SINS SEQUEL -- YESTERDAY NEVER DIES(1/3)

DATE: July 24, 1999
From: CorrineLS@socal.rr.com <mailto:CorrineLS@socal.rr.com>
Author: Lakota
Category: MSR, M anguish, Mrs. Mulder Anguish
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: Oubliette, Paper Hears and various other episodes.

Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, Lone Gunmen, Diana Fowley, CSM,
Margaret Scully and Tina Mulder are being borrowed for my sole
enjoyment. They are the property of Chris Carter, Fox Broadcasting and
1013 Productions. Would never think of infringing.

Important Note: This story is the 3rd of my Sins.. Sequels. It's
probably best to read Sins of the Past, Sins of the Future and then this
one, Sins.. Yesterday Never Dies. There are references to the prior two
stories.

Second Important Note: For all the readers that are very accurate in the
timeline and know where Mrs. Mulder lived after the divorce, PLEASE
pretend that she did not move away from Martha's Vineyard. It is a very
important part of my story and it wouldn't have worked if I typed the
story correctly. So, use your imagination as that's what fanfics are
meant to be. At the end of the story, I tried desperately not to make it
too mushy or sugar coated, but it was hard not to with the subject
matter at hand. Happy reading.

SUMMARY: A visit to his father's gravesite and a long awaited
confrontation with his mother, brought Fox a little closer to the truth
of his past. With the Thanksgiving invitation from his mother, Fox, Dana
Mrs. Scully and Jacob, the grandson Mrs. Mulder didn't know she had,
brought a weekend of anxiety to all. Mulder found out quickly that
Thanksgiving was not going to be just to have a turkey dinner, but a
time to find out why his family was in constant turmoil. How did Cancer
Man fit in the picture of his past, why was he chosen first only to have
Samantha taken instead, why his constant nightmares and why was there
such a lack of love for him.
Thanks: To Susan and Cynde, one for pushing me, and the other for
checking my work. I couldn't do this without you guys. r is it to shut
me up, umm now that's a thought.

SINS SEQUEL -- YESTERDAY NEVER DIES

It was hard to say that life went back to normal. How could it be normal
with all that happened in the last couple of months? Jacob's regression
made him constantly cling onto Mulder at every moment they were
together. Mulder and Scully were concerned about his well being. His
physical injury would heal, but his emotional state worried them. Time
had past without Jacob mentioning the incident at the park. Mulder was a
psychologist, and although he wasn't practicing his skill, he knew
enough to know that they should take Jacob to therapy. Whether it was a
Center for Grieving Children or Playtime Therapy, they had to do something.
They started taking Jacob to therapy for grieving children to help him
express his thoughts, his anxieties, and his fears. From the therapy,
they were able to discuss any questions that Jacob had. Jacob had a
constant fear that he would lose his daddy, or maybe his new mommy. With
his questions, they were able to explain that just because a person
died, it didn't mean that anyone else would die soon. Then came the fear
that maybe he would die. After all, he'd been in the hospital and he
remembered how badly his leg hurt. They consoled him and reassured him
that he would live a long time, but it was normal to worry about his
death or a death of someone he loved. Mulder and Scully went go the
weekly therapy sessions, trying desperately to help the child. Some days
the therapy went well, and some days Jacob would go home in tears. The
FBI had given Mulder some time off to help Jacob with his loss. It was a
challenging time for all three of them. Mulder waited a couple of days
after he took him home from the hospital before telling him about Diana.
He dreaded the conversation, but he knew he had to tell him as soon as
possible. Jacob would ignore him, turning his face to the other side.
"Jacob, Son, do you know what happened to your mommy?" he remembers
asking the boy.
"She wanted to steal me, she wanted to take me away from you," Jacob
would cry out.
"Jacob, she loved you very much, she was just confused." Mulder would
try to explain.
"I don't want to see her never, never again," he would reply angrily.
"Jacob do you remember what happened at the park?" Mulder asked, picking
the child up and sitting him on his lap.
"I just remember her carrying me and taking me away, then something hurt
really bad and I went to sleep."
"Jacob a bad person hurt your mommy, just like you got hurt. When she
got hurt, her body stopped working and her body could not be fixed. She
couldn't breathe or eat anymore," Mulder said softly.
"Did I make her go away? Daddy, did she get hurt because I didn't want
to go with her?"
"No, Jacob you didn't do anything wrong. What happened to your mommy
wasn't your fault."
"Did mommy go with God?" Jacob asked
"Well no one really knows what happens to people when they die, but it's
important that you understand that your mom really loved you and that
she will always be with you in your heart. When we remember the people
that love us and keep them in our hearts they never really leave us."
"I'm mad, Daddy. I'm mad at mommy for taking me away from you. But now
I'm mad that I can never see her again," Jacob's voice quivered.
"It's okay to be angry Jacob. You can be sad, you can scream, and you
can cry if you need to," Mulder consoled. The days passed and with time
the child's fears diminished. The one thing that Mulder and Scully
worried about was Jacob's lack of conversation regarding Diana outside
of therapy. Diana's name would be mentioned in the psychologist's
office, but at home her name was non existent. Their concern was brought
up at the sessions, but Jacob was adamant that he did not want to talk
about her.

Five months had now past since the incident at McHenry's Park. An
incident that Mulder wished he could erase from his memory. The site of
Diana falling to the ground, holding Jacob, and the blood pooled between
them kept on haunting him. The vision played over and over again like a
broken record. Just one more nightmare to add to all the ones stored in
his mind. He knew that if Scully were not there to guide him, he would
have lost it. He remembers Diana's final words as bittersweet. Like it
or not, she was his partner when the X-Files were opened. He trusted her
completely. She was with him at his moment of despair and she bore a
child that would forever hold his heart. She really didn't have to die,
but he dreaded to think of the consequences for him if she had lived.
The months of pain and physical therapy from the gunshot wound and the
stress from his memory of the kidnapping caused Jacob to regress. With
the help of his nanny's, --the Lone Gunmen, Skinner and Scully, Jacob
slowly was recovering from the fear of being away from Mulder. His leg
was completely healed, except for the days that he over-exerted himself
at playtime causing his thigh to ache. Mulder spent many long hours
sitting with Jacob, massaging his thigh and trying to make him feel
safe. But mentally, Jacob was still progressing slowly. Even after the
therapy, Jacob still did not mention his mother at home, not once did he
question her whereabouts, not once did he shed a tear for his loss of
her. This was a constant source of anxiety for both Mulder and Scully.
Did Jacob forget the incident, or did he choose to repress it? Scully
was now his mommy in all senses of the word. In fact, she had become
acclimated to the title weeks after their first meeting. As a result,
Jacob had brought Mulder and Scully closer together. Jacob's little
matchmaking antics were so obvious at times that Mulder and Scully
played along, but then there were times that their feelings simply took
over.
Too many times a touch was not simply a touch, but something that meant
much more--a touch that would stir their feelings to the core of their
being. They had not only been partners for 7 years but soul mates as
well. And as for their relationship, it was still unclear where each of
them stood. The insinuations continued, the innuendoes were at full
force, and then there were the times that a friendly kiss ended to be
more than just that. For a couple of weeks after the shooting, Scully
had stayed with Mulder nursing Jacob back to health, but eventually
persuaded them to move in with her. Her place was bigger and although
the couch was Mulder's preference for a bed, it wasn't hers. Mulder and
Jacob stayed in her extra bedroom, and Scully in her own bedroom. The
tension was there, but they didn't want to confuse themselves, either.
It was not a happy time when Mulder and Jacob moved back to their own
apartment. Jacob missed Scully, as did Mulder, but life had to continue
for the three of them.
The Lone Gunmen took over the nanny position with vigor. They would pick
up the boy after school and watch him until Mulder would pick him up
after work. The worst times were the weeks that Mulder and Scully were
away on assignment. Jacob tried to be strong on those long voids and the
guys did their best to keep him occupied. But his memory of the day in
the warehouse, and Mulder's beating would spring up every once in
awhile, bringing back the fear of losing his dad. Many times during the
past seven months, Mulder considered calling his mother and telling her
about Jacob. But every time the thought surfaced, the fear of her not
accepting Jacob surfaced as well, until the fear eventually overshadowed
his intention to call. So, without intending to, he ended up keeping
Jacob a secret from the only other family member he had.
Scully had been on his case all week long; telling him it was time for
his mom to meet Jacob. He knew he had to eventually but for reasons
unknown he kept postponing the inevitable. Then as fate would have it,
he got a phone call from Teena Mulder.
"Son, I would like to invite you and Dana over for Thanksgiving dinner.
Can you make it for the holidays this year?" she asked him. He was
completely beside himself. When was the last time his mother even
considered the thought of being with him during any holiday? In fact,
when had she even come to visit him during his numerous hospital stays?
It was always Mrs. Scully. Maggie Scully would be the one to visit him
in the hospital, console Scully in her times of need during Mulder's
convalescence. In his eyes, the Scully's were the perfect Rockwell
family. How could anyone compare. Mulder was confused at the sudden
change of heart that his mother demonstrated. He still laughed at the
call that had come into him at work. Teena Mulder even went as far as to
invite the Scully family as well.
"Huh? My mother is invited too?" Scully asked dumbfounded.
All Mulder could do was raise his shoulders in wonderment, "Scully,
maybe she's a clone, a alien hybrid, a shift changer, it can't be Mom."
But all Mulder got from his mockery was a jab on his ribs from Scully.
"Be nice Mulder, maybe she's seen the light, maybe she wants to make
amends with you," Scully retorted. So as luck would have it, bad or good
depending how you looked at it, the date was set. They were to drive to
the Vineyard on Wednesday around 2:00 p.m. arriving late that night and
be back to work on Tuesday. How nice Scully was to ask for an extra day
for them. Like four days wasn't going to be long enough, and then she
added another day. Scully's mom had agreed to the invitation. She
usually would make a big Thanksgiving dinner with all the Scully boys
and their families. Mulder would be invited every year and every year he
would make some lame excuse not to go. Oh, it wasn't that he didn't love
to be with the perfectly stable Scully family, but the refusal was
mostly for him. He didn't want to be reminded of how dysfunctional his
own family really was. The invitation came at a perfect timing for
Maggie Scully as this year would be a quiet and lonely one for her.
Except for Dana, Charles and Bill unfortunately ended up with prior
commitments with their wives families. So instead of having Mrs. Scully
alone, they thought the invitation from Mrs. Mulder was a perfect
deterrent from the sadness that Mrs. Scully was going to have without
the whole family together. Maggie Scully was to arrive on Thursday,
Thanksgiving morning and leave on Sunday morning. Maybe he could talk
her into staying until Monday night. Scully had kept her mother abreast
of Jacob from the very beginning. Her conversations to Scully were
always "˜I can't picture Fox as a father' then a chuckle would follow, at
least that's what Scully would tell him after she finished talking to
her mom. Maggie would definitely want to get acquainted with Jacob, God
he was hoping to have a house full of people so he wouldn't be alone
with his mother.

Wednesday 2:00 p.m.

"Mulder, earth to Mulder," Scully said, waving her hand in front of
Mulder's face.
"Um, were you saying something?" Mulder asked, hypnotized by his thoughts.
"I was just saying how we should set the wedding date soon," she teased.
"WHAT!" he asked nearly running off the side of his lane.
"I thought that would get your attention. Don't worry, I was just trying
to bring you back to earth. I was just wondering where you were. You
were million miles away from here."
"Sorry I was just thinking. Now Scully tell me again, why did we accept
the invitation," he asked, looking at the rearview mirror seeing Jacob
very quietly flip the pages of his new book.
"You're looking at the reason Mulder. It's not fair for him to be
deprived of a grandmother and she deprived of a grandson."
"But Scully, she isn't his grandmother, I mean his real grandmother?" he
whispered not wanting Jacob to hear.
"Is that what you want to believe. That's not fair for Jacob to know
that. I thought we had that conversation before and we decided never to
mention the truth about Jacob. He is your son, in every sense of the
word. Maybe not biologically, although we can truthfully say he carries
your blood. You gave him your blood after he got shot, he survived
because of you. Tell me the real reason you have not told your mother
about Jacob," she pushed.
"She doesn't know how to give love Scully, I am proof of that."
"I don't believe that Mulder. You have too much love in you for that to
be true. I've seen you time and time again, case after case the intense
love affair for the underdog, for the child left without a parent, for a
parent without a child. I remember the look on your face when you wanted
to help Lucy Householder. The desperation in your face when you knew
that she was the only one that could help Amy Jacobs from her kidnapper.
Lucy saved Amy because of you," she softly said, putting her hand over
his lap.
"But Lucy died. She died trying to save Amy." Mulder replied, still
feeling blame for Lucy's death.
"Mulder you pained for every little girl that John Lee Roche killed,"
she continued.
"Because I thought each one was Samantha," he interrupted.
"I don't believe that. The little girl on the bus, Caitlin, did you
think she was Samantha, no. She was just another innocent little girl
that you protected. So don't tell me that you don't know how to give love."
"Then tell me why you and I can't seem to find love?" he solemnly asked.
"The love is there, Mulder, it always has been. We are just too nervous,
scared, or maybe just idiots not to take it a step further. Besides
there have been moments. If I remember right, in the last seven months,
there've been good moments-except for the times Jacob seems to find the
opportunity to walk in," she boldly said. "Let's give this weekend a
chance"¦in all aspects. Mulder, tell me truthfully, why you haven't
called your mother?" she asked a third time.
"Too busy, obviously she was too busy to call her son."
"That's not fair Mulder. You could always take the first step." She told
him.
"I've tried taking many steps Scully. After Samantha was abducted, I
tried to be the perfect son. I was afraid that I would be next if I
didn't behave. Dad was always gone and mom was always depressed. Going
to Oxford gave me two solutions for my life. A way to educate myself and
have them proud of me. I thought if I made something of myself, they
would forgive me for losing Samantha. And secondly, I had to get out of
the depression of my family."
"Maybe this invitation is her way to take that first step. Let's give
her a chance," she reiterated.
"Daddy, are we almost there? I don't feel so good," Jacob said, putting
the book down hugging his stomach with his arms.
"Mulder pull over, I think he's carsick. He looks like he's ready to..."
she began to say.
"Jacob hold on, wait until I stop the car," Mulder interrupted
zigzagging from lane to lane trying desperately to get to the shoulder
of the road. But as luck would have it, he wasn't fast enough. Jacob
covered his mouth but couldn't hold his lunch any longer.
"Too late Mulder," Scully said, waiting for the complete stop, and
getting out of the car.
"Jacob, couldn't you wait?" Mulder asked exasperated.
"I'm sorry daddy, I tried," Jacob cried.
"I know you tried," Mulder responded ashamed at his accusation. He got
out of the car walking around to see if he could be of assistance.
"Mulder in the trunk there are paper towels and handiwipes, get them.
Also, bring Jacob a full change of clothing," Scully ordered. Scully
took Jacob out standing him by the opened door and proceeded to clean
him up and change him completely. Mulder did the nauseating job of
cleaning the back seat.
"Okay have I past the test of being a father?" he asked, turning green.
"Nope, there's chickenpox, colds, PTA meetings, little league,
basketball games, school fights, girlfriends..." she joked.
"I got your point, no need to go on. This is going to be a perfect first
impression for mom."
"Since when have you ever worried about impressions?" she asked.
"Daddy, your mommy isn't going to like me now?" Jacob asked, "I tried
not to get sick."
"Jacob she will like you very much. She'll understand that you got
carsick. Besides I think this is the least of our worries," she said
looking up at Mulder.
"She'll like you son, matter of fact, she'll love you," he consoled as
he finished with the cleaning duties. Within twenty they were back on
the road.
"Daddy, I'm going to go to sleep. I don't feel good," he whispered,
curling his body the best he could with the confinements of the
seatbelt. They drove for another half-hour in complete silence, both in
deep thought.
"Why don't you let me drive now Mulder, the eight hour drive has got to
be wearing your down," Scully offered.
"I'm fine-at this rate we will get there at 10:00-bed time. Perfect."
"Mulder, don't you think you're being a little unfair to your mother by
not warning her about Jacob?" Scully asked, ignoring his last remark.
"What happens if you catch her off guard and she let's her surprise be
known? It will break Jacob's heart."
"Okay, maybe you're right. Stay here with Jacob and I'll go break the
news to her, okay?"
"Always partner."
He parked the car in his mom's driveway, and for a moment just sat with
his hands gripping the steering wheel.
"You're a big chicken. Now get in there. I'll start waking Jacob," she
announced. He got out of the car walking up the side of the house until
he came to the front door. He took out his keys from his pocket but then
decided to knock instead. With his hands in his pocket he fidgeted back
and forth until the door opened.
"Son-glad you made it. But why didn't you open the door? You have a key"¦
where is Dana? Wasn't she able to make the trip?"
"Yes mom she's in the car"¦um"¦getting something. She'll be right in," he
said walking into the house. "Mom I have something to tell you before
she comes in
"You two got married," she gleefully said, embracing him.
"No we're not married and we're not living together."
"Then what is it Fox?" she asked holding onto his hand and bringing him
to the couch.
"Umm, we brought someone with us. I hope you don't mind having an extra
mouth to feed for Thanksgiving dinner," he hemmed and hawed.
"Yes I know you were bringing Maggie Scully," she responded.
"No mom, Mrs. Scully is coming tomorrow. Mom, this isn't going to be
easy. Um, do you remember about seven years ago, when I first started
with the X-Files," he slowly tried to explain.
"No, I don't think I do," she replied.
"Of course not, why should you," he mumbled under his breath, turning
his face away from her. "Mom, I won't beat around the bush, there's a
six year-old little guy in the car, he's my son," he said quickly before
he lost his nerve. He noticed her face pale as she stood up, her hand
placed over her heart.
"What? What do you mean Fox? How? When? With who?" she blurted out.
"Your Indian wife didn't have a baby and kept it from you, did she?"
"Yes mom of course, she lived with me, was pregnant and delivered our
child without me noticing," he sarcastically said.
"What did you say?" she asked, turning back to face him.
"Nothing mom, nothing at all," he angrily said then continued. "After
Star died, I partnered with a lady by the name of Diana Fowley. After a
time, she moved in with me. We lived together until one day she abruptly
left. A few months ago she came back into town telling me I'm the father
of this little boy."
"And you believed her?"
"Mom, he's my son," he said, getting up from the couch and heading
towards the door. Teena followed him but decided to stop at the doorway.
Scully was leaning inside the backseat trying to wake Jacob when Mulder
stood next to her.
"Well?"
"She wanted to know if my Indian wife had him and kept it from me," he
reproached. Scully moved back as he bent down, unbuckling the seatbelt,
picking the boy up towards him. Jacob snuggled his head on Mulder's
shoulder falling back to sleep. "Leave the bags here Scully, I'll come
back for them. I need you with me."
"Mrs. Mulder, it's so nice to see you again. How are you feeling?"
Scully asked, holding her hand out for a handshake.
"Very well thank you Dana. Well let me see the little guy," Teena Mulder
said, walking around Mulder trying to get a glimpse of the child. "He's
a little guy, isn't he. How old is he, four or five?"
"I'm six years old," Jacob mumbled in his sleep burying his head onto
Mulder's neck. Both Mulder and Scully smiled at the response of the
sleeping child.
"Mom I'm taking him up to my bedroom. He got carsick and isn't feeling
very well. Why don't we wait until he gets up before you meet him,"
Mulder said heading to the stairs. He carried Jacob up the stairs,
followed by Scully. The pictures on the wall still hung with photos of
Samantha and Fox in various stages of play. School pictures adorned the
walls. Scully took it slow taking in every picture, seeing the
distinctive expression, the pouty lips, the color of his eyes that
seemed to change like a chameleon.
"I was a cute kid, wasn't I," Mulder quipped.
"I was looking at Samantha," she teased. Mulder's "˜okay, you win one'
expression was clearly on his face as he walked into his bedroom. A
second later peeked out and said, "as you can see, the pictures stopped
after Sam's disappearance." Scully turned to face him only to see him
vanish into his room. She walked back to the stairs and looked closely.
In front of her were pictures of both of the Mulder children. A small
picture for every grade in school, but strangely enough, the photographs
did stop at around Mulder's 6th grade picture. None were his High School
pictures; not one when he was in Oxford or when he entered the FBI. She
wondered why there weren't any pictures of Mulder and Star. Time seemed
to stop at the age of twelve. She had heard parent's joke at how many
pictures were taken of their first born, and with each consecutive
child, the pictures were less. Not in this family, Mulder was the
oldest, yet the photos were not there. She took a deep breath at how it
must have been and headed towards Mulder's bedroom. Mulder had already
put Jacob to bed, taking the child's jacket, shoes and socks off. Scully
walked over to the edge to get the afghan and placed it gently over Jacob.
"Can I stay here until Tuesday?" Mulder asked.
"What if I told you that Flukeman was downstairs?" she joked.
"You're calling my mother the Flukeman," he quickly answered.
"No silly, I was making a point. If you were investigating the Flukeman,
you'd be down in a second, yet going downstairs to talk to your mother"¦
well, need I say more? Come on let's go downstairs and have a nice
evening with her."
"Scully, I'm going to the car, bring in our luggage, take a shower and
go to bed; you can visit with her." he announced walking passed her and
going down the stairs, Scully right behind.
"Where are you going to sleep?" Mrs. Mulder asked.
"What do you mean?" Mulder asked confused, "My son is staying in my room
with me. Mom, I'm really tired. We had a long drive, so if you don't
mind I'm going to bed." He hadn't finished saying that sentence when a
hysterical scream came from upstairs. Without saying a word, Mulder ran
up the stairs, taking two steps at a time, Scully and Mrs. Mulder close
behind. Jacob was sitting on the bed, hands over his eyes, cries of
panic in his voice.
"Son, what's the matter?" he asked sitting on the bed bringing him into
a hug.
"I woke up and I didn't know where I was at. I thought they took you
away again," his voice quivering.
"You know I won't let anyone take your daddy away," Scully said, sitting
next to the two.
"You promise Mommy," he smiled.
"Well, well, well, who is this handsome little boy?" Mrs. Mulder asked,
moving closer to the three.
"My name is Jacob Willam Mauder" he said proudly.
"You know, Fox used to have bad dreams when he was small. I used to have
to bring him to bed with his father and me. I would hold him until he
fell asleep," Mrs. Mulder consoled.
"Really, my daddy and sometimes daddy and mommy sleep with me," he
casually said. Mulder's choking cough tried to drown the last sentence
while Scully nervously started straightening the afghan on the bed.
"Oh really, well that's nice that they can * both * be with you in bed,"
Mrs. Mulder said, with a smile on her face. "Jacob, why don't you come
with me so I can give you some milk and cookies while your father gets
ready for bed. Dana, will you be getting ready for bed as well?"
"Ah, yes, yes the drive really wore me down," Dana said, getting up from
the bed walking towards her designated room.
"But I have to take a shower, daddy always takes me a shower," Jacob said.
"You don't take one by yourself?" she asked surprised.
"I'm still little you know. I try but daddy is still there to help me
with my hair. Because sometimes I put a lot of soap and then it takes
daddy a long, long time to take the soap off," he informed.
"Alright then, after you take your shower, why don't you have your
father bring you downstairs for some cookies," she said, then turned to
face Mulder. "Son, do you think he'll tell me secrets?" Mulder's face
flustered watching his mother walk out of the room. Teena Mulder waited
for 45 minutes hoping that the two would come downstairs, but they never
showed. She started up the stairs when she heard the giggles and laughs
of both Fox and Jacob. Scully's opened her bedroom door slightly when
she caught a glimpse of Mrs. Mulder heading towards Mulder's bedroom.
She stood by the door for a couple of seconds, raised her hand ready to
knock on it, but then changed her mind. She placed her open hand on the
door, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. After a minute or so,
she proceeded to head towards her bedroom. Scully opened her door and
tiptoed across the hall. She opened the door surprising the two.
"Mommy I'm trying to tickle daddy," he chuckled.
"I can see that. Jacob it's time for bed, Mulder it's nearly midnight,"
she ordered, walking to the bed giving Jacob a kiss on his forehead.
"Mom how you've changed. Are you going to tuck me in?" Mulder teased.
"You didn't go downstairs, did you?" she asked disappointedly.
"I"¦" he tried to say.
"You're not trying. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Is mommy mad?" Jacob whispered to Mulder.
"I think she is angry, we better get to sleep."

