get to their quiet room. Once Mulder shut the door behind them he pulled Scully against him, pressing his face into her hair. It only took a moment for her to realize he was hiding his tears. "Shh." She whispered, although he was silent. Running her hands up and down his arms a few times she took a hold of his waist and pulled him towards the bed. Sitting him down Scully quickly straddled his thighs. Cradling his face in her hands she kissed the tear streaks away as fast as they formed. "Don't cry." Scully coaxed, trying to ignore her own tears. Lowering her head she kissed him softly. Tasting the salt of his tears, feeling his warm hands settle comfortably on her waist. Scully's hands ran through his hair, one hand stopping to cup the base of his skull, the other moving to wrap low on his waist. His supple lips opened beneath hers. She swallowed his lingering sobs like she had done countless times before. They had little time alone, the curtain that separated Aeryn's bed from the rest of the room gave little privacy. Their bodies almost acted independent of their minds when they were actually alone. High emotions added to the situation. Therefore their lovemaking had turned even more emotional then before. Often quick and intense with little chance to enjoy the afterglow. Still they both treasured the time and were more then satisfied. Mulder suddenly pulled his mouth away from Scully. Resting his forehead on Scully's shoulder he coughed for a few moments. Scully stayed quiet. Stroking his back and kissing the side of his neck until the convulsions passed. The moment Mulder raised his head again Scully pulled his layers of shirts over his head. Pushing him back against the bed she ran her hands over the smooth skin of his chest. His heart thumped strongly beneath her hands, from the coughing or arousal she didn't know. She didn't care. All that she needed, all that he needed, at the moment was to feel. To feel alive, to feel pleasure which would bring them new found hope as it always did. With a gasp, Scully arched into Mulder's hands as they slid up the front of her shirt to cup her breasts. She struggled to pull her clothes off and keep Mulder's hot hands on her at the same time. With both of them naked from the waist up Mulder pulled Scully's chest down flat against him, groaning at the contact. "I love you." He whispered softly against her ear, before pulling the sensitive flesh into his mouth. Before Scully could return the sentiment he rolled her beneath him. Pinning her with a gentle rhythmic thrust of his hips. Scully huffed slightly in frustration, forcing room for her hands between their bodies. Mulder quickly rose on to his knees and they both struggled to remove the remaining clothing, becoming desperate to be with her. Falling back into the valley of her thighs he wasted no time sliding into the warmth and comfort of her body, causing Scully to take a sharp breath. Her reaction was of surprise, not discomfort. Over time they had both become accustomed to being efficient with their time. Mulder settled against her, a tender kiss on her check apologizing for his impatience before he began to move steadily inside her. His breath came in harsh pants against the dampening skin of her neck. Scully moaned softly as his fingers found her sensitive nipples, rolling and tweaking each one in turn. He lowered his lips to her ear and began whispering softly how she felt, how she made him feel. His loving and erotic words always made her writhe. It didn't take long before they both tired from the struggle to get enough air in their congested lungs. Mulder rested his weight as much as he dared against Scully's petite frame, grinding his hips against hers. Scully twisted and panted beneath him. Mulder's pubic bone rested firmly against her swollen clitoris. She gasped out his name as she raised her legs around his waist, causing him to sink deeper within her. Bucking against him she felt the tight coil of release deep in her belly. She sunk her nails in the skin of Mulder's back as her orgasm whipped through her. Mulder grimaced as she contracted strongly around his engorged flesh and thrust deeply, letting his own release take him. They rested against each other, panting and wheezing desperately. Present day... I thank God every day that spring came early that year. I don't know the exact number of people that died, no one does. Over a hundred, I know that, well over a hundred. One fifth of Nova's population, at the time, gone in one winter. That hell finally ended when the snow melted and we could finally open the doors of Nova. The cool spring breeze forced out the dank air. And with it, it seemed, the Sickness. Why the Sickness happened I don't know. Yes, Nova was poorly ventilated, but no one had been deathly ill prior to that winter. Some people think it was Them. That They wanted to kill Earth's inhabitants that the bombs had missed and this was their way. But then the Sickness would have been air born which means everyone should have been infected severely, not just the cough. Or maybe it was just Mother Nature's way to weeding