Title: Once Upon A Time 
Author: Claire "The Coffee Guru" Doyle
Summary: Thoughts in a padded room and an airplane
Category: MS sorta R, Angst
Archive: Anywhere, just let me know.
Feedback: Gimme at cofeeguru@netscape.net
Spoilers: Everything up to and including the season 6 finale
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Disclaimer: Yeah, gotcha, song's not mine, they're not mine. Fine.
Notes: The song is called "In Your Wildest Dreams" by the fabulous Moody
Blues. I hope I've done them justice.
Dedication: For everyone (like me) who graduated this year. Yay us! Oh,
and for everyone in relationship turmoil.

/Once upon a time, once when you were mine, I remember skies reflected
in your eyes. I wonder where you are, I wonder if you think about me,
once upon a time in your wildest dreams./

It was another one of those sleepless nights when I lay on my bed
thinking about her, and all that we had been through. Hundreds of cases,
thousands of hours, countless minutes with her, close enough to touch,
and yet I never did. The one time I tried, that bee. . .I hate insects,
for many reasons, but now they avoid my apartment because there's a
contract out on them. Any other times that I've been able to hold her,
it's right after she's nearly been killed, or right before she was
supposed to die. Not the best times to confess my undying love.
So now I'm locked in a padded room, stuck screaming my head off because
the sounds don't stop, hardly ever stop. Once in a while though, I'm
given a moment of clarity, and I spend that moment thinking of her. This
is one of those rare times, and I'm relishing it.
All my thoughts of her are surrounded in blue, the sky blue of her eyes
that haunts me, comforts me, and drives me more insane than any
persistent humming. They change shade with every mood that she's in, but
they stay blue at the same time. The more things change. . . . But
there's nothing more beautiful than that blue, nothing that compares to
it. It's the anchor in all of this pain, the lifeline that I'm going to
cling to until she comes back to me, rescues me from the bastards that
have locked me in this cell. Like Diana. I should have known, should
have listened to Scully. Besides, Diana's eyes were never blue.
I pray to Scully's God that she'll come to save me, that she'll save my
ass this one last time. I pray that she's still here, close by, looking
for me. If not, I'm doomed. If she's given up on me, which I wouldn't
blame her for doing, after all that I've said and done, then my fate is
sealed in this little cell, with the video camera staring at me. The
sounds will continue to echo in my mind until my screams become the only
thing I'm able to do. I will fade into nothingness, though if Scully's
left me, I already am nothing. She makes me somebody, a person. I wonder
if she cares anymore about where I am, I wonder if she knows, if she's
trying to do something to cure me, to get me out of here. I have to
believe she is, or it's all over.
I can feel the humming beginning again, and it will only be a matter of
seconds before I again lose control. The pain builds, and I cry out the
one word that is left. "Scully!"

/Once the world was new, our bodies felt the morning dew that greets the
brand-new day, we couldn't tear ourselves away. I wonder if you care, I
wonder if you still remember, once upon a time, in your wildest dreams./

He's never looked so terrible, never been this helpless, not even when
he was dying in the desert. His life is at the mercy of two people that
I hate beyond any conceivable point. And I can't reach him.
He says that he wasn't a whole person without me, but I can't believe
that's true, because he's the only thing that completes me as a human
being. Before him, a day used to be just a day, but now it's so much
more. Even though I'm still the skeptic, he's opened up a whole new
realm of possibilities for me to explore. Life with him has been
dangerous, but exciting too, far more fulfilling than my life would be
if I was stuck behind a desk or teaching classes at Quantico. We could
have given up anytime, left it all behind, but we didn't, we haven't.
There's still something left unsolved, more than just the mystery of his
sister. The secrets of the universe are behind some locked door, all we
have to do is find them. Or they may be lying in the sands of f of the
Ivory Coast. He just has to hold on long enough for me to find them.
I have to find them, or at least start to find them by myself because I
can't get him out of that padded room. They've forbidden me from doing
it. And even if I could go see him, would he recognize me? He screams my
name, but I wonder if he knows what the word is, that the person it's
attached to is there for him. I don't know if he realizes the person
behind it exists. For all I know whatever's happened to him has taken
his memory away from him, and he'll never recover it. He'll be a shell
of the person, the man he once was for the rest of his natural life.
But I am here, please remember me, I cry out silently to the heavens, to
him. I don't know, I guess I think he can hear me across the universe.
If you're there, hang on. I'm still here, I still. . .I still care. I
only hope that you do, too. From my airplane seat on the way to Africa,
I whisper, so quietly that the man next to me can't hear. "Hang on
Mulder. I'll be back for you, just remember me when I come."