Thursday - Thanksgiving Day

He didn't want to open his eyelids. It was so irresistibly peaceful
along with the serenity that was surrounding his body. He could keep
them closed and visualize how it once was. Boy, it had been ages since
he had slept in his bed. Funny how his bed felt so big when he was young
and now his long lanky body barely fit. He remembered the nights
Samantha would sneak in his bedroom late at night after his parents had
tucked them in. They would hide under the covers, flashlights in hand as
he would read her book after book. Sam loved to hear him read to her. He
was ten at the time and she was six, a vulnerable age for both of them.
But boy did he like to make her life miserable. He would wait until she
was under the covers with him and then read her a scary story. And of
course he had to make the story even scarier with his bone-chilling
adlibs. By the end of the book, Sam would be in tears shaking, hugging
him. Then he would feel bad and try his best to try to make her smile.
Not only because he felt sorry for her, but also because he knew he
would get reamed by his dad. Mulder finally decided to open his eyes, to
see Jacob lying on his stomach, arms bent, elbows on the bed, chin on
his hands.
"Jacob, how long have been staring at me?" he asked, startled at the
sight of his face so close to him.
"I don't know. Daddy, why do you make funny noises when you sleep?"
"What funny noises?" Mulder asked bewildered.
"Like this," Jacob responded, pulling in air in his mouth making noises
at the back of his throat, then blowing it out.
"You mean snore? Jacob I don't snore," he said quickly.
"Oh yes you do daddy, you snore and snore and snore," he giggled. Jacob
stood up on the bed, Mulder noticing Jacob holding onto the front of his
pajamas.
"Jacob, do you have to go to the bathroom?" he asked as he sat up on the
bed.
"Yes, real real bad," he responded taking a good grip, hoping he could
stop the urge as he squeezed.
"You know where the bathroom is, why didn't you go?" Mulder said getting
up carrying him off the bed.
"Daddy, I don't know. You took me yesterday night. I can't remember, I'm
little," he said as a matter of fact, "and I don't know this house."
"You made your point, come on before you pee in your pajamas," he said
taking him outside of the bedroom, and down the hall.
"Go away Scully," he responded.
"Mulder open it or I'll get the pick and open it myself," she replied.
The water was turned off and moments later the door opened, a very wet
Mulder standing there with a towel wrapped around his waist. She walked
inside the steam filled room. "Jesus Mulder, how hot did you have the
water."
"Not hot enough," he responded sitting on the toilet seat.
"Are you okay Mulder?" she asked.
"How is he?" he asked, ignoring her question.
"He's angry, but that's to be expected. He's too young to realize that
you did it out of love," she told him bringing his head towards her
holding him n "Has Dan"¦your mommy come into our room?" he asked the boy
waiting for him while he went to the bathroom.
"Nope. Daddy what smells so good? I smell bacon," Jacob said finishing
and stretching to the sink to wash his hands.
"Smells like mom is making us breakfast. Let me go get some sweats on
and we'll go have breakfast." They both walked back to the bedroom,
Jacob waiting until Mulder had slipped on some sweats and a T-shirt. The
aroma of bacon, eggs and biscuits filled the house, again his memory
would drift to his youth, the peaceful and loving youth before his
twelfth birthday, before that dreadful day. Mulder opened the kitchen
door to see Scully sitting at the breakfast table drinking coffee with
his mother.
"Would you like breakfast," Teena Mulder asked, quickly getting up
heading towards the stove.
"Yes please, we're both hungry," Mulder responded, sitting next to
Scully, Jacob close behind.
"How did you sleep honey," Scully asked, looking at Jacob.
"Just fine sweetheart," Mulder whispered back. Jacob giggled listening
to both of them.
"Jacob, how's your tummy?" Scully asked again, ignoring Mulder's words.
"Better. I got dizzy yesterday," he replied remembering how carsick he
got. Teena walked over to the table with two plates in her hand filled
with eggs, bacon, hash browns and a biscuit. "Dana, let me serve you."
"No Mrs. Mulder, I can do it, thank you though," Scully said standing up.
"When do you expect your mother?" Teena Mulder asked Scully.
"I don't know. She didn't want us to worry or to pick her up, so she
said she'll get here when she gets here." Her sentence was barely
finished when there was a knock on the door.
"Who could that be at this hour?" Mrs. Mulder asked.
"I wonder if it's Mom?" Scully questioned. Mrs. Mulder walked towards
the living room, Scully behind.
"Maggie, you're here early, how was your trip?" Teena asked, giving her
a quick hug.
"It was nice, thank you," she replied walking into the house carrying
her luggage. "Honey," she said, approaching Dana giving her a long embrace.
"Hi mom, it's good to see you again," Scully said, keeping the embrace.
"Where is Fox?"
"In the kitchen," she answered, then turned to look at Mrs. Mulder, "Is
Jacob"¦" she started to say.
"When you two finish talking come into the kitchen and have breakfast,"
she said leaving them both.
"Does Maggie know about Jacob?" Teena Mulder asked, walking into the
kitchen, closing the door behind her.
"I think she's told her," Mulder replied, knowing darn well that Mrs.
Scully knew all about Jacob.
"Interesting," she said.
"Mom I"¦" Mulder started to say but knew he was going to lose this one.
"Never mind Fox," she retorted, taking the trash from the kitchen,
heading towards the back door.
"I'll take that out," he suggested.
"I've been doing this by myself for a long time."
"Daddy, is your mommy mad at you?"
"Looks like it, Happy Thanksgiving," he sarcastically said.
"What?" Jacob asked confused, putting his arm around Mulder's back. The
kitchen door opened, Maggie Scully and Dana walking into the kitchen.
"Well, well Fox, I don't see you two for months and so many things
happen. Let me see this little guy," Mrs. Scully said, walking towards
Jacob, crouching down to his level. "You are so cute. How old are you?"
Jacob raised his two hands lifting 6 fingers.
"Six, I'm six years old" he said proudly. "Are you mommies, mommy?"
Maggie looked up confused.
"Jacob calls me that," Scully answered immediately.
"Well, then that would make me your grandma. Do you want to call me
that?" she asked holding the child and giving him a hug.
"I don't have a grandma, I want you to be my grandma," Jacob said
innocently as Mrs. Mulder walked in the door listening to the last
sentence that Jacob had said. Everyone's uneasiness showed in their
faces as they saw the expression on Teena's face.
"Son, my mother is your grandma," Mulder quickly said.
"She is! Can I call you grandma too," Jacob said running to Mrs. Mulder
giving her a hug.
"I would love that, now Maggie how about some breakfast," Teena said
trying to take the anxiety away from everyone's faces.
"If all of you don't mind, I think I'm taking Jacob boating for a couple
of hours," Mulder said getting up off the chair. "Scully, do you want to
come?"
"I'm staying here to help with dinner," she responded.
"Heaven's no, you three go and enjoy. Teena and I will be just fine.
Just don't be late," Maggie said walking towards the stove to get her
breakfast.
The air was so thick, that sometimes Scully wondered whether it was a
good idea being at the Mulder's. At times she felt sorry for Mulder but
then she looked at Mrs. Mulder and she felt bad for her as well. Mulder
went up the stairs followed by Jacob and Scully.
"I'll meet you out in the back," Mulder said, barely looking at Scully,
walking into his bedroom. He quickly changed then left Jacob dressing
himself. "Jacob when you're done go out to the backyard, I'll be there."
Mulder walked outside, the sea breeze hitting his face. He looked around
at the big yard that he remembered so well, trees adorning the yard. His
eyes kept on focusing on the huge tree just yards away from where he
stood. Gosh, so many years later and the tire still hung with a rope
tied securely over the thickest branch of the tree. He walked towards
it, sitting in the inner tube. He smiled as he wiggled his behind in the
hole of the tire. He held on the inner tube pushing himself with his
feet against the ground, swaying back and forth. He closed his eyes
envisioning his youth once again. It was only Sam and he. She was such a
good sister, always tagging behind him, he knew she always looked up to
him.
"Do you still fit in the inner tube?" Scully joked walking out, holding
Jacob's hand.
"Very funny, my rear end is still small," he teased. She opened her
mouth to say something, then changed her mind.
"Daddy a swing, that looks like fun, can you swing me," Jacob said
running towards him. Mulder got off the swing, carrying Jacob onto the
tire.
"Hold on tight," Mulder said, gently swaying the tire back and forth.
Without realizing his mind wondered again, his eyes watered with the
memory that was flashing back to him.
"What's the matter, Mulder? Are you thinking of Samantha?" she asked,
taking a hold of his hand as he kept the gentle swaying.
"Samantha fell off the tire. They blamed me for it, I wasn't pushing her
hard, I wasn't. She fell, and broke her collarbone. I've only thought of
this incident one other time - when we found the little girl's body that
John Lee Roche killed. How can I take care of Jacob, when I did such a
lousy job with Samantha," he said, voice trembling. "Take care of Jacob,
I need a little time." He walked away to the end of the property,
thoughts of his past filling his mind.
"What's wrong with daddy?" Jacob asked sadly.
"Nothing Jacob, he just needs to be alone for awhile. Let me swing you
some more, then we'll take you to the beach. How's that?"
Scully was startled by the gentle touch on her back. "Mom, you startled me."
"Sorry Honey, how are things going?"
"Not good, look for yourself," Scully replied, nodding towards Mulder.
He sat on the lawn, pulling the grass, then throwing it in front of him.
"Mommy can you get me down? I want to go to daddy," Jacob said, trying
to wiggle off of the tire. Scully walked in front of him carrying him
off. Jacob ran to Mulder, jumping on his back, wrapping his arms around
his neck.
"Like I said on the phone numerous times, it's so hard to see Fox as a
father," Mrs. Scully smiled.
"Mom you should see how he is with Jacob. He has had to learn fast, and
learn he has. He is such a wonderful father. He went through a lot of
grief when Jacob was kidnapped and then when Diana almost took him away.
Mom why has life gone so bad for him?" she asked, not really expecting
an answer. "I'm so confused. Sometimes I feel so sorry for Mulder and
then I look at his mother and feel sorry for her."
"Honey, I can't even imagine how she felt when her daughter disappeared.
I mean, the loss of Melissa was devastating but I had a closure, I was
able to put her to rest. Teena on the other hand has not been able to
bury her daughter. She might still be waiting for her to walk in the door."
"Does that give her a reason to close the door on her son?"
"Of course not. It bothers me to see how they are to each other. His
parents should have embraced him."
"But they didn't, instead they put blame on a twelve year old boy."
"I know, it is an injustice. Dana go to him, he needs you," Mrs. Scully
said, kissing her on the forehead. Scully walked to the end of the lawn
watching both Mulder and Jacob sitting next to each other on the grass,
both eating and spitting sunflower seeds.
"I see you are also a pro at "˜how to eat a sunflower seed'," Scully
smiled sitting on the grass next to the two.
"Do you want some?" Jacob asked. He held his hand out with a handful of
wet sunflower seeds that he had put in his mouth and then retrieved them
back out.
"No thanks, maybe later," she grinned. "So Mulder where are you taking us?"
"I was thinking about walking on the beach," he said putting another
seed in his mouth.
"Mulder, it's the end of November."
"We're not going in the water. We'll just walk on the beach, play some
baseball. Is that okay Jacob?" Jacob's smile beamed, standing up trying
to pull Mulder's arms to help him up. The beach wasn't far from his
mother's house, but they decided to drive just in case the weather
turned on them. Mulder retrieved from the trunk of his car his baseball
bat, a ball and his mitt. Most of the day the three played in the sand.
They took turns burying each other in the sand, played baseball and
climbed the rocks. At times Scully would sit on the sand admiring the
two, watching them both play. It was nice to see Mulder this way,
laughing, wrestling with Jacob, miles away from the atrocities that they
dealt with on a daily basis with the jobs they had. But she was sure
that Mulder was probably thinking the same thing about her.
"Mulder, Jacob I think it's time we start heading back. We've been out
here for five hours. They're going to send a search party for us. They
are going to have our hides if we don't get back in time for dinner,"
Scully said, standing up shaking the sand off of her.
""¦but I want to stay longer," Jacob whined.
"She's right, we better get back," Mulder agreed picking up the bat and
ball.