out the population of Nova. We never had as many crops as we planed to. Bombings have destroyed the fields over and over again, making the planting process every year a tiring job. Our canned products left over from Before are sacred items, being saved for only the most desperate situation. I can't remember the last time I opened one of them. The Sickness left the halls of Nova quiet and dispirited. Children without parents and parents without their children. Entire families gone. Mulder and I were lucky to come out of that with our family intact. To say it was devastating doesn't even come close to a appropriate description. It was just the first in the long line of diabolical events. Part 3/? Present day.... Spring came. With less inhabitants there was a lot of work for everyone to do. But it seemed for the first time we were about to profit from the work. We built up our supplies and livestock and were even able to have meat twice a week. Nova flourished as much as possible in the face of such disaster. 4 years earlier... Early summer "Daddy, Daddy wake up." Mulder sighed softly at the insistent tugging at the corner of the blanket. Barely opening his eyes he rolled over and met Aeryn's distraught face. "My tummy hurts." She said softly, on the verge of tears. "I know, Sweetie. Come here." Slipping his hands beneath her little arms he pulled her between him and Scully, quickly tucking her beneath the warm covers. Scully kissed her forehead as she settled into the bed, one hand rubbing her belly, trying to ease the ache that occurred every night after eating meat. Her little body wasn't able to handle the sparse meals high in protein and fat. But Scully convinced her that it was for the better. A few hours of discomfort was worth the nutrition. Aeryn's young mind didn't comprehend, so she often spent hours at the table pushing her meal around until she actually finished it. More often then not before a few sessions of angry tears. She would then storm off to bed only to wake a few hours later to crawl in with them. It was the only time they allowed her to. Mulder rolled onto his side. "Better?" He asked, running his forefinger down the bridge of her tiny nose. Aeryn nodded enthusiastically and Mulder sighed inwardly knowing she would have to be settled down again, not the easiest thing to do. He glanced at Scully who gave him a look of pity and mild annoyance. "Daddy, will you tell me a story?" Aeryn asked as she fiddled with the cross around Scully's neck. Mulder groaned, with a smile. He knew that question was coming. "I don't know, Aeryn, I've told you all my stories." He watched as the light from the dwindling fire bounced off the gold cross as it shifted between her little fingers. The small charm was a fascination to her. Scully had lost count on how many times the little girl had asked when she would be given it. Scully's answer was always the same, as soon as she was old enough not to lose it by accident. At his response, Aeryn rolled her head towards him, dropping the cross, forgotten for the moment. "Daddy no teasing, tell me a story." She cried grinning. He brought his finger to his lips. "I'll tell you a story if you promise to be quiet and go right to sleep when I'm finished." Shifting happily between the sheets she nodded, her stomachache a distant memory. "I promise." "Ok. What do you want me to tell you about?" Aeryn's smooth brow wrinkled in thought as she rolled onto her belly, her face turned towards Mulder. "I dunno..." She murmured. Mulder smiled and winked over at Scully as he watched Aeryn's eyes begin to drift shut. He made a soft indifferent noise in response as he slipped his hand beneath her night shirt to gently run his fingertips up and down her spine. Her small body turned to jelly under his touch, it always worked. "I want a story." She mumbled, her eyes fluttering open for a moment. Leaning over he kissed her forehead. "You can have two tomorrow." Mulder wasn't sure if Aeryn heard his promise before she fell asleep or not but he would keep it anyway. He smiled up at Scully. "Out like a light." "That was too easy." She noted, running her fingers through the child's hair. "Too easy." He said with mock suspicion, narrowing his eyes at the small sleeping form at his side before he broke into an involuntary smile. Scully laughed softly, hand still stroking her head. "You want me to take her back to her bed?" He knew Scully wasn't too keen on having Aeryn sleeping in their bed. Her mother never allowed it so it was her impulse to do the same. She shook her head against her pillow. "In case she wakes up not feeling well I'd like to have her here." He didn't reply, fighting the urge to tease Scully on going soft on him. Mulder pulled his hand from beneath the sheets, reaching the short distance to Scully to stroke her cheek. "Go back to sleep." Letting out a lingering sigh she nodded and shut her eyes. Fully aware of Mulder's gaze on her as she began to drift off. He loved to watch her and Aeryn sleep side by side. It gave him time to categorize the similarities between mother and daughter. Underneath the round