/And when the music plays, and when the words are touched with sorrow,
when the music plays, I hear the sounds I have to follow. Once upon a
time. . ./

The doctor enters my room while I'm still yelling, my throat going numb.
But the pain in my head is abating slightly, and I can hear the strains
of some melancholy song. It sounds like "Walking in Memphis," but I
can't be sure. Right now I'm not sure about anything. The door seals
shut, and it's just the doctor and I in this little room. He's cautious
when he approaches me; he's not sure if I'll jump him or not. How can I?
I can't even coordinate myself enough to stand up, let alone beat the
shit out of someone. When he sees that I'm not going to kill him, he
moves closer, and gives me an injection of something. Slowly, the sounds
dim, not leaving, but at least allowing me to think clearly. He says
something to me, but the only words I hear are, "Scully was here." She
was, she saw me in this place, in this state? God, how she must pity me,
despise my weakness. . .
"She wanted to see you, but I couldn't permit it. It's not allowed. But
she said she'd be back. . . ." Hope, beautiful and peaceful, flows
through my body. She wanted to see me. She tried. Despite everything,
she tried. Oh, my Scully, my beautiful, blue-eyed Scully. Music to my
ears, a strain of a song that has no real ending, not yet. But those few
chords will give me what I need to hold on for her until she returns.
She will, as she always does. Scully always keeps her word.
Whatever the doctor gave me is causing me to become drowsy. My head is
too heavy for my body, my eyelids droop, the world begins to fall away.
He says something to the effect of "Rest." Not a bad idea. My last
coherent thought is of the way I won't waste a minute once she comes
back to me. . .

/Once, beneath the stars, the universe was ours, love was all we knew,
and all I knew was you. I wonder if you know, I wonder if you think
about me, once upon a time in your wildest dreams./

I'm in the air again, flying back to Mulder as quickly as I can. What
I've found in the Ivory Coast is beyond description. It's amazing,
unbelievable, and I have to share it with him. I figure that if part of
that stone caused whatever is making him sick, the entire. . .ship, for
lack of a better word, should cure him. He's become unbalanced because
he only glimpsed part of a whole.
Oh, Mulder, do you remember that night, so long ago, when you took me
out on that hill to see dancing lights in the sky? It was so black, and
there seemed to be nothing in the world except the two of us. But there
is more, there's so much more. My God, it's incredible, utterly
impossible, but. . . like doubting Thomas, seeing is believing.
All I want is to share it with you, though. You've brought me to the
edge of discovery, and I had to take that step forward alone because you
weren't able to. You're going to join me, or I'll kill you, you bastard.
You're not going to leave me on this one. After six years of searching,
if you give up, then you're life's work really has been in vain. This is
you and me partner, we're the only ones in the universe who can handle this.
And you're the only person in the world I want at my side, and the one
person who has to be. I realized all of this standing out on that beach
by myself. I hated every minute of it, despite what I found. Without
you, Mulder, I'm alone, and I don't want to be alone anymore. We've
loved each other for how long now, huh, and neither of us have had the
guts to face up to it. I'm sorry, but this is the end of loneliness for
me, whether you like it or not. As soon as you can hear me, you're going
to find out that there's only one person in the world for me, and that's
you. So you can't die on me. It's that simple.
I know you love me, but do you realize that I love you, and how much? I
can't imagine that you do, and yet you probably think the same thing
about me. I should be locked up in that room with you, Mulder, for never
saying anything, never acting on my feelings before.
I'm sitting here addressing you as if you were in the same room as me,
but are you even thinking about me, locked in that room? Are you
thinking about anything? If you are, it's probably about whether or not
aliens did this to you, not about whether your partner loves you or not.
I wouldn't be that lucky. I'll be there soon, G-man. Just hold on, and
dream about the good things that are soon to come.

/And when the music plays, and when the words are touched with sorrow,
when the music plays, and when the music plays, I hear the sounds I have
to follow. Once upon a time. . ./

That music again, cutting through my sleep, making the sounds start
again. Do they ever pipe other songs into this place? Someone's entered
the room, and it takes all of my effort to see who it is. No blue eyes,
no Scully. Damn it, where is she? I need to tell her before it's too
late. I can feel sanity slipping away more and more, my thoughts are
jumbled, and these clear moments are less frequent. They've knocked me
out too many times to count now. And I always wake up to the same song,
the doctor standing over me, running blood tests, trying to figure out
what's wrong. I could tell them easily why they couldn't find a cure.
They're not Scully. She's coming back, I know it. I can feel her
thinking about me, missing me. That other song, the one twinged with
hope, is getting stronger. Scully's nearby, and she's figured it out.
It'll only be a matter of time until she walks through that door with a
smile on her face, because she can help me. But for now, more sleep.
Another shot, another bout of unconsciousness, but through it all, the
song that leads me to thoughts of Scully, to thoughts of love.

/Once upon a time, once when you were mine, I remember skies mirrored in
your eyes. I wonder where you are, I wonder if you think about me, once
upon a time in your wildest dreams. In your wildest dreams. . .in your
wildest dreams. . ./

The end?

(Sequel: Hold Your Fire)

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