The three walked in, exhausted of the day's activity and plopped on the
couch.
"I wasn't sure if the three of you were going to be back in time for
dinner," Mrs. Mulder said.
"Teena, I'm sure they didn't even realize what time it was. Did the
three of you have fun?" Mrs. Scully asked, walking out the kitchen
wiping her hands on the dishtowel.
"Grandma, we had lots of fun," Jacob grinned, standing up from the couch
jumping up and down. On one of his jumps his leg buckled, pain radiating
on his thigh. The instant pain brought tears in the boy's eyes.
"Jacob your leg," Mulder said, picking him up from the floor. He laid
him on his side across his lap beginning to rub the old wound that still
brought the memory back when he played too hard.
"What happened to his leg?" Mrs. Mulder said walking towards the three
on the couch followed by Mrs. Scully.
"He was hit by a bullet that was meant for someone else. It went in his
leg after exiting from the intended victim. Mom, he'll be okay. I guess
we over did it. He didn't stop playing all day long," Scully said,
putting Jacob's feet on her lap.
"Fox I can't believe you let him play all day if you knew what the
consequences would be. That's not very good parenting," Mrs. Mulder
angrily said.
Mulder bit his lip trying desperately to keep his thought at the moment
to himself. After all, she was his mother and he needed to respect her.
How he wished he could reply with "˜I guess I do by example' but he
didn't say it. Of course the pinch on his leg by Scully might have been
the real reason he held back from really saying what he wanted to say.
"Grandma, stop being mad at daddy," Jacob said between tears.
"Honey nobody is angry at your daddy. Your grandmother was just worried
about you. Why don't the three of you get ready for dinner. It should be
ready in about an hour," Margaret Scully said, trying to lighten the
conversation. Mulder sat the boy on the couch then stood up stretching
his arms to Jacob. "Come on let's go to the bedroom." Jacob held on to
Mulder, wrapping his legs around his waist. The two older women walked
into the kitchen while Scully stayed on the couch watching Mulder and
Jacob walk away. As Mulder got close to the edge of the stairs he
stopped then looked at the door alongside the stairs. "Jacob, do you
want to see something?" Mulder asked. Carrying him, he walked to the
door, opening it and turning on the light switch. "Hold on tight, we're
going down the flight of stairs," Mulder said walking into the cellar.
"Where are we going?" Jacob asked attentively.
"To the basement. Do you want to see some of my things when I was your
age?" Mulder asked holding on to the rail with one hand, holding on to
Jacob tightly with the other. Mulder put the boy down when he reached
the bottom of the stairs. "Can you walk?"
"Uh huh," the boy replied, limping following him to the other side of
the room where the pile of boxes were neatly stalked. They both sat on
the floor while Mulder picked up a box and started opening it. "Jackpot"
Mulder said happily.
"Jackpot?" Jacob asked confused.
"This was my old baseball mitt when I was six, like you," he said as he
retrieved the mitt handing it over to Jacob. The boy quickly put the
mitt on his hand, "It fits daddy, you were small like me," he said
excitedly.
"My basketball. Why don't we find an empty box and we'll take some of
these things home. Do you want to do that?" Mulder asked, Jacob shaking
his head enthusiastically. The door opened at the top of the stairs,
Scully walking down the stairs joining them.
"Daddy who is this girl. You have her picture in our house?" Jacob asked
picking up a picture album, turning the pages.
"That's my sister, Samantha," Mulder responded taking the album from his
hands.
"Where is she?" he asked curiously.
"She"¦" Mulder started to say, looking up at Scully.
"Honey, when your daddy was a boy, a bad person came and took his sister
away," Scully tried to explain.
"Like the two bad men that took me away then took daddy and hit him a
lot?" Jacob responded.
"Yes, that's why you can't go anywhere with strangers." Jacob got up
walking over towards Mulder.
"Daddy do you miss your sister?" he innocently asked.
"Very much Jacob, more than anyone can ever imagine," he solemnly said.
"Daddy, we got away and mommy rescued us, didn't anyone try to rescue her?"
"I tried Jacob, all my life I've tried to find her."
"I would be very sad if you went away and never came back," the boy
commented.
Mulder started pulling out the different toys that Samantha and he
played when they were small. He got up and walked behind the bottom of
the stairs and picked up another box. Mulder couldn't help but chuckle
when he came across the Electrovac Duchess vacuum cleaner.
"What are you laughing about?" Scully asked, walking close to him.
"The vacuum cleaner. Roche was pulling all my strings wasn't he. I was
so sure that he was the one who kidnapped Samantha," Mulder said, moving
the infamous vacuum cleaner. Jacob was now looking at a steel box. The
steel box was closed securely with a padlock, at least it was years ago.
Jacob started fidgeting with the lock when it slipped open. Curiously he
took the padlock off and opened it up. He knew what it was. He had seen
this thing many times in his own house. He would see his daddy take it
off his belt of his pants and sometimes he had one on the ankle of his
foot. He would do something to it, take things out and then put it in a
box just like this one. Every time he saw his dad take this thing off he
wanted to ask him, he wanted to touch it, but he would be told
repeatedly that it was very dangerous and that children should never
touch it. But right now they were both on the other side and they
weren't looking at him. He pulled out the revolver from the box and
started examining it, turning it around, and placing his small fingers
near the trigger. Mulder looked up to see what Jacob was doing when he
felt the blood rush down his face. He wanted to leap to his feet, but he
knew that would only frighten the boy. He took a hold of Scully's arm
motioning for her to look at Jacob. Her eyes widen, wondering whether
the gun was loaded, it had to be unloaded, it had to be. Mulder
carefully stood up, walked slowly towards Jacob, followed by Scully.
"Jacob son, give me that," Mulder said softly. Jacob was startled even
at the whisper in Mulder's voice.
"Daddy I'm sorry, I know you don't want me touching this. I wanted to
touch it," Jacob said nervously. Mulder bent down taking the revolver
from his hand, checking it quickly that the gun was not loaded. Once he
realized it was empty, he threw it on the floor and grabbed Jacob by his
forearm gripping tightly. Jacob's face looked at him confused. He had
seen his father angry, but never this way. Anger and fear hit Mulder as
he stood the boy up swatting him hard twice on his bottom. Jacob's
surprised expression changed as he felt the sting. He knew he wasn't
suppose to touch the gun, he was told many times, but he didn't think
his dad would get this angry. He tried desperately not to cry but his
lips wouldn't stop quivering. Scully quickly went to the boy not knowing
whether she should intervene, but she needed to do something.
"Jacob your dad didn't mean to spank you, he was just scared that you
would get hurt," she told the boy, holding him near her. Mulder's facial
expression wouldn't change, thoughts of losing his son kept on flashing
in front of him.
"Mommy I don't want to be here," Jacob sobbed.
"Come on, let's take you upstairs. We have to get ready for dinner,"
Scully said, looking up at Mulder. She took a hold of his little hand
walking him towards the door, but she could clearly see that his leg
still hurt. She bent down to carry him and carried him out of the
basement. Mulder picked up his right hand, still stinging from the swat
that he had given his son. He fell to the floor, placing his hands over
his face. After a couple of minutes he looked up then went to the box
that Jacob was looking at. There in the bottom of the box was another
copy of that famous picture he had seen so many times before. He picked
up the picture of his own father and the Cigarette Smoking Man along
with Deep Throat and possibly other men from the consortium. Why were
they all together, what were they involved in. He turned around and
picked up that damn revolver, the same revolver that he should have been
big enough to get and pull the trigger. The steel box was atop of the
breakfront, he remembers the cries, "˜Fox, Fox' he could hear Samantha's
yells. He tried desperately to reach the steel box, he threw it on the
floor, but he froze, he couldn't get to the gun and then it was too late.
Scully carried Jacob to his room placing him on the bed. She could hear
his tiny sobs on her shoulder.
"Jacob honey, your dad didn't mean to spank you," she tried to console him.
"Daddy spanked me, he said he wasn't ever going to spank me."
"Jacob you have to understand, the gun is a very dangerous thing.
Children are never supposed to touch that. You know that. He's told you
many times when you're at home. You startled him Jacob, he was afraid
you would get hurt. Why don't we call him up here so he can take you a
shower and get you ready for dinner," she suggested.
"No, I don't want to have him take me a shower," he responded quickly,
"You take me a shower."
"Jacob, you've never wanted me to take you a shower."
"I don't like daddy right now," his voice trembled.
"Alright then, let's get your clothes," she said, opening the drawers
and retrieving his underclothes, his dress pants and his nice shirt. She
took his hand and walked him out of the room. She undressed him and
noticed the two distinctive hand marks on his bottom. She felt bad for
the boy, but she was aching at how Mulder must be feeling at this
moment. She wished she could be with him as well. Many times during the
seven months that she would be with them, Jacob would only let her draw
the bath, but he would never let her actually let her help him take his
shower, but right now, he didn't want to see his dad.
"Mulder continued putting some of his toys he loved as a boy in the box
along with his mitt and basketball. He placed the revolver back in the
steel box and wedged it at the bottom of the bigger box. He picked up
his box of his childhood, grabbing the famous picture of his father and
the rest of the syndicate, then walked up the stairs out of the
basement. He went to his room hoping to see Jacob but he wasn't there.
He grabbed a clean change of clothing and walked to the hall going into
the extra bathroom. Mulder turned on the water as hot as he could stand
it, standing there underneath the spray.
"Jacob, can you stay here for a moment, here why don't you look at this
book, I'll be right back," Scully said, picking him up onto the bed. She
walked outside of her bedroom, heading downstairs noticing both older
women sitting on the couch talking. She turned to the other side of the
hall listening to the sound of the shower. He had to already be in
there. She walked to the bathroom, gently tapping on the door.
"Mulder it's me, open the door," she whispered.
"I don't want to be here Scully, nothing good has come out of this
little trip."
"We're here for your mother and for Jacob, and you know what, I have a
feeling we're here for you. Get dressed, Jacob and I will meet you
downstairs. Don't worry, he'll forget anything happened before the night
is up. Let's end this day in a good note," she said. She let go of
Mulder, turning the knob, walking out of the bathroom.
"Mrs. Mulder, um we're almost ready for dinner," Scully said startled.
"Good, dinner is almost ready. Excuse me, I have to use the restroom,"
she said trying to go past her.
"Um, Mrs. Mulder, Fox is in there, he's getting ready," she nervously
said, walking past her heading towards her bedroom, "Shit, shit, shit,"
she mumbled to herself. Scully walked in her bedroom, sitting next to
Jacob when there was a knock on the door. She knew it had to be Mrs.
Mulder, what was she going to say.
"Come in," she said flustered. The door opened when she noticed it was
her mother. She took a deep breath and gave a big smile.
"Mom!" her voice came out in a surprised shrill.
"Dana honey, dinner is almost ready. You might want to tell Fox,"
Margaret Scully said walking towards the bed. "Well look whose here,
little Fox."
"Grandma, I don't like my daddy right now," Jacob interjected, as a
matter of fact.
"Why is that?" Mrs. Scully asked, looking at Dana curiously.
"He spanked me hard today. He made me cry."
"Dana?" her voice trailed off looking at her daughter.
"Jacob, maybe you should tell Grandma why you're angry at your dad,"
Scully insisted.
""¦cause he spanked me."
"No, not that, why did he spank you?" she asked again. Jacob's face
bowed down and whispered, "cause I took the gun from the box."
"Oh my, Jacob where did you get the gun?" Mrs. Scully, anxiously said
holding her hand to her lips.
"Mom, the three of us were downstairs in the basement looking at all of
Mulder's childhood memories, you know his toys, pictures, well the lack
of, anyway his sports paraphernalia when Jacob came across the steel box
with the gun. He startled Mulder and me when we looked at him and he had
the gun in his hand. It was just a reaction that Mulder had," Scully
explained.
"Son, your father didn't mean to spank you, you just frightened him. He
thought you were going to get hurt and it "˜was' only a reaction. I bet
he feels terrible about it. Don't you know that children aren't suppose
to play with guns?" Margaret Scully asked the boy.
He shyly shook his head, "Yes, daddy has told me lots of times at home
when he puts his guns in a box and locks them." He looked up at Mrs.
Scully continuing the sentence the best way he could, "Daddy said guns
are a bad thing, they hurt people and sometimes they don't come back,
they are dangous." The both Scully women tried to hold their smile at
his explanation.
"You mean dangerous," Scully corrected.
"That's what I said," Jacob said exasperated.
"Dana, where is Fox right now?" Margaret asked her daughter.
"Last I saw, um last I know, he was in the shower," Dana said. Mrs.
Scully gave a quick hug to Jacob.
"Son, maybe you should apologize to your father for getting the gun
after you were told not to touch it. And as for your father, I bet he
feels very bad about hitting you. Now both of you go downstairs, it's
almost dinner. I'll go get Fox." With that she stood up and walked
towards the door, followed by Dana.
"Thanks mom."
"I'll go get Fox. Knowing him he's probably guilt ridden." Margaret
Scully walked to the other side of the hall towards the bathroom, but
noticing the door opened, she turned and headed towards Mulder's
bedroom. She knocked on the door a couple of times before the door
slowly opened.
"Mrs. Scully," he said surprised. "I'm almost ready, I'll be down in a sec."
"Can I come in?" she asked, walking in the bedroom before he responded,
leaving the door ajar from his room.
"Yes of course." She walked over to his bed and tapped it with her hand,
motioning him to sit next to her. Confused he did as he was told.
"I just came from Dana's room. Jacob and I had a little talk," she
started. He half-grinned then looked down, his fingers fidgeting. She
took his hand to hers and continued. "You didn't do anything wrong, he
knows that now. Heck, I don't understand the discipline that is being
done with these modern parents. What is the word "˜time out', "˜time out'
my a"¦" she began to say," blushing at her last words.
"Mrs. Scully?" he said in surprise with a smile.
"Now that's how I like you to be, that unforgettable smile. What is that
old saying "˜spare the rod and spoil the child', something like that. Ask
Dana, she got a couple of good whacks during her growing up years,
including the rest of her siblings. Tell me what happened Fox, what did
you feel?" Mrs. Scully asked him, still holding onto his hand. In the
hallway, Mrs. Mulder was coming out of her bedroom, heading towards her
son's bedroom to tell him that dinner would almost be ready when she saw
the door opened. She was going to go in when she heard voices. At first
she thought it was Dana, but then realizing it was Margaret she assumed
that she was telling him about dinner, when she overheard the last sentence.
"Mrs. Scully, when I saw Jacob with the gun in his hands, I reacted
poorly. I didn't know if the gun was loaded, I mean I know better than
to think that it had ammunition in it, I just"¦" he tried to explain.
"You were in perfect right to your feelings. I would have reacted the
same way," she pacified.
"Mrs. Scully"¦" he started to say, then stopped.
"What, talk to me Fox."
"I've been thinking a lot these last two days. Coming back home has made
me think. After I hit Jacob"¦"
"Spanked, Fox, you spanked Fox, not hit," she corrected him.
"Okay spanked, anyway after he and Scully left the basement, I picked up
that gun and remembered a lot of things. That gun"¦ I"¦ when Samantha was"¦
Mrs. Scully I could still hear her scream, I could still hear her call
my name, Fox.. Fox"¦ help me Fox. I went to retrieve the gun. I remember
going for the steel box from the breakfront and tossing it to the floor.
I fell to my knees trying to get the gun and shoot whoever was taking
her. But"¦ but I couldn't see anything, there was this light, a strong
white light and all I could hear was Samantha calling for me," he
narrated. Mrs. Mulder's eyes became teary eyed at the remembrance of
that dreadful night, her hands covering her mouth trying to quiet any
sounds that might escape.
"Go on"¦" Mrs. Scully insisted.
"I don't remember anything else, Mrs. Scully, I wish I could, I just
don't remember. Oh but I do remember my parents coming home, that I
remember like it was yesterday," he continued. "My mother went crazy,
she was searching all over the house, calling her, calling Samantha.
Dad, he flipped out. He, um, he grabbed my shoulders and, and kept on
shouting over and over, "˜where is Samantha, who took her, why didn't you
stop them, why didn't you stop them.' I couldn't say anything, nothing
would come out of my mouth. I was paralyzed "¦ um, he then started
hitting me. Yes Mrs. Scully, not spanking me, hitting me, he took his
belt out and started beating me. I hadn't been hit by a belt in years,
and he wouldn't stop. Mom came back downstairs and"¦ she should have
stopped him, she let him beat me up, over and over and over. Mrs.
Scully, I didn't let them take Samantha away, I tried to stop but I
couldn't"¦ Mom wasn't there for me, in fact, she hasn't been there for me
in many years, not even when I got married," he rambled on the last
sentences, his voice almost a whisper. Margaret Scully put her hand on
his lap and enveloped him in her arms, holding him close to her. Mulder
buried his head on the nook of her neck, talking aimlessly. Mrs. Scully
knew that he needed to release all his feelings, she had been there many
times with her own children. How she ached for this man who needed
desperately the love of his mother. She knew he needed to cry, but she
didn't want to embarrass him, so she just held him in her arms, letting
him get to that point himself, when it happened. First she felt his
tears soaking her neck, then the silent whimper and then the sobs that
he couldn't control.
"Go ahead Fox, you've been holding your feelings for much too long, let
it out," she consoled as she rocked him slightly letting him cry as long
as he could. Teena Mulder stood in the hallway listening to the past,
she herself crying at the sound of her sons sobs and still being unable
to run in there and hold him, take the rightful place next to him,
instead of Margaret, she couldn't. She walked past the opened door,
Margaret raising her vision at that moment, seeing Teena walk by. She
had a feeling Teena had been there the whole time. "˜Why had she not come
in, her son needed her at this moment. Well if his own mother wasn't
going to be there to protect him, to tell him it was okay to cry, she
was not going to abandon him,' she thought to herself. They stayed like
that for what seemed hours, but in fact five minutes had only past from
the moment he had started crying. After he felt that there wasn't a tear
left in him, he raised his head, wiping the wetness from his face,
embarrassed at what he had done.
"I'm so sorry, you must think I'm a wimp, a cry baby," he smiled.
"Not at all son, men can also cry. Are you okay?" she asked. He chuckled
at the last sentence.
"Now I know where Scully gets that phrase. Yes, I'm okay, as okay as a
totally dysfunctional man could be." He got up trying to compose himself.
"Why don't you wash up and go down for a Thanksgiving dinner. We have a
lot to be thankful for." With those last words, she stood up and left
the room, but before closing the door she turned back, "Fox don't worry
about Jacob, you did the right thing. He knows it, he still loves you."
It took thirty more minutes before Mulder came downstairs. Nobody said
anything about his tardiness, they all knew that he needed his time to
recuperate, they all knew in their own way what he had been through. The
dinner table was set up in all its beauty. The turkey browned to
perfection, yams, mash potatoes, everything that the traditional
Thanksgiving dinner had. The house had so many wonderful aromas that
filled the air. The essence of pumpkin pie filled their nostrils. The
five sat around the table, Mulder and Mrs. Mulder taking the ends of the
table, Scully sitting adjacent to him, Jacob next to Scully. Mrs. Scully
sat at the other side of the table. The clicking of spoons, forks and
knives filled the house, bowls and plates moving around the table. When
they all had filled their plates with food, Mrs. Scully spoke up.
"Okay, okay now I know you guys are going to raise the eyebrows and say
"˜oh brother', but don't you think that we should go around the table and
say a little something," she suggested.
"Mom," Scully protested.
"Hush, we are * all * going to get our turn. Who wants to start?" she
asked, complete silence around the table. "Okay, let's not all talk at
the same time, I'll start. Although the rest of my family wasn't able to
be with me, they are in my hearts and I know they are thinking of me.
With that out of the way, I want to thank God for everything I have been
given this last year and my whole life. I'm in the company of wonderful
people, family and friends that I love"¦ next" she said, looking at Teena
Mulder. Teena and Mulder's face connected both looking at each other
intensely.
"I know it's been hard for me to express my feelings through the years,
I"¦ I know that I have not been the best mother, but"¦ I"¦ I"¦," she tried
to say then gave up, "I want to thank God for all we have." Mulder
sighed, bowing his head in frustration.
"My turn, my turn," Jacob giggled.
"I love my mommy, I love my grandma, and my other grandma, and I"¦ I
still love you daddy, even if you spanked me. Your turn mommy," he said
turning to face Scully.
"I also want to express the same feelings as mom, although the rest of
my family isn't here, I have them in my heart. Mrs. Mulder, I want to
thank you for inviting us over and having this wonderful meal. Jacob, my
little Jacob, you have taught me so much. And Mulder, what can I say
about you, only that I want to thank you for always being there for me."
"Why don't we just start eating, I'm starving," he tried to avoid the
inevitable.
"Not fair, you have to say something," Mrs. Scully said. He took a deep
breath and then started around the table. "Mrs. Scully, thanks for
listening to me. Mom, you have been a good mom." He turned to look at
Jacob, "Son, Scully said it best, you have taught me so much in the last
seven months. My priorities have changed, my wants have changed, you
have changed me." He looked at Scully and softly said, "Scully, remember
you're my one in five billion," then turned to the others, "Okay let's
eat." He stood up starting to carve the turkey. He poured some wine in
everyone's glass and poured grape juice in Jacob's. Mulder raised his
glass of wine to Scully for a toast and drank the wine.
"So Fox, Dana, tell us some exciting assignments you've been on." Mrs.
Scully asked.
"Just hunting for aliens, mutants and clones, nothing exciting," he
answered, pouring himself a second glass of wine. He turned to pour some
more wine in Scully's glass.
"Just half a glass," she responded as he filled the glass once again.
"Son, where does Jacob stay when you are at work?" Mrs. Mulder asked.
"With three of my best friends, as a matter of fact, my only friends,"
he laughed. You like them, don't you Jacob?" Mulder said, looking at Jacob.
"They are nice and very funny," he responded, taking a bite of his
turkey. Mulder stretched over for the bottle of wine a third time and
poured himself another drink.
"Mulder, you're not used to drinking, slow it down," Scully whispered to
him.
"They pick Jacob up after school and keep them at their apartment until
I get home. If we are on assignment, Jacob stays there with them. You
don't mind, do you Jacob?" Mulder said giddy.
"Nope, they show me lots of things. They show me games in the puter," he
said, taking a drink of his grape juice. "Daddy, are you drinking what
I'm drinking?"
"Yea, I'm drinking grape juice, and boy is this stuff good," he joked,
pouring himself a fourth drink.
"Mom, you know I've been wanting to ask you a question," he started to ask.
"What is that?"
"Why did you stop taking pictures of me after Samantha disappeared?
Never mind. don't answer the question, I don't feel like hearing any
excuses," he uttered pouring himself his fifth drink.
Scully was busy conversing with her mother and Mrs. Mulder that she
hadn't paid attention to how many drinks Mulder had already served
himself. Scully turned to face Jacob to ask him a question when she
noticed the boy staring at Mulder, a chuckle coming out of him. She
lowered her head closer to him, "What's so funny Jacob?" He picked up
his finger pointing at his father, "Look at Daddy," he whispered. Scully
turned to face Mulder when she noticed his architectural work on the
mash potatoes. She leaned over to him, "Mulder what are you doing?"
"Hey Scully did you ever see Close Encounters, this is Devils Tower," he
snickered, moving his mash potatoes with his fork. "Wait, wait, I know
let me make you the Flukeman, do you remember him, of course you do," he
giggled, spreading his mash potatoes and starting the artwork once again.
"Mulder you're drunk," she softly said.
"I'm not drunk Scully, I'm just happy, it's a happy time, it's
Thanksgiving," he sarcastically said with a snicker. Okay, I have to
shake the lizard, hey Scully do you want to help and hold my wiener," he
said words slurring. Scully raised her hand, rubbing her temples,
looking down embarrassed at Mulder's words. She didn't dare look up to
face her mother or Mrs. Mulder. Jacob started giggling watching and
listening at his father.
"Um, daddy said wiener," Jacob laughed
"Fox!" Mrs. Mulder said angrily, "Dana, take his glass of wine away from
him. You are not drinking anymore today."
"Mother, I'm not a child, I'm a grown man and I could drink all I want,
besides, I just want to take a leak and boy if I don't go now, I'm going
to wet my pants," he said, words garbled. He stood up quickly from his
seat, "Whoa"¦ hey Scully, X-File right here in mom's house. Something is
making this room spin, make it stop spinning," He held on to the chair
his body swaying back and forth. "Mom where is the bathroom? Oh that's
right I was raised here, never mind." He stumbled slowly from the dinner
table to the bathroom.
"Mom, Mrs. Mulder, I don't know what got into him. He's never been drunk
since I've known him, in fact, I don't think I've ever seen him drink,"
Scully told them.
"Dana, I think Fox is very confused right now. His emotions have been
working overtime today and this is just the accumulation of everything.
I don't think his intentions were to get drunk. I think it's a method
he's trying to forget," Mrs. Scully stated.
"I'm so embarrassed. He should not be acting this way, I don't care what
problems he has," Mrs. Mulder said angrily.
"With all due respect, Mrs. Mulder maybe with a little understanding
in"¦" Scully started to say but decided to stop when she got a piercing
eye from her mother. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything."
"Okay, I'm suppose to unsnap and unzip, umm this is not easy when the
room is spinning, you are in there somewhere aren't you," Mulder giggled
trying to hold himself to relieve the five glasses of wine. He finally
finished, washed his hands and rubbed them on his pants to dry, walking
out of the bathroom. "Okay, no more wine for me, well I'll show her," he
said to himself walking into the kitchen. "Hey mom, do you have any
apple cider?" he yelled from the kitchen.
"Well at least he decided not to drink anymore," Mrs. Mulder said. "It's
in the refrigerator."
"Apple cider my ass," he giggled, walking to the liquor cabinet taking
out a bottle of scotch. He poured himself a glass of scotch filling it
with ice. He took a quick sip from the glass feeling the burning
sensation down his throat. He poured himself another glass and stammered
out of the kitchen. "See mother, I'm a good boy, apple cider." He sat
down back on his seat. "Do I have to eat my dinner, it doesn't look so
good, I mean no offense, I'm sure it's wonderful, but right now -- " he
said turning green looking at the food in his plate. He took a hold of
his glass of scotch when Scully noticed the drink. She went to grab the
glass at the same time Mulder did, spilling the drink all over Mulder's
shirt.
"Damn it Mulder this isn't apple cider," Scully shouted.
"Grandma, is daddy being bad?" Jacob asked, turning to the two older women.
"Is this the impression you want to give your son?" Mrs. Mulder asked
angrily, walking over to Fox.
"I can't do any better than you did," he responded. Teena raised her
hand at him, about to slap him but stopped herself. "Mom, I'm sor"¦" he
started to say but was unable to finish his sentence, as he saw her
leave the dining room. Mrs. Scully got up from her seat, "You take care
of him, I'll see if I could talk to Teena."