baby cheeks Mulder could see Scully's high cheekbones and slim nose. Matching rosebud mouths. Even without seeing their eyes he knew the color was almost the same, Aeryn's being just a shy grayer. "Mulder." His eyes quickly shot up to Scully's face, her eyes still closed. "Go to sleep." He smiled, stretching his arm over their daughter to rest on Scully's hip. Next morning... The first thing Scully did when she woke was smile at the vision of Aeryn sprawled on Mulder's chest, both sleeping soundly. She frowned when she realized how easily Aeryn could tumble off him and onto the floor. Straining her eyes in the dim firelight she could see the outline of Mulder's arm beneath the sheet, wrapped securely around their child's waist. She mentally chided herself for thinking Mulder would let their daughter be put in such a simple danger, even in his sleep. Suddenly she felt cold with the two of them curled up a few feet away. It was ridiculous but she slid closer anyway. Pillowing her head on Mulder's free arm she felt warm within a moment. Her internal clock told her she had another hour or so before she needed to wake, she couldn't think of a better way to spend it. In the back of his throat Mulder made a slight noise, between a grunt and a moan. He shifted slightly, only enough to turn his head and nuzzle Scully's hair. Present day... I have loved every moment of having my family. The late night fussing and feedings. The over tired and stressed out bickering between Mulder and I. We butted heads more then once on the ethics of raising our daughter. But we never went to bed angry. He was determined we would talk it out until things were better. It didn't take long before we learned to agree to disagree so we could get some sleep. For years, four years, I have gone to bed every night with a secret about my family. One I have kept from Mulder. Every night I have dealt with the guilt of leaving him in the dark. Perhaps if this happened Before and I was able to run tests and look within my body I wouldn't have to hide from him. But how can I tell him that I am the cause that we never had another baby? That it's my bodies fault that a baby Mulder never knew about died? Part 4/? Present day... Naturally Mulder is a very protective person. Having all that energy focused on me wasn't easy to deal with when it happened. I thought it would lessen when Aeryn was born. But I was wrong, it multiplied. Many times I had to take a deep breath and try to ignore him. After all it would do me no good to get angry. He just can't handle seeing me in distress. The same went for Aeryn. One night, it was getting late and I was tired, I just wanted to fall into bed then into a hopefully dreamless sleep. But Aeryn, being just a few months old then, had other ideas. She was a very well behaved baby, but she had her moments. This was one of them. She wasn't hungry, her diaper was dry, no fever, didn't want to be held or rocked or left in her crib alone it seemed. But Mulder wouldn't let her be, he just couldn't stand to watch her fuss and squirm. I silently watched him pace the room, bouncing Areyn lightly on his shoulder before I told him to just leave her in her crib, let her fuss until she cried to be nursed or wore herself out and fell asleep. He had turned and looked at me in complete shock, "I will NOT do that," then continued on. By his reaction you would have thought I told him to put her outside of Nova for the night until she behaved. Shortly thereafter I fell sleep. I woke, a few hours later, immediately knowing Mulder wasn't in bed. I turned to see him standing in the center of the room with Aeryn fast asleep on his shoulder. The look of complete relaxation and contentment was on his face as he held her, one hand lightly caressing her back, his cheek against her head. Each breath he took was deeper then usual as he inhaled that wonderfully fresh baby scent. I called to him softly, sorry to break the moment with his sleeping daughter, but knowing it was late and he needed his rest. He placed Aeryn in her crib after voicing his concerns that she would wake and fuss again. She did, but for only a moment before she rested again. Mulder stumbled into bed, obviously exhausted. I gladly took Aeryn's place nestled against his chest and we all slept through until the early morning when Aeryn demanded attention and food. She only behaved like that a few more times in her infancy, and Mulder always did that same thing. He can't handle suffering, his own is doable, but his family's is completely out of the question. So how could I tell him what happened? That I kept a pregnancy from him and mourned the loss on my own. I have been able to face most of the guilt over the years. I hadn't meant to keep the baby from him. I didn't want to keep his hopes up so I hadn't even mentioned the possibility. We had many false hopes after Aeryn was born, my period absent for months at a time, but soon I learned that was just how my body was handling our living conditions. We barely ever spoke about having another baby. There wasn't much reason to, both knowing it was something we