After the confrontation, Margaret followed the obviously distressed Tina
into the living room. Jacob's eyes widened as he quickly put his hands
over his face, visions of the warehouse popping in his mind.
"Daddy," he yelled.
"Shh Jacob, nothing happened. Your daddy said something he shouldn't
have. Your grandma got her feelings hurt," Scully tried to explain. She
turned her attention to Mulder, watching him try to wipe his soaked-shirt.
"Mulder what the hell has gotten into you? You've hurt your mother, now
you have Jacob worried," Scully scowled.
"Teena, he didn't mean what he said, he's drunk and confused." Mrs.
Scully said.
"I wanted this weekend to be a nice one. I know I haven't been the best
parent. I wanted this to be a start for both of us," Mrs. Mulder
responded sadly.
"Have you tried talking to him?" she asked.
"I've tried a couple of times. The first time I heard him playing with
his son and I didn't want to interrupt. Earlier today I wanted to talk
to him, but when I walked by his bedroom, I heard him talking to you. He
seemed very upset. I wanted him to be able to express himself and get it
out of his system. I felt that he wouldn't be able to do that with me,"
Teena Mulder explained.
"I'm sorry Teena, you should have been in the room with him instead of me."
"Maggie, I'm thankful that he had someone to talk to. If I was in there
with him, all we would have done was argue."
"You don't know that. Teena, he's going to be here until Tuesday
mornings, you still have four more days to make amends, for both of you
to make amends. Now let's get out there, heaven knows what your son has
done or said." Maggie teased, as they both walked back into the dining room.
"Fox, why don't you change your shirt. Dana you better help him up the
stairs before he passes out," Mrs. Mulder said.
"Mommy can I come with you?" Jacob asked.
"You better stay here, I'm afraid what your father is going to do,"
Scully said trying to stand him up, holding him under his arm. He stood
up staggering a little then started walking towards the stairs.
"Scully, make the room stop spinning."
"Serves you right." They went into his bedroom, closing the door behind
him. "Okay, take off your shirt while I get you a clean one. Do you
think you can do that?" she asked trying to move him close to the bed.
He started fiddling with the buttons on his shirt, "Scully why are the
button holes so small?" he asked slurring his words.
"Mulder, take off your shirt," she demanded walking towards the dresser,
pulling open each drawer until she found where his t-shirts were at.
"Here's a nice tee-shirt," she said turning around, "Mulder what the
hell!" she shouted. He was standing there, shirt off, pants down to his
ankles, and in the process of dropping his boxers.
"You know Mulder, you will never touch another drop of liquor as long as
I'm around. Now why in the world are your pants off?"
"Scully, can we have sex?" Mulder asked giggling.
"Get your pants back on," she demanded.
"You're no fun," he pouted, bending down to retrieve his pants, the room
spinning faster and faster. "Oh God, I don't think I could." She walked
over to him, bent down picking up his pants, trying to maneuver them
over his hips. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly
against his chest.
"Scully, I love you," he whispered.
"Mulder, why do you have to say those three words when you're either
delirious or drunk?" she asked snapping the buttons of his jeans back
on. Now here, let me help you with the tee shirt and let's go back
downstairs. You're not giving you're son a very good holiday. For that
matter, you're not teaching him a very good lesson," She scolded.
"Scully, why don't you go ahead. Let me lie down for a bit, let me sober
a little," he suggested to her.
"That's not a bad idea, just don't take too long," she replied heading
towards the door. He slowly sat on the bed trying to get his bearings.
Once his eyes focused he slowing lay down on the bed. "Well Mulder, you
really screwed this evening. You've insulted your mother, you've
embarrassed your partner, and to top it off, you've embarrassed her in
front of her mother, and as everyone has said mentioned, you've really
set a great example to your son" he said to himself. "I need a drink,"
he announced out loud, maneuvering himself back to a sitting position
and figuring how he was going to escape. "˜But first I want another
drink'," he thought to himself, walking out the door and slowing going
downstairs. He went to the liquor cabinet only to find it locked.
"Locked, I can't believe they locked the cabinet," he whined like a
child. Plan two, he didn't have a plan two, for that matter he didn't
have a plan one. Maybe if he took a walk. The car would be out of the
question, in fact, he knew he couldn't even drive. He wondered how he
was going to walk to the back door without anyone seeing him. He walked
holding on to the wall, peeking around the corner when he caught Jacob's
eye. "Shhh," he motioned with his finger. Jacob smiled and looked away,
thinking he was doing his dad a favor. "˜Mission accomplished' he thought
closing the back door carefully so as not to make any noise. He took a
step backwards and turned around only to nearly bump into his mother.
"Mom, what are you doing here?" he slurred his words.
"Thinking, What are you doing outside?" she returned the question.
"Um, fresh air, yes I'm getting some fresh air," he mumbled.
"Let's go inside, it's cold out here," she said. She took a hold of his
arm and walked him in. He felt like a thirteen year-old getting caught
sneaking out of his bedroom window. "You're going to sit down and eat
some dinner. I noticed that you drank your dinner," she said, sitting
him at the table, getting a plate. She served him some turkey, stuffing
and mash potato. He looked at it, face turning green at the site.
"Mom, I'm really not hungry," he said trying to push the plate away.
"Eat," she demanded and walked away. Jacob came running to him, sitting
on the chair next to him. "Jacob, do you want some turkey?"
"Nope, I'm full," he answered. Mulder stirred the food around, spreading
it on the plate so it would look like he had eaten some. He remembered
during his childhood that he had this down to a science. He remembered
the times that he would spoil his dinner by eating cookies and then
figure out a way to eat his dinner. Spread the food, making it look
empty, and that's what he was doing right now. "Jacob, go sit with Dana,
I'm going to go wash my plate." Jacob went running to the couch, sitting
next to Scully. He cupped his mouth and whispered something in her ear.
"Where are you going Mulder?" Scully asked.
"I'm taking my dish in the kitchen, is that okay?" he asked
sarcastically. He took his plate, rinsing it and placing it in the
dishwasher. He was about to leave the kitchen when he noticed the bottle
of wine. He looked towards the door making sure that no one was coming
in, then quickly gulped the bottle of wine that had a third left of wine.
"Oh my, that wasn't a good idea," he said, feeling the rush to his head
and the instant spinning of the room. He walked out slowly, holding on
to the walls.
"Well, it's been a great day and a great dinner, but I am exhausted," he
said feigning a yawn. "Mom, Mrs. Scully, Scully, I'm going to bed. Come
on Jacob let go," he said slurring his words taking each step carefully.
He turned his head facing Jacob when a wave of dizziness hit him.
"Scully, can you come with me for a minute? I need to ask you
something," he lied, hoping that she would help him up the stairs.
"Good night," the two older women said simultaneously. Scully got up,
walking towards Mulder.
"Scully, help me go upstairs," he said holding on to her for balance.
"So Mulder, do you want another drink?" she asked annoyed. She held his
arm and started walking with him trying to make it as nonchalant as
possible. Her hopes were to hide from the two older ladies his drunken
state - as if they didn't know it already. Jacob saw Scully hold his dad
so he quickly followed suit holding his other hand.
"Thanks Jacob, he's going to need both of our help," Scully said,
looking at the little guy trying to take care of his dad. They walked
across the living room, passing the two women sitting on the couch.
"Thank you Mrs. Mulder and Mom for a wonderful dinner. I think we will
retire for the night," Scully said in passing.
"Is he going to be alright?" Margaret Scully asked.
"Let's hope not, he needs a good lesson," Scully said irritated, then
turned to Teena "Sorry Mrs. Mulder." They reached the first step of the
stairs when Mulder stopped dead in his tracks, "What's wrong?" Scully
asked him.
"The steps are moving."
"Don't look down," Scully ordered helping him move faster, Jacob
trailing close behind. They had barely reached the top of the stairs
when Mulder's hand raised to his mouth. "Scully, I'm going to get sick."
They hurried him into the bathroom, barely in time for him to throw up
the contents of his stomach.
"Yuck Daddy, you got it all over you and the bathroom and everything.
Grandma is really going to get mad at you," Jacob said grossed out at
the sight. Mulder fell to his knees embracing the toilet seat, retching
the glasses of wine and scotch he had consumed.
"Mulder, I hope you puke your guts out," she said exasperated.
"Thanks Scully for your love and understanding," he said between heaves.
"Hey, you put yourself in this situation. Jacob, take care of your
father while I go get him a change of clothing." She walked out of the
bathroom at the same time the two older women were going into their
perspective bedrooms.
"Mrs. Mulder, I'll make him clean up his mess," she said, walking into
Mulder's bedroom. She retrieved a pair of boxer shorts, his sweats and a
tee shirt then walked back into the bathroom. "How is he Jacob?" she
asked him.
"Mommy when I got sick we were in the car but now we aren't in the car.
Why did Daddy get sick?" he asked not understanding.
"That's a good question Jacob, why don't you ask him that when he stops
getting sick." Scully wet a washcloth and started wiping his mouth. "Are
you done?" He looked up, his face completely pail. "I think so."
"Take off your clothes and get in the shower," she ordered.
"I don't want to look down, it makes me sick."
"Well figure out a way then." She was not going to make him forget this
little selfish episode. He had completely ruined the dinner and now he
was paying for it.
"Jacob, could you help me take off my shoes and socks?" he asked the
boy. Jacob complied by bending down, trying to untie his tennis shoes.
Mulder proceeded to pull down his pants and then his boxers then slowly
taking off his shirt. Scully had already started the shower water then
started cleaning where Mulder had missed.
"SCULLY, the water is freezing," he yelled walking right into the spray.
"Sorry Mulder, I thought it was warm," she grinned. "Finish showering
and get dressed," she mandated, leaving the room. He wasn't about to do
anything that would upset her more. He knew he was in deep trouble so
following her instructions to the letter would be in his best interest.
Jacob stayed in the room, helping his father the best he could then they
both walked to the bedroom. Scully had already pulled the covers to his
bed when they both walked in.
"Thanks Scully, you still love me don't you," he tried to butter her up.
"Mulder, shut up and get to bed." He walked slowly, sitting at the edge
of the bed.
"Jacob, put your pajamas on and climb in," he said slowly.
"No, Jacob is not sleeping here tonight," she insisted.
"But Mommy, I always sleep with Daddy," Jacob sadly said.
"Jacob honey, your father isn't feeling well. You don't want him getting
sick all over you do you?" Jacob's face changed from sad to disgust in a
matter of seconds.
"No way," he said getting his pajamas from the drawer. He walked to
Mulder and gave him a good night kiss.
"Daddy, I think Mommy isn't happy with you." Mulder tried to give Scully
his "˜sad look' to soften her.
"Not this time, Mulder. You should have thought of this before your
little childish episode. Come on, Jacob." Mulder raised up his legs to
the bed and slowly put his head on the pillow.
"Scully, the room is still moving. Scully"¦" he said, but this time
Scully had to take pity. She walked back to him bending down, her face
close to his.
"I'm sorry Scully, I'm one sorry son of a bitch, aren't I?"
"Mulder, no you're not, you're just hurting. I know why you pulled this
little stunt," she whispered, kissing him on his forehead.
He tried closing his eyes but between the room spinning and the constant
nauseous feeling, he was unable to fall asleep. Tossing and turning was
out of the question since that would only make him dizzy. "Okay this was
not one of my brightest moves, now I know why I don't drink," he
thought, feeling his stomach gurgle. "Maybe a walk in the cold night air
will sober me up." At any other time, he wouldn't think twice stepping
into his running shoes and running a couple of miles, but today he'd be
lucky if he could walk straight. He carefully bent down putting on his
socks then slipping his feet into his tennis shoes on the floor and
slowly brought his feet up onto the bed so he could tie the shoelaces.
He had his sweat pants and tee shirt on already, all he needed was his
jacket. "I won't need my weapon, maybe just my wallet" he pondered
walking to the dresser and putting the wallet in the pocket of his
jacket. Mulder's slow even steps took him out of the bedroom walking
down the hall. He passed Scully's bedroom wanting to go in there to see
the two people he cared about more than life itself. He debated whether
he would chance it, heart winning he held the knob of the door and
slowly opened it. The light from the moon beamed into the room, showing
a ray of brilliance shine on the two. He stood there for a couple of
minutes watching the two as their chests moved slightly up and down with
the rhythm of their breathing. He wanted to get in bed, snuggle against
Scully, but tonight would not be the night. He leaned over placing a
slight kiss on Jacobs's face, watching him twitch his nose at the feel
of Mulder's stubble. He walked out of the room promising himself that
Friday morning he was going to have a long talk with everyone he had
hurt that evening, which was everyone there. Still woozy, he held onto
the rail of the stairs and took the steps slowly making sure not to look
down. One thing about living in this small community, a late night walk
was always safe, doors left unlocked and on the hot days, only screen
doors would separate the outside world. He started walking slowing down
the path, not knowing where he was heading, just walking, clearing his
head. He looked at his watch planning on walking maybe about an hour out
and then heading back. The cold breeze felt good, but he still felt
sick, at times stopping to rub his stomach trying desperately not to
puke anymore liquid out of his system. A mixture of wine and scotch was
not the best taste coming out instead of going in. Sometimes his
photographic memory was more of a hindrance than a plus, remembering
every part of his life. He needed to know so much of his past, he needed
to know who CSM was. Was the Smoking Man his mother's lover? Was he the
father of Samantha, him or both? Why did they choose Sam over him? Sure
he was told everything that night in Diana's apartment about the
conspiracy, about everyone in the consortium having to hand over a loved
one, but was that all true? He was so close to the truth with the floppy
disc that Jacob had hidden, he had the answers in his hand, but he chose
Jacob over the truth. He remembered having to do that once before
trading his sister, whom he thought was his sibling, switch places with
Scully. He remembered the ache in his heart when he had to tell his
father that he once again had lost his sister. He ached and wanted his
father to hold him. He didn't care if he was a 37 year-old man, a son
always needs his parents, no matter how old he is. But instead his
father's anger overshadowed everything. Mulder's eyes became teary as he
remembered that night when he tried to be a man and not cry in front of
his father, but his father was so angry. Looking down at his watch, he
realized it was now 3:00 in the morning, and he had been walking for two
hours. He did feel better, the dizziness seemed to be leaving him, and
all he had was a ferocious headache that was now turning into a massive
hangover. He figured he had a two hour walk back which would take him
close to 5:00 in the morning, if anyone woke up in the household they
would surely worry and the last thing he needed was to put himself in a
bigger predicament. He walked close to the side of the road hoping that
a passerby would pick him up. After all, this was a safe area, Chilmark
was a quiet place. He started walking west, heading towards Gay Head,
about five to six miles he came to a beautiful multi-hued layered cliffs
with 150-foot cliffs. He started heading back and after 30 minutes a
smokey-colored 56 Ford Pickup slowed down stopping just ahead of
Mulder's path.
"Sir, do you need a ride? You must be cold?" the young passenger asked.
The young man looked to be around 24 years old, blue eyes, his hair
pulled back in a shoulder length ponytail.
"That would be great, I was just taking in the night air when I realized
how far I had walked," Mulder said. The passenger got out of the truck,
waiting for Mulder to move into the center of the seat. The passenger
getting back in the car.
"Did you have a good Thanksgiving Dinner with your family?" the driver
asked. Mulder looked over to his left seeing the driver hands holding
the steering wheel. He noticed a snake tattoo on the top of his hand. He
smiled at the reminder of his Scully having a similar tattoo but her's
was in another place that only he could see. "Well, maybe one day," he
smiled. The driver was about 28 years old, but unlike his friend, he was
a robust male possibly towering over 6'5' and at least weighing a close
300 pounds.
"Where do you live?" the driver asked.
"Just follow this road," Mulder said, pointing straight ahead.
"Your name is?" the passenger asked.
"Fox Mulder, and yours?" he replied.
"My name is Lloyd and my friend is Derrick," the driver said.
"So what takes you out at this time of night?" Derrick asked.
"Thinking. I guess holidays do that to people," Mulder responded.
"Um, that it does. You look like you have the world on your shoulders.
Maybe a drink will help you forget," Lloyd said, bending down picking up
a brown grocery bag that was on the floor of the truck. "Say do you want
a can of beer, we didn't get much celebrating today?" Lloyd asked.
"It's against the law to drink and drive," Mulder said, feeling an
instant reminder of the retching event from earlier that evening.
"Ah common, there isn't any police around. It's our way of saying
thanks," Lloyd pressed. Mulder's instinct in years of police work hit an
instant warning sign. How many times did he tell Jacob not to get in
cars with strangers. But this was Chilmark; a quiet place, a place where
everyone came to get away.
"You know, I really do appreciate the lift, but the night is beautiful
and I really want to walk home," Mulder said, nuzzling his hand slowing
to his waistband, remembering his Sig was left at home.
"Now, now, we won't have you walking home. Who knows what shaky people
are out on the road at this time of night," Derrick smiled an evil grin.
Lloyd took out a six pack of beer, pulling the tab of a can and handing
it over to Mulder.
"No thanks, I already did my share of drinking today, and my head and
stomach really are not thirsty."
"We insist, drink," Lloyd insisted, pushing the can of beer in his hand.
Mulder's position in the middle of the two didn't help matters any. If
he goes along and drinks the can of beer, maybe they'll let him go. He
took the can of beer and drank it, feeling the coldness of the liquid go
down his throat. The first taste was refreshing, but the smell of the
liquor made his stomach turn and the reminder of the retching a few
hours before was still permeated in his mind. He drank the can in a few
big gulps hoping to make the two happy.
"That was good right, here have another," Lloyd said handing him another
can, while he pulled two more out of the bag. He pulled the tab of one
of the can's handing it over to Derrick. The two gulped down the can of
beer with gusto.
"Come on, it's not nice to drink alone," Derrick instead.
"Okay boys thanks for the lift but I think I'd like to walk the rest of
the way home," Mulder said uncomfortably.
"Now, now this is not the way to thank us for the ride," Derrick said,
lowering his left arm to the side of the seat, and with one swift
movement retrieved a gun that was hidden under the seat. He raised his
arm moving it over his right arm pointing it at Mulder. At the same time
Lloyd opened the glove compartment taking out a handgun.
"Come on guys, this is Thanksgiving. You did a good deed by giving me a
ride, now why don't you just pull over and we'll forget this ever
happened," Mulder tried to bargain.
"Mister, do you have family?" Lloyd asked, holding the gun in one hand,
taking a sip of his beer with the other.
"I have a son," Mulder said.
"Are you married?" Derrick asked.
"There's someone special, yes," Mulder answered.
"Well, then why are you not with your lady, snuggled with her, or
holding your son. Leave the lonely nights for people that really are
lonely," Derrick told. "Lloyd, give him another beer. Obviously he must
be having family problems."
"I really don't want another"¦" Mulder words were ineffective. They gave
him a third can and watched him drink it all. Mulder knew that if he
took another sip he would surely puke and he really didn't want to. Then
he thought a good retching on them in their nice classic truck would be
the answer to his escape. He had lost all sense of time, only that maybe
three hours had past since his asinine idea in taking a walk. Derrick
pulled the truck to the side of the road motioning Lloyd to get out of
the vehicle. The two men walked out of the truck, gun still in hand
gesturing Mulder to get out. He felt sick to his stomach and was
starting to have a buzz all over again. He slid his body until he got to
the end of the seat and got out of the truck. He did a quick panoramic
view trying to register the scenery and catalogue it in his brain for
future use. He noticed they had driven to the beach, the truck parked at
the edge of the cliff that inclined down to some huge rocks.
"Put your hands behind your neck and lock your fingers," Derrick
demanded. Mulder hesitated trying to talk himself out of the situation
but did not have an option when Lloyd had jammed the gun on his ribs, so
he decided to do as he was told.
"Search him. Maybe he has money?" Derrick ordered. Lloyd frisked him,
then put his hands in Mulder's jacket pocket.
"A wallet," Lloyd said excitedly.
"Just cash, no credit cards," Derrick told. Lloyd ruffled threw the
wallet pulling out sixty dollars.
"This should buy us some more six-packs," Lloyd laughed. "Well looky
here, this guy is a FBI agent," Lloyd told Derrick taking Mulder's FBI
I.D. card from the wallet.
"Do we know how to pick them. Now what?" Lloyd asked.
"Don't worry, they won't find him."
"Look guys, just take the money and go. My partner will notice that I'm
missing and she'll be looking for me," Mulder tried to make them understand.
"So your partner is around the area, or is she your girlfriend. That's
it, she's your "˜special person'. Well, she will have to really look for
you," Derrick said. Mulder had turned to face Lloyd trying once again to
reason with him when he felt an enormous blow on the back of his head.
He felt the instant pain and then blackness. Derrick had raised his arm
with enough force to knock anyone into unconsciousness. Mulder was
standing at the edge of the cliff, when he felt the blow his feet
slipped on the loose dirt. Lloyd tried to grab him, but was
unsuccessful. The two saw Mulder tumble and roll down the hill, finally
wedging his body between two boulders.
"Derrick , what if he's dead," Lloyd nervously said.
"Just take the money and throw his wallet over the cliff," Derrick
instructed. Lloyd pulled out the sixty dollars, wiping the wallet as
best he could with his pant legs, then tossed the wallet, business
cards, identification card and pictures all across the incline of the cliff.


Friday - Day after Thanksgiving

He stretched his body trying to wake up then started rubbing the
sleep from his eyes. He turned to his side realizing that he wasn't
in bed with his dad. He didn't like sleeping anywhere else except
with his dad but his mom didn't let him because his dad had drank too
much grape juice and he was acting funny. Well, he was going to his
room right that minute to get in bed with him. He tiptoed out of
Scully's bedroom, closing the door behind him, walked across the hall
then opened Mulder's door. He walked in the darken room towards the
bed. He noticed the blanket and sheets were pulled to the end of the
bed.
"Umm, where are you daddy?" he whispered looking around the room.
He knew that sometimes he couldn't sleep so he would sit on his couch
watching television. "That's where he's at," he thought. He walked
down the stairs, in the living room, in the kitchen and nothing. He
then thought about the basement. Maybe he's down there looking at
his pictures again. He opened the door to the basement. It was dark
and it frightened him, but he needed to find him. The room was empty,
then he remembered about the gun. He wanted to see it again, but if
his dad knew he was there, he would surely get spanked again. But
his daddy wasn't around. He walked down the stairs and let the
curiosity win over. He remembered that his dad had hid the box, but
he saw where he put it. He took the steel box, opening it up, taking
the gun out again. He looked at it, put his finger on the trigger,
then remembered the sting on his behind. He quickly put the gun back
in the box, closed it and placed it back where he found it. By the
time he went upstairs, a tinge of fear and recollection hit him. He
remembered the men taking both his dad and him to that awful place
and the men beating his daddy up. He would go outside, but it was
still dark and he started getting frightened. He ran upstairs, going
back into Scully's bedroom.
"Mommy mommy daddy is gone!" he said excitedly. Scully half-asleep
struggled to get her eyes open, barely hearing the words that Jacob
was saying.
"What time is it?" she asked, looking at the clock and seeing that
it was 5:30 a.m.
"Jacob honey, it's still night, get back to bed."
"No mommy. They took daddy away."
"If I find him in his room, can we go back to sleep," she said
struggling to get out of bed. He shook his head, already pulling her
arm making her stand up. They walked to Mulder's bedroom, opening
the door and seeing it empty.
"He can't be running right now. Not with the hangover he probably
has," she said out loud. "He must be downstairs."
"No mommy, I looked everywhere, even in the room under the floor."
"You mean the basement?"
"I don't know mommy, the room under the floor, where the gun is."
She took the boys hand walking to the different rooms finding it
empty.
"Let's go back to his room," she said trying to make the boy feel
better. Jacob climbed on his bed while Scully looked around. The
desk drawer where she saw him put his gun was still locked. His
wallet was not there and neither were his tennis shoes. She tried to
remember what jacket he had brought to the house, then started
looking around.
"Jacob, let me sleep with you. I bet that he just went running. His
running shoes are gone and so is his wallet." She told him trying to
stifle a yawn. She went in Mulder's bed with Jacob and after 15
minutes of tossing and turning, the sleep took over.

Even his eyes hurt, as he tried to struggle to open them. He was
also cold, in fact he was freezing. The last he remembered was
putting his arms up behind his neck and then complete darkness. He
tried to lift his left hand trying to see what time it was, "6:30,
I've been out for a couple of hours. I guess all they wanted was my
cash for more beer," he thought, knowing that he must have been
unconscious during the whole time. His head was splitting, not
knowing whether it was from the hangover from the night before
drinking binge or the concussion that he knew he had. The slightest
movement of his head brought a dizziness that made his already
nauseous feeling, ten fold. He tried to do a check over of his entire
body trying to see if there were any broken bones. He tried sitting
up, but quickly realized that that was not a good idea. He noticed
his right leg in an awkward position when he tried to straighten up.
His right ankle was wedged between two rocks. He tried to loosen it,
but the pain was excruciating that seemed to spread throughout his
body. He slowly raised his hand up the back of his neck where he
felt dried blood clotted on his hair. He tried to move again, until
he heard himself scream in pain. His right shoulder was surely
dislocated. The urge to throw up was getting stronger as he tried
desperately to erase it from his mind. He was hoping the fresh or
shall he say the freezing cold breeze would take away the feeling.
"No," is all he said when he quickly tried to turn on his side. He
was forced to ignore the pain on his shoulder as he threw out the
leftover beer that he was forced to consume. He held onto his
stomach with each heave, bending over in pain. The more he threw up,
the more he needed to, until all that was left was dry heaves. Mulder
started rubbing his stomach trying to soothe it, remembering how his
mother would do that when he was a child, in bed sick with the flu.
"Mom was so different with me before Samantha was taken. She really
did love me back then," he pondered. He was so sleepy, his eyes were
starting to close, but from past experience he knew that with a
concussion he had to stay awake, "Stay awake Mulder, stay awake," he
thought as he drifted to sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~

"Daddy, I don't want to see that again, you always see that gate
thing. I want to see some cartoons," Jacob pouted, sitting on the
floor in front of the television set.
"Jacob?" Mulder said confused, glancing over at the television set.
Mulder turned his head back to the child, then was shocked to see
Samantha lounging on the floor, wearing the familiar nightgown. She
looks up at him impatiently, a Stratego game is before her.
"Fox. It's your move."
"Samantha?" Mulder looked at her in shock. Mulder glances at the
familiar game board on the floor. He looks up at the child who is now
Jacob.
"Daddy, it's your move on the stego game," Jacob said.
"Are you going to move or not?" both Samantha and Jacob asked in
unison.
"Mom and Dad said I could watch the movie --Buttmunch" Samantha said.
"Daddy, I want to see cartoons," Jacob whined.
"What's happening?" Mulder asked, rubbing his eyes looking around
the room. Everything looked familiar, it was his home, his mother's
home, just like it was back in 1973.
Suddenly the lights went out in the room. Samantha looking
curiously around the room, Jacob sitting next to her.
"Daddy, I don't like the dark."
Mulder realizes that this has happened before, he shakes his head
in disbelief. The pictures on the wall start rattling. The game
board shakes on the floor, game pieces rattle and fall over.
Samantha stands up looking at her brother, "Fox!"
"Daddy what is happening?" Jacob cried.
"No, not again. I won't let this happen again," Mulder shouts,
trying to get closer to the children but feels paralyzed, unable to
move.
Light beams through the window, blinding the three. Mulder turns
his head looking at the window, then quickly to the door watching the
knob slowly turn. He reaches for his gun, but he doesn't have it.
He looks up at the cupboard seeing the steel box. He throws it to the
floor, watching the box open with his father's .38 pistol falling
out. He drops to the floor reaching for the gun but he can't reach
it. He looks up panicked watching Samantha float in the air, moving
towards the window. He stretches again trying desperately to get his
father' gun but is stopped by the sight of a man's shoe. He looks up
to see a tall slender man looking down at him, laughing at him.
Mulder doesn't want to believe it, but it's him, it's John Lee Roche.
The walls are shaking, a loud rumbling of a spaceship turns into the
sound of an idling car engine. Roche crouches to the floor placing
his hand over Mulder's trying to reach for his gun.
"I'll take your son this time," Roche said laughing out loud.
"Fox, help me Fox," Samantha yells.
"Daddy, help me Daddy," Jacob screams.
Mulder looks up from the floor, frozen at the sight of his sister
hovering up and outside the window. He turned his head to see John
Lee Roche holding onto Jacob forcing him out the door.
"No, No, not again, not again," Mulder yelled breathlessly, eyes
popping open. He looked nervously around from the cold sand, his
ankle throbbing in pain. He raised his hands to rub his eyes, but
the pain of his dislocated right shoulder stopped him.
"It's a nightmare, that's all it is another nightmare," Mulder
muttered over and over. "Scully, what have I done this time. Come
and find me Scully. Jacob, Jacob --" he whispered.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jacob sat up abruptly from his sleep, "Daddy?"
In her sleep, Scully heard the sound of Jacob's panic voice, "Jacob,
what's the matter?" she asked.
"I don't know Mommy, I thought I heard Daddy."
"You were probably dreaming. What time is it?" she asked turning to
the clock on the nightstand. My gosh, it's 8:00 in the morning. He
has to be downstairs." Scully said more to herself than to Jacob. A
quiet knock on the door brought her back to reality. She opened the
door to see a surprised Mrs. Mulder.
"Dana, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you --" she started to say.
"Mrs. Mulder, it's not what you think. Never mind, have you seen
Fox?" she asked, opening the door letting Mrs. Mulder come in.
"Grandma, have you seen my Daddy?" Jacob asked worried.
"No, isn't he here?"
"Mrs. Mulder, Jacob woke up at 5:30 in the morning. He came to
Fox's bedroom to find it empty. We looked around the house but
thought that maybe he needed a run, well maybe a walk to clear his
mind. He does that often. We were worried, so we decided to stay in
his room. What better place to see him when he got home," Scully
tried to rationalize.
"I've been up for about an hour. I haven't seen him at all. I came
up to ask him what he wanted for breakfast," Mrs. Mulder said
nervously.
"I don't want to frighten you. He probably went for a run and lost
all track of time. I'm sure he's alright," Scully said, not really
believing her own words.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mulder started getting desperate, the pain on his ankle and shoulder
was getting worse. The sun was starting to get warm but the breeze
of the ocean kept him cold. He looked at his watch again, only to
see that it was barely 9:00 in the morning.
"Maybe they are missing me now?" he thought to himself. "Heck after
how I acted yesterday, no one's going to look for me." His headache
wasn't getting any better and the smell of his own vomit close to him
was getting him sicker. Then to top everything off, he had to go to
the bathroom. A vision came to his head that even in his condition he
just had to laugh. He pictured a baby boy lying on his back being
changed by his mother, coldness hitting his penis, spraying straight
up. "And that's what's going to happen to me if I don't find a way
to turn to my side," he grinned. He carefully turned to his side, and
with his left hand managed to pull his sweats low enough to urinate.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Something is wrong," Scully said to Margaret Scully, pacing back
and forth. "Mom, something has happened to him."
"You don't know that. He probably is too embarrassed to face us all."
"No mom, he wouldn't leave Jacob by himself for so long." Jacob
walked into the living room, his face showing the fear he was feeling.
"Mommy, the bad men took him again. Daddy is hurt, I know he's
hurt," Jacob said, trying hard to hold back his tears. Teena Mulder
walked in the room joining the rest, "Maybe he just --" she started to
say, "I'm worried Dana, what if --"
"Mom why don't you stay here with Jacob in case he comes back. Call
me on the cell phone if he shows up. Mrs. Mulder and I will go look
for him," Scully ordered.
"No Mommy, I want to come too," Jacob whimpered.
"Son, we have to stay here. What if he comes home and no one is
here. He'll be worried about you," Mrs. Scully said, bringing the
boy close to him.
"Should we call the police?" Teena asked.
"He hasn't been gone long enough to report him as a missing person,"
Scully said. She got her keys and jacket and headed towards the
door, with Mrs. Mulder close behind.
"Mommy, please Mommy I want to go," his cries were louder.
"Dana honey, what's the harm. Take the boy. I'll stay back in case
he shows up," Mrs. Scully said. Scully looked at Jacob realizing the
fear he had on his face. She knew he had to be thinking back of the
attempted kidnap on him and the beating of his father from the two
men that had taken both of them.
"Okay then, come on, let's go find your daddy."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mulder's eyes were getting heavy again, he didn't want to go to
sleep. He was afraid of the dream he had before--the nightmare, the
replay of Samantha's abduction and the new fear he had for Jacob. He
tried to push himself up to a sitting position but was forced back
down by the position of his ankle. He closed his eyes just for a
second.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Daddy, I don't want to go with her. Daddy, she's taking me away,"
Jacob screamed. Mulder started running towards Diana, but was too
late as he saw her force Jacob in the car. Mulder approached the car,
trying to undo the seatbelt from the open window.
"Jacob, Fox is not your father, he never was and never will be.
You'll never see him again," Diana yelled to Jacob; Mulder listening
to her words, seeing the confusion in Jacob's face.
"You're lying mommy, he is my daddy," Jacob screamed back, pounding
his fists on Diana's shoulder. He turned to face Mulder, "You are my
daddy, right, you are my daddy." Mulder was about to answer him
when Diana slammed down on the accelerator, leaving Mulder standing
there.
"Jacob," Mulder yelled, running trying to catch up with the car.




~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Jacob," Mulder heard himself screaming as he opened his eyes again
from his fever induced sleep. He was hungry, sore, splitting
headache, hangover and now a fever to add to all his other injuries.
"Scully, please Scully."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Scully drove the car out of the driveway stopping it in front of the
house. Teena Mulder opened the back door, helping Jacob in the back
seat. He quickly put on his seatbelt while Teena Mulder climbed in
the front seat.
"Where shall we start looking?" Mrs. Mulder asked.
"I don't know," Scully responded closing her eyes, her head lowered
to the steering wheel. "Mulder, where would you go?" Scully asked
quietly. After about a minute, she raised her head, turned to face
Mrs. Mulder.
"We past some cliffs when we came here yesterday, clay colored
cliffs, which direction are they?" Scully asked, not really knowing
why that popped in her mind. Mrs. Mulder turned her body, motioning
to the opposite direction. They drove slowly along side the road,
Jacob's face flushed against the window looking at every passerby.
"Mommy, where is Daddy? Did someone steal him away?" Jacob asked.
"Or did he run away because we were all mad at him?"
"Nobody was mad at him, Jacob. You know he likes to go for a run in
the mornings. He probably just stopped at the beach to rest," Scully
tried to console.
"No, someone took him away again. Grandma, you were mad at him and
he was sad and he went away and now someone took him," Jacob said
crying.
"I wasn't angry with him. I just --" Teena Mulder said, looking at
Scully.
"Jacob, we'll find him. Why don't you keep on looking out the
window," Scully said, driving slowly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The hours started passing, Mulder's back aching from the hardness of
the ground. He closed his eyes again trying to shade himself from
the sun.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Don't tell me they went to bed without us telling them. This is a
first," Teena said, walking in the darkened house with her husband.
They walked towards the stairs, Bill nearly tripping over the box on
the floor.
"What happened here? Where is my gun?" he asked making it more of a
statement than a question. He crouched down to get the box when he
noticed Fox pressed up against the corner of the room, knees up, his
arms wrapped around them, swaying back and forth.
"What happened, where is Samantha? Where is my gun?" Bill shouted
asking the same question, grabbing Fox by his shoulders, and shaking
the boy. Fox's eyes were fixed at the window across the room, his
body trembling with fear, still clutching on to the weapon.
"Samantha, Sami," Teena's cries sounded through the house as she ran
from room to room looking for her only daughter.
"Dammit Fox, are you going to tell me what happened? Where is your
sister?"
"I'mmmm sorrrrryyy Dad, I trriiiiedd," he stuttered out his words.
Teena came into the room at that moment joining her husband and son.
"It took her, I triiiied. Dad, I trieed but I couldn't get the gun."
Fox started to cry.
"What do you mean 'it' took her?" Bill asked grabbing him by the
shoulders, bringing Fox closer to him.
"The light, Mom I'm so sorry, the light took her."
"You let them take her. You were supposed to be taking care of her.
We trusted you to watch your sister and now she's gone --" he yelled.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Mom, Dad, I'm sorry," Mulder shouted out of another dream. His
ankle was swollen and the pain on his shoulder was now getting more
than he could handle. His head was throbbing and the nausea was
returning. His eyes were so heavy, so tired, maybe if he just --

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mulder was in the basement of his apartment building, Padgett next
to him trying to throw the pages of his story in the fire. A gunshot
was heard from the floors above. Mulder looks up, confused at what
he should do, leave Padgett to burn the pages or go up and see if
Scully was all right. He can feel that something was dreadfully
wrong, as he takes two steps at a time. He ignores the elevator
running up every floor. He opens his apartment door and sees her.
She's on the floor dead, blood all over her blouse. Crimson red
flowing from her body onto the floor. The puddle getting bigger and
bigger. His shock overpowers him and he freezes for a second, not
believing what's in front of him. He walks slowly to her, kneels
down looking at her carefully, trying desperately to see her chest
move up and down-any sign of life. There isn't any movement, not a
trace of life. He bends down, wrapping his arms around her back as
he brings her up to his chest. Scully's head flops back with the
weight.
"SCULLY, NO DON'T LEAVE ME," Mulder's scream surrounds the room. He
places her back on the floor, knowing that she has left him. He
bends down covering her body with his, holding her as tight as he
can. He can't cry, the tears won't come out, all he could do is
scream at the top of his lungs, "WHY, WHY HER? Why take everyone I
love away from me?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mulder's eyes popped open once again, his breathing rapid, almost
uncontrollable. Another dream-- another nightmare, "I don't want to
close my eyes anymore," he thought to himself. As the hours pass,
mentally he was confused at what was real and what was a dream. His
lips were parched from the long hours without liquids. The
continuous vomiting he had been doing was causing him to dehydrate.
He tried desperately to move to his side to relieve himself, but the
pain on his shoulder was now to the point where it was unbearable and
the awkward position of his ankle was ominous. He didn't know what he
was doing anymore; he didn't care if he wet himself, besides help
wasn't going to be there anytime soon. He was going to die there
"fitting, I'm going to die close to where they took Samantha," he
said out loud. One minute he would burst out in laughter, thinking
how life had dealt him a cruel deck of cards. There were moments of
screams and moments that all he would think about was Jacob. He had
lost his mother's love and now Jacob would lose a father. "I wasn't
meant to be a father, how can I take care of you Jacob, if I am such
a mess myself." Then thoughts of Scully would fill his mind. "My
Scully, I have been such a fool. Why have we been playing this cat
and mouse game. I love you Scully. Why can't I tell you that." He
would shout, tears flowing down his face.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was now 2:00 p.m. and Scully was starting to lose patience. She
had lost count at how many times she had driven the short miles back
and forth from the cliffs and to his mother's house..
"We're wasting time this way, why don't we park the car and walk
sections at a time. He has to be around here. There isn't anyplace
that he can be," Scully said. The three agreed that anything would
be better than the constant driving. They walked down the manmade
rock stairs going towards the beach, searching in every direction.
Jacob walked between the two women, clutching both of their hands.
The one thing that was on their side, was the weather. It was
November, but luckily the temperature was unlike any normal November
day. The breeze was very cold and with every wave that pounded on
the sand, came a gust of coldness that chilled them to the bone.
Jacob mimicked the two women looking all around. He looked at the
incline of the rocks and thought he saw something.
"Mommy, Grandma, what is that shiny thing up on the mountain?" he
asked, letting Scully's hand free, pointing to the top of the
incline. The two women looked up following the path of his pointed
finger.
"I don't know Jacob, it looks almost like something black, maybe
a --,wait here," Scully ordered, walking up the sandy hillside. She
carefully walked up the steep cliff, holding on to the rocks that
were scattered along the way. With each step closer to the black
object, a pang of anxiety would hit her. The closer she got to the
object the more it looked like a wallet; it was a wallet. She
recognized it right away-it was his. She opened it up to see only
his drivers license. She put the wallet down quickly surveying her
surroundings; noticing pieces of cards along the cliff. She hurried
picking up the FBI identification card, Mulder's business cards. She
hurried down the cliff, nearly falling; she needed to tell them of
her findings. She joined the two, showing them the wallet.
"It's Daddy's," Jacob yelled.
"My God, where do you think he is Dana?" Mrs. Mulder asked, her
hands over her mouth in despair.
"He has to be somewhere near. These were scattered by the rocks.
Why don't you stay here and I'll go back up and search around,"
Scully said, giving the wallet to Mrs. Mulder.
"NO, I want to help!" Jacob hollered.
"I don't want to stay down here. We can climb up carefully. The
three of us can look faster than just one person," Mrs. Mulder
suggested.
"Okay then, Jacob you have to hold on to my hand," Scully said,
taking his hand and started climbing carefully up the incline between
the rocks. Another thirty minutes past, when Jacob thought he saw
something move up against two rocks to the right of them.
"Mommy, what is that?" he asked pointing. Scully tried to focus
her eyes, trying to see what the boy was pointing at.
"I don't know, let me go look." She left Jacob standing next to
Teena, while she climbed further up.
"Mulder, my God!" she said, falling to her knees. "He's over here!"
she yelled. The two hurried to catch up to Scully. Right before the
two reached Mulder, Scully put her hand up to stop them from getting
any closer. Teena understood by the hand motion that maybe it would
be best to hold Jacob back. She grabbed the boy by his shoulders
stopping him from going any further.
"But Grandma, I have to see Daddy," he pleaded.
"Honey, why don't we wait till your mommy calls us. Maybe she
needs to check to see how he is first," Mrs. Mulder told him, bending
down to his level.

Scully gently put the back part of her hand, stroking his face,
"Mulder." His eyes fluttered, the sunlight making it hard to open
his eyes until he finally was able to adjust his focus.
"Scully, I was sure you wouldn't find me this time," he whispered.
"My gosh Mulder, what happened to you? Where does it hurt?"
"The question should be, where doesn't it hurt?" he tried to smile.
She took her jacket off, then her shirt she had over a tee shirt.
"Scully, I hurt too much to mess around," his voice barely a whisper.
"Shut up Mulder," she responded, getting her shirt and cleaning his
face. "How many times did you vomit? Did you hit your head?" she
asked, pulling her cell phone from her jacket.
"I can't remember, too many times to count. I don't know if I
threw up from the drinking or from the head concussion I received,"
he murmured.
"Daddy," Jacobs yelled.
"Jacob, is he here?" Mulder quickly asked.
"Yes, he didn't want to stay behind. Your mom is here too. I don't
know if it's a good idea having Jacob see you this way," she
questioned
"I need to see him Scully. I had these dreams; very bad dreams
about him. I need to see him," he said licking his parched lips.
"I don't think it's a good idea but if you insist," she said,
turning around motioning the two to get closer. Jacob sprinted to a
run reaching his dad, falling to his knees.
"Daddy the bad man took you, didn't he," he cried.
Mrs. Mulder came closer, putting her hand over her mouth shocked at
the site of her son. "My God Fox."
"Mrs. Mulder, is there an ambulance service in this town?" she asked.
"There's a committee of around 30 volunteers that work at the
ambulance station."
"What about a hospital?" Scully asked, ready to dial for the
ambulance.
"We have a small hospital between Oak Bluffs and Vineyard Haven,
that's where they'll take him," Mrs. Mulder told. Scully got in
touch with the ambulance service telling them their location, then
putting the phone back in her jacket.
"Let me examine you," Scully said going into doctor mode. She
placed her hand behind his head, as gently as she could, feeling for
any bumps or abrasions. "You have a gash back here, but it looks like
it has stopped bleeding." She pushed his hair out of his face going
through every part of his scalp and forehead making sure that he
didn't have anymore bumps or cuts.
"My ankle Scully --" he mumbled. "And my shoulder."
She moved down to his legs, feeling his thighs and legs for any
broken bones.
"Daddy did you pee?" Jacob asked, watching Scully examine his
thighs, noticing his wet pants.
"Jacob," Scully said harshly.
"That's okay Scully, Jacob I was too lazy to get up," Mulder joked.
"Nothing broken so far, but let's look at that ankle; it's really
wedged in between these rocks. Okay Jacob I need your help as well
as your help Mrs. Mulder. We are going to try to move the rocks.
Jacob when we lift the rocks you have to try and take your dad's foot
out, but you have to be fast and careful. And no matter what you
hear, don't stop."
He looked at her confused, "What noise?" he innocently asked.
"Me screaming or crying," Mulder told.
The two women tried moving the rocks but were unsuccessful. "We
can do it, come on let's put a little more strength," Scully ordered.
After a couple more times, the rocks started loosening up until
finally they separated the rocks barely enough for Jacob to pull
Mulder's swollen ankle. Mulder tried desperately not to make any
noise so as not to scare the boy, but the pain was unbearable. "Okay
now let's look at that shoulder, yup it's dislocated. Let me try to
wrap my jacket around your shoulder to immobilize it."
"Scully, put it back in place," Mulder whispered.
"No, I don't want to right now. The paramedics are coming-they'll
do it."
"I want you to do it, you'll be gentle," he muttered.
"Gentle is not what you need, and you know that. Besides it will
be too much for your mom or Jacob to witness."
Mrs. Mulder sat there watching her son in probably one of his worst
conditions she had ever seen him in. She wanted to hold him in her
arms, but she couldn't. Too many years had gone by without showing
any kind of emotions. She didn't know how to hug him anymore.
"Scully, I need to throw up again," Mulder said, rubbing his
stomach, trying to hold it in.
"Mulder there isn't anything in there anymore; try and hold it."
"I can't," he said, turning his head, retching what was no longer
in his stomach. Jacob picked up Scully's shirt and started wiping
his mouth.
"You'll be better Daddy. I know how it feels," he said
sympathetically.
The sirens were getting closer. "I'm running up the cliff, both of
you stay with him," Scully said, heading for the top of the incline.
In a matter of minutes, the paramedics were at his side. An IV drip
was administered, a splint put on his ankle and his shoulder
bandaged security.
"Mrs. Mulder can you take the car to the hospital, I'm going in the
ambulance with your son," Scully said. "And please, can you call mom
and tell her we found him. Tell her to meet us there," she said
giving her cell phone to Teena.
The hospital had 27 beds that offered the basic hospital services,
including surgery and intensive care. Mulder was wheeled in the
emergency room, Scully close behind. Mrs. Mulder and Jacob drove
back to the house to pick Maggie Scully and quickly drove to the
hospital. Scully was pacing the floor when the two women and Jacob
arrived.
"How is he honey," Mrs. Scully asked hugging her daughter.
"He'll be just fine. He's dehydrated, has a temperature, a
dislocated shoulder and I'm not sure how his ankle is," Scully said.
"My goodness, what happened?" her mother asked.
"He hasn't been able to tell me. I suppose we'll find out when we
are able to see him." A pained yelp sounded from the examining room
that got everyone's attention in the waiting room, making Jacob jump.
"Daddy," Jacob said concerned. Scully bent down to Jacob trying to
comfort him.
"Jacob, your father is doing just fine. They had to work on his
shoulder. When he fell, he landed on his shoulder, which made it
dislocate. See, right here --" Scully explained placing her hand on
his shoulder trying to make the boy understand. "This bone right
here, comes out of it's socket and they have to put it back in. It
hurts a lot but it will feel a lot better." Jacob bowed his head
trying to understand.
"Dana, I don't think it's a good idea that Jacob is here. He's too
young to see his father in this state," Mrs. Mulder said worried.
Jacob looked up at his grandmother, upset at what she had just said,
"Grandma, I have to see my daddy. I have to take care of him."
The doctor came out of the examining room, joining the waiting
family. "Mr. Mulder has been through quite an ordeal. He is being
fed intravenously. It was a miracle that nothing was broken. The
shoulder is back in place and his ankle is very badly sprained. It
looks like the bump on his head did give him a concussion, but not
bad enough to worry. I would like to keep him overnight for
observation. He'll be able to go home tomorrow. He told me that you
are his partner and his doctor?" the doctor turned, facing Scully.
"I am his partner, and yes I'm also a doctor," she responded.
"Then he'll be in good hands. He did confide in me that during his
unconscious moments, he had horrible nightmares and he's afraid to go
to sleep. We are going to give him something to help him sleep. When
you take him home tomorrow, you can do the same. That's if he asks
for the medication. The medication will help him relax. I suggest
that you keep an eye on him. He didn't really mention what happened,
but he might be suppressing the event and it's manifesting in his
dreams. You can go see him now, but don't be long-he needs his
rest," the doctor said, walking towards Jacob. "And you are?" he
asked.
"He's my daddy. I have to take care of him," he said proudly.
"I see your dad is in good hands. I'm sure he wants to see you, go
on in."
Scully took a hold of Jacob's hand starting to walk in the room,
when Mrs. Mulder stopped them, placing her hand on the boy's shoulder.
"He'll be alright Mrs. Mulder, believe me, he's seen him in worst
shape. I think it will be worse for both of them if they don't see
each other," Scully told her.
Mrs. Scully was the first in the room, walking around to the head of
the bed.
"You had us all worried," Mrs. Scully said, bending down giving him
a kiss on the forehead.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Scully, I just went for a walk."
Margaret Scully stepped back, giving room to her daughter and Jacob
to get close.
"Do you want another drink?" Scully whispered, taking her turn
bending down kissing him on the forehead. Mulder took that quick
moment to whisper in her ear, "I dare you to me on my lips."
"Like I said before Mulder, in your dreams." She picked Jacob up
putting him on the bed with him. "Be careful you don't hurt his
right side."
"Daddy, what am I going to do with you?" he said flabbergasted. The
whole room chuckled at the remark of the boy. "What happened daddy?"
"Son I did something I've told you many times not to do. I got in a
car with strangers," he said, trying to wrap his good arm around him.
Scully helped by maneuvering the IV's out of the way. Jacob lay down
along side of him kissing him.
"Daddy, you have to stay in the house because you always get in
trouble," Jacob said. Mrs. Mulder walked closer to the bed, putting
her hand on his leg.
"How are you feeling son?" she asked, staying a distant away.
"I'll be okay, mom, sorry I worried all of you."
Scully sat on the corner of the bed holding his hand, unconsciously
caressing it. Mrs. Scully walked up to the head of the bed, combing
his hair back with her hand.
"Grandma, why don't you come and kiss him. You're his mommy right?"
Jacob innocently said. Mrs. Mulder's uneasiness was clearly shown in
her body language. She walked to the head of the bed, on the
opposite side, taking his left hand.
"You had me worried," she told him. "You have a son now Fox, you
have to think things clearer before you do something foolish."
Scully and her mom looked at each other, knowing that, that wasn't
what Fox needed at the moment.
"Well, I think we better let you rest. The doctor said that you
will be released tomorrow, we'll talk then," his mom said, walking
towards him and giving him a quick kiss on his forehead.
"Mom why don't both of you go home, Jacob and I will stay here with
him. I'll call you when we need to be picked up," she told them.
"Alright, Fox we'll try having another Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow
when you're home; and this time no drinking for you," Margaret Scully
teased, giving him a good-bye kiss.
"We'll pick you up tomorrow," Teena Mulder said, letting go of his
hand joining Maggie at the door. The door closed leaving Mulder,
Scully and Jacob alone in the room. There was silence in the room
for a long time. Scully didn't know what to say to him, she knew
what he must have been thinking. She could see him stare blankly at
the ceiling, his adam's apple moving up and down, swallowing his will
power. She knew he was trying to suppress any emotions at that
moment.
"Mulder can you tell me now what happened?" she asked him, trying
desperately to change the subject.
"I.. I couldn't sleep; the room was still spinning so I thought I
would take a walk to think. I walked for a couple of hours not
realizing how late it was. Around 3:00 in the morning I thought I
had better head back or I'd have my head on a platter. It would take
me about two hours to get back so I hitched a ride. Hence, the 'never
get in a car with strangers' theory. The two guys seemed okay for
the first 15 minutes of the ride. They then decided to party and
started drinking some beer. Of course they didn't want to drink
alone so they forced me to drink three more cans. By the time I
finished, I had a buzz all over again. They decided to take my money
and throw me over the cliff," he whispered, holding the boy close to
him, caressing his head, and watching Jacob fall asleep. "I'm sorry
I haven't been the best company this weekend. In fact, it hasn't
been a pleasant one for anyone."
"I know what's been happening Mulder. This weekend has been filled
with memories for you-- unpleasant memories--hasn't it?" Scully asked.
"I don't know why. Maybe the holidays bring these feelings forward.
It's silly, I know. I know I haven't been fair to Mom. She invited
us to enjoy our company and I --" he trailed off with his words.
"Why don't you go to sleep," she suggested.
"NO, I don't want to go to sleep. I slept already," his voice
coming out louder than he wanted it to.
"Why don't you want to go to sleep?" Scully asked, remembering the
doctor's words.
"No reason, I'll try." The hours passed with, Scully sitting next
to the bed watching Mulder sleep. She noticed his sleep was not
peaceful, his expression on his face twitching at whatever dreams he
was having.
Visiting hours passed Scully started waking Jacob up so they could
go home and get a good night rest themselves. "Jacob, let's go home
now. We'll come back early tomorrow so we can take your father home."
"No, I want to stay here. I won't hurt him, I'll be careful," Jacob
said.
"The nurse's won't allow it. We'll be here first thing in the
morning. Besides, your father needs to rest or he might not be able
to come home tomorrow." With those words Jacob thought that it would
be best to go home and make sure that his dad would be home the
following day. Jacob crawled closer to his face giving him a kiss,
Scully walking close to him, doing the same. They left Mulder alone;
alone to handle his own nightmares.