wanted more then our next breath. But I couldn't allow our hopes to rise without reason. When I started to have morning sickness....I should have told him then. But this playful little voice in the back of my mind told me to wait, wait until I could think of a creative way to tell him our dream was coming true. It's not easy to hide something from a smart man like that, I found distraction was the only way. Four years earlier Early fall... Mulder frowned down at Scully burrowed beneath the sheets of the bed. Gingerly he sat down on the edge, stroking his hand through her hair. "Are you sure you are going to be alright?" Scully nodding in what hopefully seemed a convincing manner. "Yes. I just want to rest a little longer. Amanda knows where to find me if she needs me." Scully just wanted to scream for him to go. To take Aeryn to the Care room, to go on to work for the day, so that she could clamber out of bed and empty her stomach. Biting her lip and breathing deeply was only getting her so far. Still frowning, he nodded. "Ok... I'll come check on you during lunch." She smiled softly, feeling her stomach clench in agony. "Don't worry. I'm just overtired I think." "I gotta go." He mumbled to himself. Standing, he scooped Aeryn up in his arms then bent over Scully, dangling a giggling Aeryn so she could give her mother a kiss goodbye. "Bye-bye mommy." She squealed as Mulder threw her over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. "Bye sweetie." She said just before Mulder leaned down for a kiss of his own. "Get some rest." He said turning towards the door. Scully made a vaguely agreeable voice as he watched Aeryn bounce on her father's shoulder until the door closed. Not sooner then the heavy wood was set in its frame did she roll of the bed and onto the floor, thankfully emptying her stomach in a bucket. When the retching ceased she leaned tiredly against the frame of the bed, breathing heavily. Even though her head ached and her stomach muscles quivered from the exertion she couldn't help but smile. Another baby, another unexplainable miracle. A long time ago she stopped trying to find a reason for Aeryn's birth. Tests from Before showed her body was still operating normally, hormones levels were low but still existent. The only hitch was there were supposedly no ova. Four days later... The first hot wet trickle down the inside of Scully's thigh made her jump. The cramp in her abdomen that quickly followed started her heart pounding. Trying to remain calm, she quickly put the jars she was stacking on a shelf in the Medical Room down and turned to go sit. The movement caused a new flow of liquid from her body. With a lump in her throat, so large she could barely even get a breath in, Scully looked down at herself. "Oh God." She sobbed. The dark gray of her pants was now dark and sticky between her legs. Amanda looked over at Scully. "Oh, Dana." She said softly at the sight of Scully's pale and panicked face. "It's ok, honey, come sit down." Amanda did everything she could not to laugh at Scully's over reaction. She knew Scully had irregular menstrual cycles and after months and months without it her period often came as a shock. Scully frantically shook her head, refusing to move even as she felt the clots of blood gathering at the edge of her shoe. Amanda followed Scully's gaze and for the first time noticed just how much blood there was. Something wasn't right. A sharp cramp in her belly and a wave of dizziness came over Scully and she stumbled, Amanda quickly took her elbow. "Dana! What is going on?" Amanda helped lower Scully on a bed. Scully bit back a groan of pain as another spasm went through her womb, a gush of blood following. "My baby." She sobbed, realizing for the first time that she was crying. *** Amanda touched Scully's shoulder lightly. "It seems to have stopped." Scully looked over at her, her mind moving at the speed of molasses. Some how she managed to nod her agreement. The blood stopped, as did the cramping. Her body didn't feel any pain any longer. She was numb, maybe in shock, she really didn't care. "Are you feeling better?" Amanda placed an extra blanket over Scully's nude lower body then handed her a glass of water. She drank gratefully with a shaking hand. Amanda touched her shoulder gently. "If you think you are going to be ok alone I'll go find Mulder." Scully choked on her water in an attempt to stop Amanda. "No." She sputtered out. "He didn't know I was pregnant." She spoke softly, horribly ashamed of herself. Amanda sat beside her, taking the water from her hand. "Dana...why didn't you tell him?" "I...I wasn't sure for so long so I hadn't mentioned anything, it didn't even cross my mind until a couple weeks ago. Then I didn't want to get his hopes up if I was wrong." No more tears would come, but her eyes still burned with them. "Then, when I was sure I....I just didn't know how to tell him." She looked up at Amanda with a small sad smile. "I wanted it to be special." All the moments in the past few days when she had almost, had come so close to telling Mulder about the baby flashed through her