"I'm sorry Dad, I'm sorry, I tried --" Mulder's nightmare came back.

Saturday - 2 days after Thanksgiving

Jacob had now slept away from his father two nights in a row. He
didn't like it, he needed to go see him now. He hurried Scully,
getting impatient with her as she got ready.
"Jacob, no matter how early we get there, we can't bring him home
until the doctor sees him," she tried to explain. They drove to the
hospital, stopping at the nurse's station.
"Good morning Dr. Scully, Jacob," the nurse acknowledged both as
they approached.
"Hello, please just Dana. How is he doing?" she asked, feeling the
tug on her pant leg. "What Jacob?"
"Can I go see him?" he pleaded.
"Sure you can. I'm sure he'll be very happy to see you. You know
where the room is," the nurse told Jacob. Smiling from ear to ear,
he quickly walked to the room to see his father.
"Your son is very attached to his father. I think that was one of
the reasons he was restless last night," the nurse mentioned.
"Yes Jacob is very attached to his dad," she said, listening to the
nurse's words. "Son had a nice ring to it and no one needed to know
any different. How was Mulder last night?" Scully added, changing the
subject.
"He didn't sleep well last night. We tried giving him some meds to
relax him, but he wouldn't take them. He said he was afraid to go to
sleep; kept on saying he'll have nightmares," the nurse explained to
Scully. She tried to hide her concern for her partner, but that was
the second person in two days that mentioned about his nightmares.
She knew he had them frequently, but now she was worried that the
events of the last couple of days had brought his dreams ten fold.
"In our profession we see a lot of things that aren't very pleasant.
He tends to bring the cases home with him until they get solved.
With each case, I think a part of him goes with it. Has the doctor
released him yet?"
"Yes he has, as a matter of fact he gave me instructions to give to
you. I'll get the medication and everything ready for his release."

"Daddy are you okay?" Jacob asked, running to the bed.
"I'm okay. I missed you son. Where is Dana?"
"Mommy is outside talking to the nurse. Daddy I think you can come
home today. I love Mommy, but I don't like her taking me showers and
sleeping with her." Mulder smiled motioning the child to get closer.
Jacob stood on his tiptoes giving him a kiss. Scully walked in the
room, the nurse behind her pushing a wheelchair. Scully had brought
a change of clothing for him to dress.
"Mulder, I think the tee-shirt is out of the question," she said,
looking at his tightly bandaged shoulder. At least they didn't cast
your ankle."
"It's just badly sprained. Can we go home now?" he asked
impatiently. The nurse left the wheelchair and left the room. Scully
walked up to Mulder, bending over the bed, giving him a quick kiss on
his lips.
"How are you feeling?" she whispered.
"Tired, sore, hurting, let me see--anymore adjectives I can say."
"The nurse said you couldn't sleep. What's going on in there?" she
asked, tapping her fingers in his temples.
"Later, not now," he responded looking at Jacob.
"Daddy do you want me to help you get dressed?"
"I'm afraid that's not all your going to be helping him with. Come
on Jacob, let's help him," she said, bringing the railing down. I
don't know if you're going to be able to dress yourself, want us to
help you?" Scully asked, giving him a mischievous look.
"I want the nurse to dress me," he shot back.
"If that's what you want," she responded walking out of the room.
"I'm just kidding," Mulder quickly said. Scully came back into the
room with Nurse Paul, a big burly male nurse.
"Paul, I think my partner needs help changing. Come here Jacob,
let's give him some room." Mulder gave her the dirtiest glance he
could muster. Nurse Paul helped him out of the hospital gown,
slipping on his boxers and sweat pants. He helped him out of the
bed, carefully bringing him to the wheelchair. Scully brought his
jacket, placing it over his shoulders.
"You're going to get it Scully," Mulder said under his breath.
"Maybe you'll learn one day to stop throwing in your two cents."
They checked him out of the hospital, Nurse Paul pushing the
wheelchair, waiting in the lobby for Scully to drive the car to the
front door.
"You win," Mulder said, breaking the silence in the car. "What are
you thinking about?"
"How we are going to get you in the house. Can you put any weight on
your foot?"
"I'll try, Scully, why don't we head on home today? You can pack
our clothes, and drive back. I'll even let you stay a couple of days
until I can maneuver around," Mulder suggested.
"No Mulder, there are too many loose ends. You and I are going to
have a long talk." They drove to the front of the house, waiting for
the two older women to come out and help them. They opened the door
to the car, swung his legs around the seat and slowly had him in a
standing position.
"Put your weight on me," Scully said, her arms wrapped around his
back, his left arm around her shoulder. He took step by step, very
slowly until they finally reached the house. The three women
abruptly stopped looking at the stairs in front of them, obviously
all three thinking of the same thing 'how are they going to get him
upstairs'. With pure determination and taking it very slow, they
finally got him to his room and helped him in bed.
"Do you want to eat?" Mrs. Scully asked.
"I am hungry. I think it will stay in my stomach."
"Daddy, do you want some grape juice?" he asked innocently.
"Who put him up to that?" Mulder asked, looking at the three. All
three shaking their head, lifting their shoulders.
"Out of the mouths of babes," Scully said.
The tray of food was brought to him, "Let me guess, turkey
sandwich?" he asked.
"Daddy how are you going to eat with that thing on your arm?" Jacob
asked, looking at the bandaged shoulder.
"Do you want to help him eat?" Scully asked. Jacob shook his head,
walking to the tray, getting the fork and helping him with the potato
salad.
Teena and Margaret walked into the room, "We're going to the store,
Jacob do you want to come with us?"
"I think that's a great idea, Jacob why don't you go with your
grandmas? Besides your dad has to rest," Scully said.
Scully moved the tray out of the way, helped him lie back on the bed
and covered him with the afghan.
"So Mulder I'm listening," she said, sitting at the edge of the bed.
"Listening to what?" Mulder asked, knowing why she was asking that
question.
"Mulder I know you didn't want to be here, but you told me you were
going to try. Yesterday was a disaster but I can see that you've
suffered the consequences. I imagine the reason you went walking was
to clear your head, but to get in a car with strangers; what were you
thinking?"
"One of my bone-head ideas, right."
"The doctor and nurses told me you were having nightmares last
night. Now, I know they are part of you, and I wouldn't think twice
about them, but they emphasized how afraid you were to go to sleep.
Are you going to tell me about them?"
He turned his head facing the window in deep concentration, "I had a
concussion, I was dreaming crazy things."
"Yes I understand about having nightmares at that time, but what
about the hospital, what did you dream there?"
"The same thing, over and over again," he mumbled.
"Are you going to tell me?"
"Not now please, later," he tried to avoid the questions.
"Alright later. Right now I want you to take a nap; I'll be
downstairs," Scully said, testing him.
"NO," he abruptly said.
"No what?" she responded picking up the tray.
"Um, I am tired, but can you stay here; until I fall asleep," he
said flustered.
"Why do you want me to stay?" she pursued.
"I'm afraid to go to sleep, I don't want to dream anymore, not the
dreams I've been having."
"Which are?" she asked again.
"I'm afraid that my dreams will come true."
"Let me take the tray to the kitchen; I'll be right back," she said
walking out the door. Scully took her time downstairs, cleaning the
kitchen, washing the dishes, leaving him alone for awhile. Mulder
lost the battle, drifting to sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"You were suppose to be taking care of her-we trusted you," Bill
Mulder yelled, crouching down to Fox.
"I'm sorry Dad, I couldn't --" he said horrified at the look in his
fathers face.
"What do you mean, you couldn't?" his voice echoing through the house.
"Bill, we have to call the police," Teena cried.
"No, not yet," Bill answered quickly.
"Who took them Fox, why didn't you stop them? You had my gun," Bill
shook the boy's shoulders violently.
"I couldn't move, I didn't see anyone Dad. I.. there was a light, a
strong light," Fox whimpered.
"What are you talking about a light, you're not making any sense.
You didn't care about your sister," Bill shouted illogically. Fox
raised his tear stained face not believing in the words his father
had just said.
"Dad, that's not true, I loved my sister," his voice quivered. Bill
stood up, grabbing Fox's arm forcing him to stand up. "Dad -- I loved
her, I just couldn't move. I wanted to do something, but I couldn't,
I..." Bill's hand raised at the boy's last sentence, striking him on
the side of his face. Fox instinctually raised his hand to cover his
face. That only infuriated his father. He unbuckled his belt and
pulled it out of the loops of his pants. He grabbed his son's arm,
striking him on his backside. Bill's anger blinded him, whipping the
boy harder and harder. Fox knew from past experience that if he
tried to protect himself, it would only be worse. He took the
beating, looking up to his mother, his face pleading her to protect
him, to intervene, "Mom please," he begged. But she didn't, she just
stood there, her face blank watching Fox get whipped.
"Get to your room, I don't want to see you," Bill shouted after he
tired of hitting him. Fox could barely move, his backside and thighs
stinging. He walked slowly up to his room, trying hard not to cry
anymore. He went to his room, falling on his bed, smothering his
face on the pillow trying so hard to stifle his cries.
"Bill, please call the police. They can't be that far away," Teena
pleaded.
"You don't understand Teena, we can't call the police," he shouted,
throwing down the belt, "I have to go somewhere, I won't be back
until tomorrow," he added storming out of the house. Fox heard his
mother's cry. He heard her coming up the stairs, "Mom, I need you,
please come here," he whispered a prayer; but his mother didn't come,
instead she went in her room. He needed his mother so badly, he
wanted someone to hug him, "I tried, I do love my sister," he
muttered walking slowly to his mother's room. Before he walked in
the room, he heard her talking, but to who? "She's calling the
police, she wants them to take me away," he thought.
"You have to come here, they took Samantha," Teena told someone on
the phone. "Bill took off, he said he's not coming home until
tomorrow. I need to see you, please come over; Samantha is gone,"
Teena's rambling sentences jumped from topic to topic. "I need to
see you." Fox kept on listening to the one way conversation. "Fox
was here with her, he said he didn't see anything, just a light. Yes
I'm sure, Bill is too upset, he won't come back until tomorrow."
With those last words, she hung up the phone, Fox hurried back to his
room. "Maybe she'll come and see me now," he wished. But she didn't
go to him; he lay on his bed, holding the picture of Samantha and
him, close to his chest. A short time passed when he heard a car
park in front of the house, he slowly got off of his bed walking
towards the window. It was he, the man that sometimes came over when
his father was gone for days. He would only come over when his dad
was away. He didn't like him there because all he did was smoke, and
smell up the house. The smoking man walked towards the front door
and walked in without being let in. Fox opened the door just far
enough to peek at the man walking up the stairs and walking in his
mother's bedroom.
"Teena, sweetheart I'm here," Fox heard the man say to his mother.
He walked slowly towards the room, trying desperately not to make the
floorboards creak. He saw the man sit on the bed, taking his mother
in his arms. Her sobs were loud until they were muffled by the man's
chest as he hugged her tenderly.
"Where is Fox?" the man asked.
"I don't know; in his room I think. Bill beat him, he hit him
really hard," she cried. "I thought he was going to kill him."
"I told you Teena, he won't harm the boy. I won't let anyone ever
hurt him. I'll always protect him. He's our.."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Mulder, you're having a nightmare, Mulder get up," Scully said
shaking him carefully from his thrashing. Mulders woke up startled,
gasping for air, his face soaked with perspiration.
"Mom, mom --" he shouted.
"Mulder it's me, you're dreaming," Scully said. It took a couple of
moments before Mulder got his bearings, looking around the room,
trying to focus. "What were you dreaming about?" Scully added.
"Where's mom? I need to ask her something."
"Your mom, Jacob and my mom went to the store, why?" she asked.
"Tell me about the dream," she insisted, hoping that maybe if he
talked about it, it would help him.
"Not important, I just need to ask her a question," he insisted.


Local Restaurant

The two older women sat in a family restaurant watching Jacob eating
his hamburger and fries.
"Jacob, does your burger taste good?" Mrs. Scully asked.
"Uh huh," Jacob answered, taking another bite.
"You have been a wonderful surprise for me; grandma sounds
beautiful," Mrs. Mulder said smiling at him.
"I wanted a grandma and now I have two," he responded looking up to
both of them smiling.
"Didn't you have a grandma?" Maggie asked.
"Nope, no grandma and no daddy. You know, I always wanted a daddy.
When I was little I was sad because my friends had daddy's and I
didn't. I asked my mo --," he started to say, then stopped, thought of
his next sentence and then continued, "I wanted a daddy so bad and
then one day I got to be with my daddy."
"Where is your mother?" Mrs. Mulder asked, pushing him into talking
about his birth mother. He shrugged his shoulders, "my mommy is with
daddy."
"Dana, but Dana isn't --" Mrs. Mulder started to say, feeling a gentle
touch from Maggie. Taking the hint, she decided to change the subject.
"You know you can stay with me when your dad leaves on business
trips," Teena Mulder said.
"I stay with my uncles, Foheek, Byers and Laney. They are very funny
and teach me lots of things in the computer," he said unable to say
correctly the name of the Lone Gunmen.
"Teena I'll go pay the bill," Maggie said taking the check in her
hand.
"Jacob, does your mommy and daddy live in the same house?" Mrs.
Mulder pried.
"Sometimes mommy stays and sleeps at our house. I want mommy to live
with us all the time. When mommy is in our house, daddy is very
happy, but when mommy goes to her house, daddy is sad."
"Where does your mommy sleep?" Mrs. Mulder asked, trying to get
information from the boy.
"On the couch. I don't know why because the bed is very big. You
know what grandma, sometimes I see them kiss, but when they see me
they pretend they are not kissing. Sometimes I make them kiss and
push their heads together," he said giggling. Maggie walked in
listening to the last sentence, "Who's kissing?"
"Mommy and daddy, sometimes I make them kiss," he giggled again.
"Oh really? Interesting," Maggie noted.
"Let's head on back, we've been gone for a long time," Teena said.
"You know Maggie, we can get a lot of information out of this
little guy. Shall we interrogate him, see what our children are up
to?" Teena teased, as the three walked out of the restaurant. Jacob
skipping ahead of them, looking through the store windows.
"They say that children only say the truth," Maggie said, "Did you
notice how he didn't mention his mother. It looks like he's in
denial about her, almost angry. He was going to say something then
stopped."
"Like father like son," Teena retorted.

"So you're not going to tell me what you dreamt about," Scully urged.
"Scully, I've had so many dreams in the last 24 hours, and none of
them are worth talking about; each one ended in disaster."
"Mulder you have said before that dreams are answers to questions
we haven't yet figured out how to ask?"
"Exacty, I need answers -- I need to ask mom what Smoking Man has to
do with me," he said to her not explaining himself. He tried
swinging his legs over the bed trying desperately to sit up.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"I need to get out of here, need fresh air."
"You're not going anywhere, besides how far do you think you'll get
with a sprained ankle?" she asked seeing him struggle.
"Let's just go back home, you could take care of me," he said
winking his eye at her.
"Not this time Mulder, there are a lot of open issues you need to
address with your mother and we're not leaving here until you do.
Both of you have walked all these years on eggshells. Not
communicating, hurting each other by your silence. You need to tell
her how you feel."
"I don't want to hurt her."
"So instead you walk around hurting. Didn't you just finish
telling me you needed to know something about the dream you just
had?" she asked. "Haven't you always insisted on the truth?"
"But maybe I don't want to hear this truth. Scully, I have this
feeling in me that maybe Mom and Smoking Man had an affair. I dreamt
the abduction again, Scully-I dreamt Dad beating me and --" he said,
his voice trailing off.
"Go on --"
"My mom wouldn't stop him, he just kept on hitting me and -- Well,
anyway that's not important. Dad left the house after he sent me to
my room. I didn't remember anything that happened after the beating
until the dream I just had. Mom called CSM after Dad left the house.
Smoking man came and went to Mom's bedroom to console her. I remember
him saying that he wouldn't let anyone hurt me, that he'll protect me
because he's our -- and then I woke up. I'm what Scully? Am I his
son?"
Scully sat down next to him, shocked at what he just said.
"Mulder it's just a dream, doesn't mean it's true."
"You know there's been times; in fact many times I would have been a
dead man, but he has intervened, why? If I ask Mom point blank what
relationship she had with him, how do you think she'd take it. In
fact, the last time I asked her I got a nice slap on the face. So,
don't you think I've ruined the holidays enough already, so let's go
home."
Jacob came running in the bedroom hearing the last sentence, "Daddy
I don't want to go home yet."
"Did you have fun?" he asked.
"Yup, they bought me some toys and we went to eat," he said climbing
up on the bed crawling behind him wrapping his arms around his
father's neck. Mulder cringed at the slight touch of his shoulder.
"Jacob be careful," Scully told him.
"Sorry."
Scully stood up from the bed, "I'm going to spend some time with
Mom. Mulder you have the final word, if you want to go home we will;
but I'd rather we don't."
"Jacob, I need to use the restroom, want to help me get up?"
"Okay," he answered proudly, trying to pull his arm helping him get
in a standing position. They slowly walked down the hall reaching
the restroom.
"Jacob, I want to go down to the basement; need to see some things.
Don't let them know where I'm at, okay." Feeling the importance of
keeping a secret, the boy helped his dad walk slowly down the stairs,
then going down to the basement. "Son, do you mind if you go
upstairs with Dana. I want to be alone for awhile. I want to see
some things."
"But Daddy --"
"Jacob, do as I say," he instructed. Jacob walked up the stairs
pouting, stomping his feet. The room was musty; boxes colored in
age, cobwebs on the corners of the ceiling. He limped to the edge of
the room; slowly sitting on the floor, back leaned against the wall.
He retrieved a box that was labeled Samantha. He wiped the dust from
the box, tearing the worn out masking tape that at one time held the
box securely. The box was filled with baby clothes, booties, and
little dresses that Samantha once wore. He lifted up the dress,
trying to remember her in them. Even with his eidetic memory, he
couldn't remember these dresses; after all he was only four years
older than Samantha was. Under the clothing were the many books that
he remembered reading to her in the late hours when his parents
thought that they were asleep. He looked a little further finding
Samantha's Raggedy Ann doll. He did remember the doll; in fact he
remembered it quite well. Because of the doll he received one of his
famous spankings from his dad. He had gotten upset with Samantha and
decided to take the doll and cut some of her red clothed curls. The
right side of the doll's head was bald, boy did he get a thrashing
for this one, he thought to himself. He leaned his head back against
the wall, clutching the doll towards his chest. He closed his eyes,
trying to rest, trying to go back in time remembering the good days.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"I'm telling Fox, I'm telling mommy that you took Daddy's
cigarettes and put one in your mouth," four year-old Samantha said
beating her eight year-old brother on the chest with her fists.
"You better not tell them or I'll get this old Raggedy doll and
throw her in the trash, or maybe your doll needs a haircut," Fox
said, walking to his desk in his room taking the scissors out of the
drawer.
"You better not or I'm telling," Samantha cried. Fox took the
scissors, pretending to cut the red cloth hair. Samantha ran to him,
grabbing the doll, pulling it from his hands. At Samantha's
unexpected attack, Fox accidentally closed the scissors, cutting a
good portion of the doll's hair. Sam's eyes widened, tears rolling
down her eyes as she saw her beloved doll bald on one side. Samantha
ran out of the room, screaming at the top of her lungs. "Daddy,
daddy, Fox killed my doll." Minute's later Bill Mulder walked in the
room looking for him, Samantha close behind.
"Fox, where are you? What did you do?" Bill Mulder asked, looking
around the darkened room. Fox had crouched between the nightstand
and the dresser hoping his father wouldn't see him.
"Daddy, Fox stole your cigarettes and he was going to put fire on
it like you do," Samantha tattled, "And then he got mad at me and
killed my doll"
"He what?" Bill shouted. Fox covered his face knowing that he was
a goner now. He had been told before about the cigarettes, now he
was in deep trouble. All of a sudden he felt the strong arm grab him,
pulling him up from the floor. "What did you do to her doll?" his
father's voice roared.
"Nothing Dad," he answered nervously, the doll clutched in his
hands, hiding it behind his back.
"Let's see it then," he insisted. Fox looked at him, hazel eyes
turning dark with fear. Bill grabbed the doll from his hands, seeing
the bald spot. "You know this was her favorite doll, why did you do
this?" he asked, shaking him.
"It was an accident. I was just teasing her and I slipped," Fox's
voice quivered, knowing the inevidable was coming.
"And what's this about cigarettes, were you smoking?"
"No Dad, no, I just wanted to put them in my hand, I didn't smoke
any," he said nervously.
"Who should I believe then, is Samantha lying or are you?" Bill's
voice thundered. He let go of his son long enough to unhook his belt.
At his release Fox decided to run for it, he knew that was a dumb
thing to do, but he wasn't going to just stand there. It took Bill a
couple of seconds to catch him, grabbing him by the arm. Fox put his
hands on his backside, trying to protect himself, but it only made
things worse. He felt the sting with each thrash, his backside
hurting after the beating.
"Stay in your room, no dinner for you tonight," Bill said angrily
walking out of the room. Fox's cried himself to sleep that night.
His eyes opened, when he felt the bed move, little Samantha crawling
onto the bed, her hands with cookies and a glass of milk.
"Fox, I didn't want you to go to sleep hungry, does your bottom
hurt very bad."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Mulder's eyes opened, not realizing his eyes were welled with tears.
"Except for the memory of his whipping, this wasn't like the previous
nightmares. It was a sad one, but the recollection of his little
sister brought a different kind of feeling. He placed the doll on
the floor, telling himself that this doll was going home with him.
He stretched over to another box, labeled 'personal'. He felt like a
child again, doing something he wasn't suppose to. He pushed the box
away for a second, then smiled, knowing that he wouldn't be getting a
spanking for this one. He brought the box back towards him with his
good hand, making sure that he didn't hurt his right shoulder.
Opening it up, he found envelopes with Teena's name written on them.
'They must be love letters from dad,' he thought to himself. He
leafed through the many envelopes, noticing the two different
handwritings on the envelopes. This was strange, he remembered his
father's handwriting, and this was not his handwriting. His hands
itched to open the envelopes; 'maybe the answers were here' he
contemplated.

February 23, 1961

Sweetheart:

I miss you so very much, my love. I know you're confused right now.
The last thing I want you to do is for you to have to make a choice.
Bill has promised you things that I can't give you right now. He can
make you happy. The business we're in makes it difficult for us to
be together. Although Bill is in the same business, he has a little
more freedom. I'm dreading that day; the day of your wedding with
him. But I feel that it's best to keep the friendship with him and
keep you close to me. At least this way I can still see you.
Love, C.G.B.

Mulder's heart pounded at reading this letter, his hands shaking
uncontrollably, "This doesn't make any sense. Mom and Dad got married
on March 1st, 1960. She's always told me that. But this letter was
dated 1961. Did she get married in 1961 and --" he mumbled to himself.
'The date has to be wrong, this letter had to have been written in
1960; yes 1960," he tried to reassure himself. He looked at the box
and found more letters with the same handwriting. His curiosity took
the best of him as he leafed through the envelopes until he reached
the bottom of the box. He brought up a small book, the size of a
diary. This was a complete invasion of her privacy; he knew that.
But maybe the answers would be in the book. He decided it was time
to get back to his room before they missed him. He slowly stood up,
taking the doll with him. He was on his way out when he decided to
take the letter he opened plus the journal. It was a long way up the
stairs but he had to do it on his own. He didn't want anyone helping
him and notice the thievery that was taking place. He passed the
living room, walking slowly up the stairs, leaning his body on his
good side. He turned to see Jacob lying on his stomach on the floor
coloring his book. Jacob looked up to see his father struggle up the
stairs, he would have helped him but he wanted to sneak back into the
room under the floor. There were lots of interesting things to see.
Mulder put the doll in the box of his childhood paraphernalia, then
slipped the letter in the journal, and then placed it in under the
mattress of his bed. Jacob waited until the bedroom door closed,
then ran to the room under the floor to see what else he could find.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He ran in the bedroom, Scully on the floor covered with blood. He
stood there stunned seeing the flow of blood leaving her body. What
took a few seconds felt like forever when he reached her limbered
body? He picked her up, the heaviness of her head dangling over his
arms.
"Scully, not again, you can't keep on leaving me," he whimpered.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Scully sat on the bed, her hand caressing his temples, "Mulder wake
up," she whispered, trying not to startle him.
"Scu --." He started to say staring at the very live person in front
of him. He lifted his hand touching her face, making sure that she
was alive.
"Another dream. I'm going to start giving you something to relax
you. This is ridiculous."
"Scully you're alive," he gasped for air.
"Of course I am. Exactly, what are your dreaming about," she
insisted.
"Earlier today I dreamt of Padgett and you," he explained.
"Padgett, I was with him?" she questioned.
"Not WITH him, I didn't mean it that way. I keep on going in the
apartment seeing you on the floor, but in my dreams you don't wake
up. You don't reach out for me--in my dreams you die, Scully. You
die in my arms," he said quietly.
"Is that what you've been dreaming for the last two days?" she asked
him, scooting up closer to him.
"No, I've had enough dreams to make a full length movie. Almost
every dream has had a bad outcome."
"They're just dreams, I'm here aren't I," she reassured him.
"Where's the family?" he asked.
"They're all downstairs. I think they're watching a movie; just
started, Why?" she asked.
"Stay with me, maybe if you lie down with me I won't dream," he said
innocently.
"But what if someone comes in? What will they think?" she teased.
"They won't walk in without knocking," he retorted. She reluctantly
climbed in bed with him, maneuvering herself close to him, trying not
to hurt him in any way. She brought him close to her cradling him
remembering how she held him when they were out in the woods looking
for the tree people.
"Scully, we don't need sleeping bags," he joked, "are you going to
sing Jeremiah again?"
"Not today," she answered him, combing his hair with her fingers.
"I want you to tell me what's going on?"
"I feel like I've lived a lie. There are so many things that I don't
know. I don't know what happened to my sister. I don't know why my
mother has been so distant with me. I don't know what role my father
had in the consortium. I don't know why CSM has been protecting me
all these years," he said, "and I don't know what's made you stay
with me all these years."
"Must be your good looks," she teased. "What do you mean about CSM?"
"In one of my dreams, I got a little further from the abduction. I
dreamt dad leaving the house after he beat the crap out of me for not
protecting my sister. I remember mom calling someone and CSM coming
over. I saw him go to her bedroom. He mentioned something about me."
"Why don't you ask your mother?"
"She won't tell me anything. I've tried numerous times," he said,
his voice trailing off, her ministrations lulling him to sleep.

Jacob tiptoed down the familiar stairs. That room kept on calling
him. There were a lot of interesting things down there. Grandmas
were busy watching a movie, besides he had told them he was going to
see his dad. He looked around at the boxes of books, toys that must
have been his dad's. He looked at the pictures, pulling out some of
the pictures of his dad when he was about his age.  --And there was
that box again. He always saw his dad come home with the gun in his
belt. He saw him take it off every day after work, along with the
small gun that he sometimes kept on his ankle. He would see him lock
up both guns in a steel box. He just wanted to touch it, wanted to
feel it. He took the gun from the box, turned it around, moving it
in every angle. He looked in the box and noticed a small leather
pouch, curiosity got to him. He took the pouch, opened it up and
found bullets. He looked around, finding an old shirt. He wrapped
the shirt around the gun and pouch, then quietly left the room. He
knew the consequences but the curiosity was overwhelming. He went
upstairs carrying the wrapped object under his arm. Hoping the
bedroom door wasn't locked; he gently turned the knob, only to be
relieved that it turned easily. He took a couple of steps, noticing
the two stilled bodies on the bed. * They must be asleep * he
thought, getting on his hands and knees crawling the rest of the way
to his duffel bag. He opened the bag, stuffing the wrapped gun at
the bottom placing his toys on top. * I did it * he whispered.
"Jacob, is the movie over?" Scully mumbled waking up from her slumber.
"I dunno know. I wanted to come see how daddy is," he lied.
"He's doing just fine. Come here, why don't you take a nap," she
suggested. He really wasn't sleepy, but guilt took over and he
thought he'd better do as he was told.
The rest of the day was uneventful, Mulder doing his best to walk
and move his bad shoulder. He needed to get well fast so he could go
home.


Sunday (3 days after Thanksgiving)

Mulder waited until everyone was downstairs when he decided to get
his mother's journal from under the mattress. He had stuffed a
couple of letters in the journal so he could read them at a better
time.

1/20/61
It's six weeks before Bill and I get married, I can't even remember
what we fought about. He stormed out of my apartment shouting
horrible things. I'm not even sure if our marriage is still on. I
had to call CGB; I was so terribly heart broken. As usual he got
here in no time at all. He held me for a long time. I know he loves
me. I'm very confused. We held each other for a long time. Things
started happening. I didn't mean it to happen, but I needed someone.
We made love. CGB kept on apologizing, he felt bad. Bill came back
that evening, he was really sorry for what he told me. We made love.

3/1/61
Bill and I were married today. It was the most beautiful day of my
life. CGB was at the wedding; he couldn't stop looking at me. He
looked very sad.

Mulder put down the book for a minute, confusion in his face. "Here
it is again, just like the letter. The dates aren't matching-Mom and
dad got married in 1960, March 1, 1960 not 1961.

5/5/61
Life is good; I'm 4 months pregnant, anxious to see what I'm having.
Bill is ecstatic, and so is CGB.

"Four months pregnant?" Mulder asked himself, "They were married two
months before and she's four months pregnant?"


8/7/61
Bill is starting to get jealous. CGB was his best friend, but he's
noticing all the attention he has been giving me. I'm wondering if
it's because I'm getting closer to my due date.


8/30/61
There's something going on, I don't know what it is. Bill comes
home very upset with his so-called meetings he has with the group of
men. He is starting to drink.

9/15/61
I'm so fat; my baby has been kicking non-stop. I don't know what
I'm having but I swear he's going to be a handful.

Mulder smiled at the last entry he read, but was still confused at
the constant mention of Cancerman.

10/13/61
Bill had to go on a business trip last night. I was so upset with
him. He knew that I was already a couple of days late. Baby was
already overdue. I had a long labor and this stubborn little child
did not want to come out. I didn't want to have my baby alone, so I
called him. CGB was so wonderful; he was with me with every
contraction and every push. When my little baby boy was born, CGB's
eyes were filled with tears. I will never forget that. My perfect
little boy. He scared me at first, didn't cry-no sound, nothing, but
with a little tap on his bottom, he started wailing. What lungs he
has.

"Stubborn from the beginning," Mulder smiled.

1/23/62
CGB came over with his wife, Cassandra. She's very pretty, very
nice. I don't know why I'm upset, jealous, what's wrong with me? I
am married. Bill loves me, in his own way. And as for my baby boy,
CGB seems to pay more attention to him than Bill. Bill just doesn't
know how to show his love.

8/7/62
Little Fox is a handful; just like I said when I was carrying him.
His curiosity is driving me crazy. He has to know everything; get
into everything. He's already walking, can't control him.

10/13/62
Fox's first birthday, Bill was out of town again. He said it was
important, there was nothing he could do. I can't believe his work
is more important than Fox's birthday. Again CGB is here for him. He
came to the party alone; Cassandra was in California with her sick
mother. So, here I am alone with him. He pays so much attention to
my baby. If he only knew --

"If he only knew what?" Mulder desperately asked.


4/15/64
Fox, for being such a smart little boy why is it that potty
training is not in your vocabulary. I've tried everything. He's
just too smart, he tells me 'mommy pee pee' so I hurry, running him
to the bathroom, only to find a wet diaper. He then looks at me
smiling with those hazel eyes. I'm afraid he knows how to manipulate
me. How can I scold him? Hours pass and again 'mommy poo poo' There
I go running him to the bathroom again, off with his diapers
expecting to see a present for me. No, nothing, "Fox what a good
boy, you told me before," I remember telling him. He gives me that
smile of his. I sit him on the toilet, his legs barely over the
toilet seat. I see him how proud he is, swinging his legs back and
forth. Twenty minutes pass, thirty minutes, forty-five minutes. I
feel bad for him; his little bottom must be numb. His smile has
disappeared, so I take him off the toilet seat, put his diapers on
and not even 10 minutes later, I see him hiding under the table. I
know what he's done. I give up!!!!

"Well, we won't let Scully read this; I'll never hear the end of
this one," he mused. He turned the pages only stopping at different
sections along the way, stopping at November.

1/22/65
What a difference having this little baby, labor was so much
easier. Bill was here every bit of the way. He can't stop looking
at our daughter. Samantha, that's what we'll name her. I am shocked
that Bill agreed to have Cassandra and CGB take Fox for a couple of
days. Actually it was nice of them since Cassandra is due any day
herself. Fox seems to really like him a lot. Might be because CGB
pays more attention to him than Bill does.

2/12/65
Fox is too mischievous; he is going to age me. I walk into the
living room only to find my 4-year old son holding his 3-week old
sister in his arms. Her little head is flopped to one side. I try
desperately not to startle him so he won't drop her. "Fox honey, what
are you doing?" I remember asking him. 'Mommy, she told me she
wanted me to carry her.' I slowly walk close to him then snatching
Sammi out of his arms. I can see I hurt him, he loves his sister and
just wants to help me.

Mulder kept on turning the pages, making note that some day he will
have to read her whole journal. It saddened him to think that by
reading this journal gave him more insight of his life growing up
rather than the years of conversation or shall he say non-verbal
conversations with his mother.

7/28/70
Scare of my life today, Samantha fell of the tire swing that Bill
made for the kids. Fox and Samantha were playing when she was pushed
a little too hard. She fell breaking her collarbone. Bill became
ballistic with Fox. I was so busy with Sammi that I didn't realize
the beating he was giving Fox. I know it was an accident, Fox adores
his sister. It's like the two are inseparable. I can see how Fox
pretends at her pestering him, but when she's not around, he hunts
her down. I want to hold the boy, but Sammi needs my attention.

Mulder took a deep breath remembering the incident twice in this
short weekend. He didn't even push her, but they wouldn't let him
explain. He had already warned her to wait until he straightened her
up on the tire, but she didn't listen and started kicking her feet to
give herself some momentum. The next thing he knew she was on the
ground, falling on her side. He tried to explain to them.

1/23/72
It's getting unbearable lately. I don't know what's going on. The
meetings are constant. Bill comes home with splitting headaches.
He's drinking more, smoking more. I can see Fox wanting, needing his
attention but he's not getting it from him. I'm so busy with
Samantha that I feel I'm neglecting him. It's just that he's such a
smart little boy that I feel he really can take care of himself.
Bill has forbid CGB to come over anymore. And when he does show up
it's constant fighting. CGB has even changed his attitude with Fox.
He used to adore him, but now he just looks at him. I don't know in
what sense. There's something going on. Can't place it.

2/23/72
Bill is constantly gone. And when he's here all we do is fight. I
know there is something going on. He keeps on asking me ridiculous
questions. Which child do I love best? What kind of question is
that? He's always yelling at Fox, my son can't seem to do anything
right, can't seem to please him.

10/13/72
Fox's 11th birthday. Bill came home drunk. I kept on seeing Fox
go to the window waiting for him. And when Bill finally came home he
scolded him for not picking up his shoes from the living room. He
sent him to bed; I know he had been drinking.

7/28/73
I'm getting worried, there's strange men coming in and out of this
house. There's arguing, constant arguing.

10/13/73
We had a party for Fox. He had his friends over. Bill was finally
here that day. Something strange though, he keeps on staring at him.
He almost seems loving to him. He actually hugged him today. Very
strange.

11/12/73
My God, I can't take this anymore. Bill has finally told me what's
going on. He wants me to pick, he told me about the Group. He's
told me about having to pick. Is he crazy? That is my son. My
first born, how can I choose one over the other?

11/19/73
Bill has tried to talk them out of it. He thinks they won't have
to take either one of our children. Fox is not going, neither is
Sammi. He has spoken to them. He has made a deal.

11/21/73
They weren't suppose to take Sammi, it was Fox they were going to
take. Why didn't they take Fox?

Mulder didn't realize that he was holding his breath. Part of the
information he had known was confirmed. It was he who was chosen to
go, but something happened. For whatever reason they took the wrong
child. He closed the book not bothering to read anymore. He didn't
want to read anymore. He didn't know what to feel. From the last
entry he realized that they wanted him to be taken, why didn't they
take him.
"Fox, where did you find that journal?" Mrs. Mulder asked sternly
walking into his bedroom. He raised his head looking at her; his
eyes pained with expression.
"Does it matter."
"How dare you take this journal and read it without permission.
You have invaded my privacy," she shouted ripping the book from his
arms.
"Mom, I need to know. Why did they take Samantha? If you guys had
already picked me to go, then why did they take her instead?"
"We didn't pick."
"Mom, I read it. What was it that you wrote, and I quote 'They
weren't suppose to take Sammi, it was Fox they were suppose to take.
Why didn't they take Fox?'"
"I didn't mean it that way son," she softly said sitting next to him.
"Then what did you mean? Mom I missed you, I needed a mother
through my growing up years. I also needed a father. I wish they
would have taken me, maybe you would have been a happier family. Now
please leave, I'm very tired and I need to sleep. Can you call
Scully in here? I need something to help me sleep," he said
struggling to lie down on the bed, curling up in a fetal position
closing his eyes. Teena Mulder sat there for awhile then stood up,
taking her journal with her. She went downstairs finding Scully with
her mother in the kitchen.
"Dana, Fox needs something to put him to sleep. He wants you to go
to him," Mrs. Mulder said.
"He what? That's not like him. He hates taking any medication, in
fact he refuses to take the medication that is given to him," she
said surprised.
Teena sat on the kitchen chair placing the journal on the dinner
table. She took her hands covering her face.
"What's the matter Teena?" Maggie Scully asked.
"I've made a shamble out of my life and the life of my family.
Things seem to get worse instead of better," she explained. Jacob
was sitting on the floor, playing with his toys right outside the
kitchen, when the conversation in the kitchen took his attention.
"Fox found this journal. I caught him reading it," she explained.
Maggie placed her hand on Teena's back, not responding, letting her
talk. "Maggie, there are secrets that are meant to stay secret. I
can't tell anyone, not even Fox. If I told him what I know, they
might come after him. And I can't protect him, only he can," she
added.
"Who can protect him?" Maggie asked confused.
"Cancer Man, as Fox calls him."
"Teena, I think it's time to talk to your son. He's a big boy and
I'm sure he can handle anything you tell him. You've done a good job
raising him," Maggie said. With those words, Teena burst out
laughing.
"Maggie, he raised himself. When Samantha was abducted I fell
apart. I couldn't bear to feel for anyone; not even to my only son.
And Bill was filled with guilt --" she explained. Hearing those words,
Jacob stood up and walked up the stairs heading towards the bedroom.
Jacob opened the door, seeing his father lying on his side, "Daddy
can I go to bed with you?" he asked him climbing up on the bed. "I
promise not to hurt you or kick you on your owies."
"I'd like that," he responded. He snuggled up as close as he could
to him closing his eyes.
"Daddy, why do you and grandma always fight?"
"What do you mean? Who said that we always fight?"
"I heard grandma downstairs. She was very sad talking to my other
grandma." Mulder held him closer to him, "What did she say?" he
asked.
"She used big words, but she said something about a secret. She
didn't want you to know a secret because then someone would hurt you
and she couldn't take care of you. Daddy, please don't be mad at
grandma so she won't tell you the secret. I don't want anyone
hurting you anymore. Daddy, I don't want you to go away, like --"
"Like who, Jacob?" Mulder insisted, knowing whom he was referring
too. This would have been the first mention of Diana since his
therapy.
"Daddy, just don't make grandma tell you secrets," he said his
voice starting to sound stressed, holding back his tears. Mulder
lifted up his head and kissed him lightly on his forehead. "Go to
sleep son, everything will be okay." After about 15 minutes, Jacob
had fallen asleep, a few whimpers escaping his mouth.