head. Why hadn't she? What was so hard about blurting it out? At least then he would know, then she wouldn't have to do this alone. When Emily died she turned away his support, she didn't know why she did that then. It would have to so much easier to have him there with her. She felt cold, deep down cold. The only thing that would warm her were Mulder's arms, she knew that. But how could she tell him now? Amanda was silent for a few moments before nodding. "What do we do now? You should stay here tonight but if you don't want to tell Mulder you should go back to your room.... Do you want to tell him?" "I can't." Scully whispered brokenly. "It would tear him apart." "Dana, I know you don't have any secrets with Mulder, but this would be one. A big one." Scully rubbed her hand over her face. "I can't. I can't do this to him if I don't have to." Visions of what the scene would be like, if Mulder walked in at the moment, if she told him that the baby he would never know, not even in the womb, was gone. What would he do? It would be so easy for him to be angry with her, so easy for him to grieve for the rest of his life, the possibilities were endless. "Ok." Amanda said softly, in a tone that told she didn't approve. "Let's get you in some clean clothes and back to your room before Mulder gets back." *** Scully flinched when she heard the doorknob turning. This wasn't going to be easy, she knew that, she hated lied to Mulder, and she rarely got away with it. Her mind tried to convince her this wasn't a lie, Mulder had no idea she was pregnant, she was just keeping something from him. But she didn't keep things from Mulder either. "Hey." Mulder said, surprised to see Scully in their room, much less laying in bed. "Are you ok? You look pale." He sat carefully on the edge of the bed with a deep frown. "I'm alright. Tired though." Scully stumbled over her words. Reaching out, Mulder touched the back of his fingers to her cheek, turning her so she looked into his eyes. "Are you sure?" Scully opened her mouth to speak, but she found no words for a moment. "I must be coming down with something. I just need to rest." Mulder began searching her eyes. "What's going on?" She forced out a tense laugh. "Nothing, Mulder. Don't worry, I'm just not feeling well. You know I haven't been for the past few weeks." He began to speak again but she interrupted. "Can you go get Aeryn from the Care Room? I left the Medical Room early so-" "Yeah, I'll go now." Leaning over he gently kissed her cheek. "You rest, I'll be right back." Scully nodded weakly and watched as he quickly stood to get his daughter. Present day... I never told Mulder about the miscarriage, he has no idea it happened. The day following the miscarriage Amanda asked me how I was doing, that was all, we never spoke of it. What caused me to lose that baby is a mystery. I'm a doctor and I know it could be a million different thing,, but whatever it was I haven't become pregnant since. I can't help but wonder if there is something wrong with my body...why can't I carry any more children? There are obviously eggs in my ovaries, at least that is what I hope. I don't think God wants my children to live. Part 5/? Present day... Out of all the deaths in Nova, the Cancer- if that's what it was, was the most painful. It was obvious Their attacks had weakened the Earth's protection from the sun, if that's what the cause was. It really is a mystery to me. I first noticed the spots one night on Mulder's shoulder, a few weeks following an attack. The sight turned my stomach, those large pale, almost gray welts, with fluid beneath. It seemed overnight people would become covered in the sores. I had no idea what was causing them, and no way to help. Three years earlier.... Late Spring. "Shh, Aeryn, its ok. It's over now." Scully watched motionless from the bed as Mulder cooed to Aeryn as she clutched his shoulder crying. He kept pacing and murmuring to her, hoping she would tire herself out soon and fall asleep. It had been a long day for all of them. The attack wasn't close by, it was too mild to be directed at Nova, although they still felt it. Not too much damage was done, nothing they couldn't fix. But it had still shaken Aeryn. Scully too. Mulder glanced over at the bed and gave Scully a concerned look. She looked down at her hands, twisting in her lap. Scully didn't know this attack was going to happen. She didn't ‘feel' it. Not only that, but during the attack she had taken a bad fall. Her right leg now lay elevated on the bed, swollen and black and blue. Thankfully nothing too serious, she would just have to be off her feet for a few days. "Mama's hurt." Aeryn whimpered in her father's ear. Mulder leaned his cheek against hers, damp with tears. "Just a little." "She'll be ok?" Aeryn picked up her head and wiped at her eyes, sniffling. "Of course she'll be ok." Stroking the curls away from her face, Mulder tried to give her a reassuring smile. But Scully had sat in bed for the last two hours, listening to her daughter crying, not speaking a word since. Aeryn dropped her head back down to his shoulder, still sniffling. Mulder rocked her gently against him, feeling as she lost her battle with exhaustion and slowly fell asleep. After another moment he gently laid her in bed and tucked the blanket beneath her chin. He left the curtain around her bed open in case she woke during the night. With a barely audible sigh he sat at Scully's hip on the bed. "You ok?" She met his eyes. "I hate not knowing." Mulder pressed his lips to her temple. "You can't know everything, Scully." One more kiss and he pulled away. A sudden smile came over him as he raised his hand to trace her nose. "She looks so much like you." His fingers traced over her nose, her jaw, the bow of her top lip. Scully turned her gaze to their sleeping daughter. It was true. "She has your eyes though." They fell silent for a moment as Mulder watched her look at Aeryn. "Let's get some sleep." Carefully he took Scully by the waist and helped her lay flat on the bed. Pulling the blankets up he tucked her in just how he had with Aeryn. "Are you comfortable?" She gave a tired shrug. "As much as possible I think." Careful, as not to jostle the bed and Scully's tender leg, Mulder settled beside her after a lingering look towards Aeryn. Four days later... Aeryn laughed gleefully as she slashed around in the small metal tub they used to bathe her. "Aeryn....honey, hold still so I can wash your hair." Mulder let out a frustrated sigh as he tried to soap her hair with her wiggling all over. Scully just smirked from her lounged position on the bed. Aeryn shrieked with laughter as she set a small wave of water out of the tub and directly on Mulder, staining his blue tee shirt dark with water. "I got Daddy all wet!" She laughed. Mulder looked down at himself, unable to hide a smile. "Yes, yes you did." He glanced over at the bed where Scully was giggling. "What's so funny?" She just shrugged and kept giggling as Mulder pulled his shirt over his head. "Ok, Aeryn." His serious tone made her pause the splashing and look at him. "Sit still so I can wash your hair then you can play all you want, deal?" "Deal, Daddy." She said, although she couldn't resist kicking her feet as Mulder washed her hair. After a few moments Mulder sat back on his heels and motioned for Aeryn that she was free. "Mulder?" Scully called evenly. "Come here for a second." He hauled himself off the floor with a barely restrained groan and an "I'm getting old" under his breath. "Turn around." She directed when he sat facing her. He did as asked. "Ouch! What the hell was that?" Mulder tried to look over his shoulder at the spot that hurt when Scully touched him, but couldn't see anything. "It's...some sort of welt." Scully carefully skimmed her fingers over a long irregular blister. The skin was a sickly gray color obviously filled with fluid beneath. "Did something fall on your shoulder? Maybe during the attack?" "Not that I remember." Mulder grimaced. "Scully, can you stop that? It really hurts." She pulled her hand away quickly. "Sorry. Are there any other's like that?" "I didn't even know that was there." Mulder looked over at Aeryn who had stopped splashing to watch her parent's serious conversation. "You done, Sweetie?" Aeryn nodded, reaching her arms up for Mulder to pick her up. "Daddy, are you sick?" "Nope." He answered while wrapping her up in a towel. "Do you have an ouchie?" Mulder snickered. "Yeah, just a little one." Aeryn shrieked with laughter when Mulder turned and dropped her on the bed, causing her to bounce a few times. Scully grabbed her wiggling body, dragging her to sit so she could brush through the tangles of wet hair. "Daddy, I'll kiss it and make it better like Mommy does." Both Mulder and Scully struggled not to laugh at the serious tone their daughter was using. Mulder sat in front of his daughter and tried not to flinch as she kissed the sore on his shoulder, he failed. Three days later... "Hold still for just another minute." Scully begged Aeryn as she carefully searched her body for blisters. Scully was scared-everyone was-that this was another illness. Maybe one that would wipe Nova out completely. The only reason Scully even knew anyone else in Nova was suffering was an off handed comment to Amanda, who looked at her in confusion, saying Skinner had the same welts. An announcement went out. People piled into Nova with these unexplained sores. "Mommy, I want to go play." Aeryn finally managed to wiggle out from Scully's grip and to the floor with her toys. "Let her play for a while." Mulder said as he sat by Scully's legs on the bed. "How's your leg?" He asked quickly to distract her. Scully sighed softly, finally taking her eyes off Aeryn to look at Mulder. "It's ok. Sore." Mulder pulled her injured leg into his lap, pushed up her pant leg as far as he could and began to gently massage the bruised flesh and tense muscles. With a tiny moan of contentment she leaned back into the pillows piled against the wall. After many moments of listening to Aeryn play, Scully spoke. "I've been thinking-" "You're kidding!" Mulder said with mock shock. Scully kicked him lightly with her free foot. "Anyway, as I was going to say." She gave Mulder one last smirk before becoming serious. "These blisters, nobody who doesn't work outside most of the day has them. I'm worried the sun may be causing it." He nodded slowly. "That makes sense. It's so much hotter now, especially for this climate. They must have weakened the ozone with the attacks, the sun shouldn't be this strong so early in the summer." Scully nodded, on the same train of thought. "You don't burn easily, but you have had a sun burn for probably a month constantly, no resistance is being built up." Mulder's hands slowed their massaging as he thought. "Maybe we should pull everyone from outdoor work for a little while, see what happens. Everyone is sore anyway." He murmured under his breath. These welts seemed to increase in sensitivity, and more were forming, it was hard for sufferers to do much labor without discomfort. He squeezed Scully's foot lightly. "I'll make an announcement tomorrow, have everyone take a week off and only do the mandatory work, we are ahead of schedule anyway." Present day... I have been woken many ways in my life. Most often was the blare of my alarm clock, Mulder's early phone calls to drag me off on a case, once in a while him knocking on the door. That was Before. Now, I had gotten used to the loud chime of the clock, Aeryn's cries to be nursed as a baby, Mulder's warm lips caressing my neck. Also that frantic pounding at the heavy wood door, the calls for help from the hall, Aeryn's frightened cry after a nightmare. But nothing prepared me for Mulder's groans of pain one early summer night. Three years earlier. Mid summer... "Oh God... Scully." With a jerk Scully woke. Mulder's voice was strained and hoarse. "What is it?" She reached for his twisting figure in the dim light. "My back." He groaned while trying to kick at the sheets tangled around his legs. Scully gently took his upper arm in her hand and helped roll him on his stomach. Even in the weak light of the remaining fire Scully could see the dark wet splotches staining his shirt. "Oh no....Let's get this off." Mulder cried out in pain as Scully lifted the shirt away from his flesh. She tried to sooth him with soft words but he couldn't hear over his own groans. Scully dreaded this moment, they both did. For weeks everyone was confident that they had beaten this illness. It meant they had to work in the dead of the night, and probably never see the sun again, but the sores stopped forming. Scully was mildly concerned when they didn't disappear right away, but she decided to give it some more time before she would attempt to drain the sores herself. But it never came to that. It seemed all at once the people with the worst cases got worse. The welts broke, leaking thick clear liquid and causing unbearable pain. There was nothing Scully could do but try to stop the onset of infection. But, the ones who suffered from the sores the worst had them all over their bodies. Once the liquid drained the sores were left open and vulnerable. Two dozen patients had already been lost to severe infections. With shaking hands Scully managed to pull the shirt over Mulder's head. Tripping over the bed clothes, Scully rushed to soak towels in water as Mulder twisted and moaned on the bed. Her mother's ears heard Aeryn crying in the corner of the room, she could only afford a moment to say reassurances before she hurried back to Mulder. Even though she knew it would happen, Scully jumped when Mulder cried out in pain as she went to work on his wounds. Two hours later... Scully massaged her temples, trying to ease the ache in her head. Across the room Aeryn was patting her father's head as he lay in silent agony. God she was tired. But she couldn't sleep, not for a long while. Mulder's bandages needed to be changed often to keep them dry and clean. She had done everything she could. The rest was up to Mulder's internal defenses. "Daddy is sleeping." Aeryn announced in a whisper with a self pleased smile. "That's good, Honey." Scully said tiredly. "That's good." Present day... Mulder recovered. He was back to his old self after a week of painful healing and another week of rest. He was lucky, not many other's were. We lost just as many that summer as we did to the first Illness. But that is something we have come to expect at Nova. Survival of the fittest... and luckiest in some cases. With the proper medical supplies there isn't a doubt in my mind that I would have been able to save dozens of people over the years. But I would never had been able to keep up with Them. I fear They have ruined Earth forever. I haven't seen the true light of day since that illness. We work in the darkness and sleep during the day. Not that it made a difference while living in these tunnels. What breaks my heart is the children of Nova will always grow up not knowing what it's like to feel the heat of the sun on their faces. They don't know what it's like for their cheeks to have the sun-kissed glow....but, as it turns out, that should have been the least of my worries. Notes: Took me longer enough, didn't it? I'm sorry....I'll try to do better.