"Mulder, your mother says you want something to help you sleep.
What's wrong?" she asked, walking into the room then added, "That's
not like you."
"Shh, Jacob is sleeping."
"Don't worry Mulder, I won't wake him, now tell me why you want
something to help you sleep?"
"I just want something," he whispered.
"Not until you talk to me."
"Not important, just tired-too wound up to sleep."
"Not good enough, what's going on?" she repeated again.
"I found her journal in the basement and read some inserts. There
were some inconsistencies that I asked her about and she didn't want
to tell me. By the way, what happened downstairs? Jacob came up
worried. He said that Mom was upset."
"She said she made a shambles of your life and everyone in the
family."
"That's an understatement," he said exasperated.
"She seemed very upset. I'm beginning to wonder who is at fault
here," she said angrily. "Mulder you haven't tried, instead everyone
here is walking on eggshells. I can only imagine what Jacob must
think. So I've decided that you don't need anything to sleep. All
you want to do is to escape from what is inevitable. We are not
leaving this house until you make your peace with her. If she
chooses not to then that's a different story, but for your sake and
your sons, you are going to talk to her," with those cutting words
she walked out of the room leaving Mulder stunned. She walked out of
the bedroom, heading towards her bedroom. She opened the door only
to find her mother sitting on the bed waiting for her.
"Mom what's wrong?"
"Teena is what's wrong. I don't know whom to feel sorry for
anymore. One minute I am hurting for Fox the next I look at Teena
and what she must be feeling and my heart aches."
"I know Mom. I just had a stern talk with my partner and I told
him we are not leaving this house until he talks to her."
"How did he take it?"
"I don't know, I left him with his mouth open," she smiled.
"Let me go see if I can make some sense into that thick head of
him," Maggie said walking out of the bedroom, heading for Mulder's.
She tapped lightly on the door, waiting until the door opened.
"Fox, you shouldn't be walking," she said entering his room.
"I'm alright. My ankle really does feel a lot better and I have a
lot more movement with my shoulder."
"I see Jacob is sleeping. Poor little guy, he hasn't been taking
any naps while he's been here. Does he usually go without naps?" she
asked sitting on the chair next to his bed.
"He does get a bit cranky if he doesn't sleep. Umm, I don't think
he takes after me," he mused going back to the bed, leaning back on
the backboard, stroking his son's hair.
"What brings you here. Don't tell me Scully went to tell on me."
"No, actually I went to her. Son, what is going on in this house?"
He looked at her giving a chuckle, "Welcome to the house of
dysfunction."
Mrs. Scully looked at him not giving him a return smile, "Fox, I'm
taking the liberty to tell you about parenthood. You're mother may
have made mistakes during her lifetime, but she doesn't deserve
this --"
"Doesn't deserve what? I wasn't the one forgetting that I had a
child --" he responded quickly.
"Don't interrupt, this is my dime right now." He was shocked at
her response, sitting up moving his legs over the side of the bed,
facing Scully's mother.
"As I was saying; your mother probably made a lot of mistakes, but
you have to understand that her daughter was kidnapped, abducted,
whatever word you want to use. I look at your new status of
fatherhood and wonder how you would feel if Jacob was taken away from
you?" she asked, but not expecting or letting him response. He opened
his mouth ready to say something, but she placed her finger to her
mouth not wanting him to interject. I don't know what happened in
your early life. Dana has mentioned a couple of things, but out of
respect for you, she would not tell me anything; only that you have a
lot of pain in your heart, only that for all these years you have
been searching for your sister. Fox answer me this question?" She
said taking his hand to her.
"What is that?"
"Why have you been looking for your sister all these years?"
"Because she's my sister. I've missed her all these years. I will
always miss her," he said softly.
"Is that the real reason?"
"Of course, what else would it be?" he responded almost upset at
her question.
"I'm not doubting your reasons. But do you think, I mean really
look deep in your soul and think of the real reason you want to find
her. Yes, one of the reasons is because she is your sister and you
love her. But do you think it's because you want to bring her back
to your mother; so that your mother will be proud of you. To makes
things right, to get her approval."
He took a deep sigh, closing his eyes and leaned his head back, "
Do you think that's the reason I've been looking for her all these
years, to get my mothers love back?"
"I don't know, you tell me. Fox, your father died without being
able to make amends. Don't let it happen again. Go to her, talk to
her. Don't wait until it's too late." She said standing up, bending
down to him kissing him on his forehead.
"Now I know where Scully gets her Teenacity."
Maggie walked to the door, turning one last time to him, "Son, go
to her, be the one to break the silence."
He sat there for what seemed to be hours, but yet only minutes had
passed. He turned around to face his little boy. He gently shook
his son until Jacob started stirring.
"Daddy you woke me up," he said yawning stretching his little arms.
"Come here."
"Why?" he asked confused. Mulder stretched his arms outward
welcoming his son to his embrace. Jacob crawled towards him, sitting
on his lap being very careful not to disturb his shoulder. Mulder
put his arms around the boy and held him tight. He rocked him back
and forth without saying a word. The boy was confused but didn't say
anything. Jacob wrapped his arms around his father's neck, kissing
him on his cheek.
"Daddy are you okay?"
"I'm okay. Jacob, do you think I'm doing a good job as your
father?" he asked, probably realizing that he was asking a question
that might be more appropriate on an older child.
"You're the best Daddy."
"Well, now I have to be 'the best son'" he mumbled helping Jacob
off of his lap. "Jacob I'm going downstairs for awhile. You can
stay here if you want or go see Scully." He left the room walking
towards the edge of the stairs. He held the railing taking each step
slowly, not because of his sprained ankle, but because he was going
to have to do something that was long overdue.
Jacob followed behind him, running down the stairs heading towards
the living room where he found his mommy and grandma Scully sitting
on the couch. Mulder reached the bottom step, with uncertainty in
his voice looked at Scully, "Do you know where Mom is at?"
"In the kitchen."
"Wish me luck Mrs. Scully," he whispered walking past the couch
placing a hand on top of Maggie's shoulder. Maggie bent her head to
the side lying it on top of his hand, "You'll be just fine. Let her
talk Fox, don't judge, don't find fault, just talk." He walked in
the kitchen finding his mother sitting with her back towards the door
at the end of the table. She had a mug of hot cocoa in her hands.
She picked up the mug, blowing the steam long enough to be able to
take a sip. He edged himself slowly towards her, walking behind his
mother placing his arms around the back of her neck. He bent down
kissing the top of her head. Mrs. Mulder put the mug down, raising
her hands up to his.
"Mom, I'm sorry about the journal. I really should have asked you."
She didn't say anything, but raised his hands towards her lips. He
walked to her right side, pulling the chair, sitting close to her.

Jacob needed to go to his father's side. He kept on hearing the
older people whisper; they were all talking softly. He knew
something was wrong with his father and grandmother. They seemed to
be always fighting. His grandmother was either crying or mad at his
father, and his father -- was doing crazy thing; drinking that juice
until he got sick to his stomach and started saying funny things and
acting silly. He got up from the floor where he was playing with his
trucks and started walking to the edge of the couch.
"Where are you going Jacob?" Scully asked.
"I want to go get more toys from my toy bag," he responded quickly.
"Mommy can I play in my room?"
"Sure, if you want," Scully answered. Jacob walked towards the
stairs, looking back every couple of seconds until he noticed the two
women in deep conversation. He went around the stairs walking close
to the wall, thanking that the couch was facing the other way. He
went to the door of the kitchen opening it as carefully as he could.
He saw his dad and grandma talking softly at the other side of the
kitchen. If he maneuvered himself carefully, he could crawl to the
side of refrigerator and stay there without anyone noticing him.
Once he got to the side of the refrigerator, he positioned himself as
comfortable as he could.

"I need to know some things. I need for you to tell me what you
know. Please tell me," Mulder murmured.
"I can't Fox. There are some things that are meant to stay
hidden," she answered back.
"No, you aren't going to do this to me. I'm not a child; I'm a
grown man that needs to know why his life has been the way it has.
Why I have lived all these years thinking, wishing that it was me
that should have been taken instead of Samantha. Mom there were
times when -- no there were * many * times that I wished I was the one
that was abducted. I want to know what happened that day. I can't
remember anything, except for --"
"Except what?" she looked up to him.
"Two days ago, when I was thrown down the hillside, pinned between
the rocks, wondering whether I was going to make it out alive, I had
a few blackouts; with each blackout I started having nightmares. I
remembered some things Mom. I remembered the beating that Dad gave
me when Samantha was taken. I remember him blaming me for her
kidnapping. I didn't' watch her like I was supposed to. I remember
hurting so bad, I looked at you Mom, and I pleaded for you to stop
him. But you didn't. You didn't protect me Mom. You were supposed
to stop him from hitting me. Why didn't you stop him?" His voice
quivered with every question he was asking. He wasn't doing a good
job at this conversation. Mrs. Scully told him to listen, to let her
talk and at this moment he was doing the talking, he wasn't
listening.
"I -- I don't know Fox. I was in a daze. When I came back searching
the house I was going crazy. I wasn't thinking right. At first when
your father started spanking you, because he did start as a spanking;
I thought you deserved it, but then -- but then when he took off his
belt and it became a beating more than a spanking, I  --"
"You thought I deserved it?" he questioned her previous sentence.
"We left you in charge," she tried to justify.
"What happened after --after my beating?" he asked.
"You don't remember?"
"No Mom, I don't remember anything else, at least not until my
nightmare I had a couple of days ago."
"What did you remember?"
"Dad was furious with me, he sent me to my bedroom. I crawled into
the corner of my room. I tried sitting on the floor but I hurt. I
remember the front door slamming shut. My recollection is only that
Dad left the house after he sent me to my room. I heard you in the
hallway, thinking, hoping that you were coming in my room to be with
me, to say it was okay and it wasn't my fault. Mom, you never came.
I wanted to go to you, as a matter of fact I did. I got up walking
towards your bedroom when I heard you pick up the phone and call
someone. I thought you were calling the police; I thought you were
going to have me picked up."
"I would never have done that."
"How was I suppose to know that, I was only 12. You called him --"
he started to say.
"Him?" she asked, eyebrows raising.
"When you hung up the phone, I ran to my bedroom and sat on the
bed, again waiting for you. After awhile I heard a car pull up and a
man coming in the house; he walked to your room. I waited until he
went in your room and then I walked to your door. It was Cancer Man.
Well at that time he was my friend, at least that's what I thought
back then, except he --"
"He what?"
"I saw him kiss you; the kind of kiss a man gives a woman he loves.
At least, that was the thought of a 12 year-old. Mom, why was he at
the house when Dad wasn't there? I asked you the same questions a
couple of years ago and I got a slap out of it. I'm asking you
again, were you having an affair, were you seeing Cancer Man. Who is
Cancer Man or should I say, what is he to me?"
The conversation so far was peaceable but things started changing
at the last allegation. The fury in her face came as dΓ©jΓ  vu for him
from that same afternoon he had asked her the same questions. She
stood up abruptly looking down at her son. Jacob could hear the whole
conversation and became nervous when he saw her stand up. He didn't
want to be caught, because he would be in the same trouble his daddy
was in when Samantha was taken. Mulder took a hold of her arm,
persuading her to sit back down.
"I don't want to fight, I just want answers."
She sat back down, her eyes almost dark with anger. "Fox, I knew
CGB long before I knew your father. He was always kind to me. It
was one of those relationships where it was one sided. I loved him
as a good friend, only as a friend. When I met your father, I was
head over heals for this wonderful man. CGB was hurt; I know he
cared very much for me. When your dad and I dated, there were times
when your dad would lose his temper and CGB was always there to help
me. One day, about six weeks before I married your father, we had a
terrible fight."
"Who was the fight with, Dad or CGB?" he asked nervously.
"Your dad. He was very upset. So much so, that I thought our
marriage was not going to happen. CGB was there, he stood by me,
consoled me."
"Bedded you?" Mulder whispered. Mrs. Mulder's fury rose at the
last words she heard. She raised her hand, slapping him across the
face.
"You are still my son, and you will not be disrespectful to me,"
she shouted.
"Why is it that every time I mention this, I get it across the
face?" he asked rubbing the side of his stinging cheek. Jacob heard
the slap, wanting to run to his father but he thought it would be
worse for him, so he stayed crouched in the corner of the kitchen.
"Mom, I read the journal remember. The dates are not right. You
were pregnant with me when you were married. I never knew that.
Does this coincide with the fight you had with Dad, with Cancer Man
coming over to * console * you," he emphasized. Mulder's
insinuations were getting out of hand. He knew he was hurting her,
he knew he was being disrespectful but he felt he had to. He needed
to know the truth.
"I was vulnerable, I was hurt. Bill said some dreadful things to me
and CGB was there," she said softly looking down at the table.
"Mom, what are you telling me?" his voice was filled with anxiety.
Without really answering his question she continued, "That evening
Bill came back. He was very apologetic, very romantic, it ended to
be a beautiful evening."
"You were with both men that same day?" he whispered, then added
"So who is my --?" he said looking up at her before he finished the
sentence. But noticed the anguish in her face. He crossed his arms
on the table, placing his head over them. Teena looked at him
wanting to hold him, hug him like when he was a little boy.
"Is that why Dad never was home on my birthdays. In fact, he wasn't
even there when I was born," his voice muffled from his head still
bowed.
"Fox, your dad loved you very much."
"Which one is my dad?" he asked raising his head.
She stood up, walking towards the screen door looking outside. "I
don't know."
"You what? You don't know," his voice angered.
"I believed in my heart it was Bill. Bill is your dad."
"Did you take tests, blood tests?" he asked.
"Didn't have to."
"What do you mean, didn't have to?"
"I just knew," she responded.
"How can you just know? Mom weren't you ever curious?"
"I always have felt that you were Bill's son," she replied.
"Did Cancer Man ever think different?"
"I think he might have. He would always ask me, but I never
answered him. He gave up after awhile."
"Then who picked me to be abducted?" Mulder looked at her sadness
clearly shown on his face.
"What do you mean?" she asked bewildered.
"Who chose me to be taken?"
"But you weren't taken," she responded confused.
"I know I was the one to go. Scully and I found Samantha's file.
On the folder was the label with her name, funny thing is that under
her label was the original label. Do you know whose name was on the
original label; it was my name. I was the one to get taken, not her."
"I don't understand?"
"Mom, don't pretend you don't know. Who chose me to go?" he asked,
his voice getting louder.
"You father chose and like I said before, I hated him for it."
"Dad wanted me to go. Of course, he would have. He probably had
doubts about me all along. That's why I had to always try harder for
his affection," he remembered.
"Fox those were hard times for your father, the meetings were long
and draining for him. He didn't want me to worry so he kept a lot to
himself. Sometimes I would see him in his office for hours writing.
I would ask him what it was, but he would just tell me it wasn't for
me to worry. Sometimes I would see him go to your bedroom and then go
to Samantha's and open the door, just watching both of you sleep. I
didn't know at the time what was happening until he couldn't take it
anymore. That's when he told me about the group's plan. He told me
that they had agreed with the alien colonist. He became violently
against the plan when he realized that a family member was going to
have to be sacrificed for the alien fetus. They assured him that
they would be returned to us. With that he pacified them by telling
them that you would be the one to go. He met with the group in the
hangar that night and they had a disagreement. What your father
didn't realize is that they had already planned on taking you or
Samantha. A couple of weeks had passed and we thought that it was
over, that we had escaped their plans; until that dreadful night."
"I already knew a lot of this information. Cancer Man had already
told me the same thing nine months ago. But Mom, I have a problem
with the information you gave me right now. If he knew what was
happening, what he had gotten himself into, why did he blame me for
her abduction?" he angrily asked.
"What do you mean blamed you?"
"You don't know what I mean. You just told me that you knew that a
family member was going to be sacrificed. I was the one to go," he
started to say.
"Yes, and I told you that he made a deal with the aliens, then told
the group of your abduction to pacify them."
"Right, you told me that. Then if you knew about the abduction, why
blame me for Samantha being taken. Both of you knew what the
consequences were. Dad had made a deal that someone had to be taken;
yet both of you became angry. He became out of control blaming me
for not watching her properly. Or was the reason behind the anger
that the wrong child was taken. I was paralyzed with fear. Do you
know that I still hear her screaming in my head; begging me to help
her? You let him beat me to a pulp and you didn't stop him. I kept
on looking at you for help; for you to intervene but you let him
continue hitting me. He sent me upstairs and you didn't follow. You
put blame on me when it was both of you to blame," he shouted.
Jacob was still hiding at the end of the kitchen, listening to
everything that was being said. Although a lot of the conversation
was way over his head, he understood the last part. He heard the
anguish in his father's voice about his beating from his own father.
Jacob's memory had returned of his father's beating months before.
He started weeping trying desperately to muffle the sounds of his
cries. Mulder heard the sounds, turning his head towards the end of
the kitchen. He got up walking towards the cries, finding Jacob
crouched in the corner.
"Jacob what are you doing here?" he asked bending down trying to
lift the boy from the floor.
"I wanted to be with you," he quickly said.
"Son, why are you crying?" he asked.
Jacob stood up and walked towards his grandmother, "Grandma, I'm
very sad right now because you make my daddy sad. Daddy is always
laughing and always funny but he has been sad when he's here. I know
I'm little and I don't know what you were saying, but grandma, I
don't want to see daddy sad. And Daddy I don't like you talking mean
things. I want to go home so I can see you happy again," his voice
shaking with anger. Mulder brought him close embracing him the best
he could with his sore arm.
"You're right Jacob, maybe it's time to forget the past. What's
done is done and we can't bring it back or change it," Mulder said,
realizing the anguish his son was in.
Mrs. Mulder got up from her chair walking towards Jacob, placing a
kiss on his forehead. "You're right son, I have caused a lot of pain
to your father. I'll leave both of you alone," she said walking out
of the kitchen. As she was walking out she met Scully on her way in,
"Mrs. Mulder, the taxicab is here, my mother is ready to leave."
"I'll go help her take her luggage out," Teena Mulder said.
"Mom wants to say good-bye to both of you," she said looking at
Mulder and Jacob walking back out. Both walked hand in hand towards
the front where the three women were standing.
"Thanks for the invitation Teena, I had a wonderful time."
"Maggie, I'm sorry that there was so much turmoil."
"Your son has just been hurting for too many years. He needs to be
mothered, it doesn't matter if he's a grown man," she whispered to
Teena giving her a friendly embrace. She then walked to Jacob bending
down noticing his reddened eyes. "Jacob, were you crying?" she asked.
The boy's mouth was gripped tight trying to hold his emotions,
shaking his head in confirmation.
"Grandma and Daddy were fighting."
"Don't worry about them Jacob, they just need to talk. I am very
proud of meeting such a wonderful, beautiful little boy. Listen,
when your daddy is on assignment and your friends can't take care of
you, you tell your daddy to bring you to me. I'll be more than happy
to watch you. I have other grandchildren that you can play with. Is
that a deal?" she asked hugging him and giving him a kiss. The
corners of his mouth raised up, a little smile appearing on his face.
She then stood up to Mulder, taking him by his arm forcing him to
walk closer to the taxicab.
"Should I be scared?"
"Always the comedian. You have a lot on your shoulders, young man.
I've told you many times in these last couple of days and now I feel
like I'm preaching. But here's one last word of advice. Fox, you're
a father now, and with that I want you to * think as a parent, not as
a son * when it comes to your mother. See what she's been through,
how would you feel if your child was taken," she counseled, "Also, I
know I don't have to tell you, but take good care of my daughter."
"Always," he interjected.
"I know that son. One other thing, don't you think it's time to
stop pussy footing around with your relationship with her?"
"Mrs. Scully!" Mulder said astonished at what he had just heard.
"You two aren't getting any younger and I don't want your son to be
more mixed up than you are. Speaking of which, you have a great boy
there. You know how much he loves you?"
"I know Mrs. Scully."
"Remember, he is still a boy."
"Mrs. Scully, you don't know how much I know that. I don't want
him to have to grow as fast as I had to." With those last words, she
also embraced him, giving him a kiss on his cheek. Scully walked up
close to her opening the back door to the taxicab.
"Honey, you take care of yourself and those two, they need it.
Don't forget to call your mother every once in awhile." They both
embraced as she slipped in the backseat, the car starting to pull out
of the driveway.
"Jacob, can you go with your grandma inside the house, I want to
talk to Dana for a little while," Mulder told the boy holding him by
his shoulders. He shrugged his head then started skipping towards
Teena following her into the house. "Care for a walk?"
"Sure, but doesn't your ankle hurt?" she asked.
"Just sore."
"And your shoulder?"
"Doesn't hurt that much, it's healing fast," he said, walking over
to the car.
"We're driving somewhere, I thought we were walking?"
"Changed my mind. Do you want to drive?" he asked, retrieving the
car keys from his pants pocket.
"I guess I should, where do you want to go?" she asked as they both
got in the car.
"I want to go to a little place that Dad used to take me when I was
little; it's by the beach." They drove the miles in silence, parking
the car near the side of the road. They walked the short distance to
a secluded place. The scenery was breathtaking as the waves hit
against the rocks. They sat on the sand; back leaned against a rock
that overlooked the ocean that seemed to blend in with the sky.
"I guess the weather has been in our favor," Scully said, rubbing
her arms for warmth.
"Are you cold?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her.
"A little, Mulder why are we here?"
"I've done a lot of talking today, and I feel since I'm on a roll,
I need to continue with all my thoughts that are storming in my head.
Scully in the days that we've been here, I've spent minimal time with
you. I guess I've been preoccupied with my past. I don't know what
I expected from this trip. Scully I've been meaning to tell you
about a horrible nightmare I had when I was left by the hillside."
She looked at him, scooting closer to him, feeling the warmth of his
body. "I know I've already mentioned this but I want you to know
just how much the dream has affected me. The dream of Padgett, and
seeing you in my bedroom floor filled with blood. The outcome was
completely different Scully. I had run in the apartment to find you
on the floor, except this time you didn't wake up; you died in my
arms Scully."
She took his arm, wrapping hers around his clutching him close to
her.
"It was only a nightmare."
"Scully it was too real. I can't take that image out of my mind.
We've had too many close calls in the six years that we've known each
other. Because of me, your life has been in danger more times than I
can count."
"Mulder, it's the nature of our business; don't put the blame on
yourself. Heaven knows you do that already with everything else.
Why this conversation right now? I don't think it's because of the
nightmare about me. What is going on in that head of yours?" she
asked tapping his forehead with her finger.
"I had 'the conversation' with mom. I don't know what the result
of it was. Do I feel better, do I feel worse, and did I find out
anything that I didn't know? Scully I don't know what to say or do.
I came out of it with five steps forward, yet ten steps back. Did I
tell you that I found mom's journal and took the liberty in reading
some of it? Well, only part of it until I got caught."
"Yes you did, and Mulder I'll tell you again that it was a terrible
thing for you to do. That was her private journal? What made you do
it?"
"I needed to know. It was easy, I just turned the pages," he
grinned. "Do you know what's ironic about the conversation I had
with mom?" She looked at him waiting for him to continue. "I'm in
the same boat as Jacob."
"What do you mean?"
"Jacob doesn't know who his real father is. He will go on through
life thinking I'm his father when indeed I'm not."
"But you are Mulder."
"No I'm not. We can keep on saying it, keeping it stored in the
back of our minds for the rest of our lives, but deep down inside we
know the truth. I sometimes wonder whether we are doing more harm by
lying to him. Something I am so against - the constant lying."
"Don't understand Mulder, what does Jacob's paternity have to do
with you?"
"Because as of an hour ago, I thought I knew who my dad was. And
after my conversation with mom, I don't know who my biological father
is."
"WHAT?" she asked confused.
"I thought that would get your attention. Seems that mother had a
great friend who seemed to always be there when dad and she were
fighting. She said that six weeks before their marriage, mom and dad
had a fight, he left, and their long time friend came to *console
her * as she puts it. Although I believe the support that was given
to her took it a step further, sexually shall I say? Then that same
day dad came back and apologized, well need I say more."
"But --"
"She was pregnant with me before she got married. Scully all these
years I thought they married in 1960 and they were married in 1961,
seven months before I was born. And you know the funniest thing of
all, you know who might be my father," sarcasm filling his voice.
Again she just looked at him, letting him continue.
"Cancer Man, tell me how ironic life can be. My worst enemy, the
man that has been trying desperately to ruin my life can be my
father." The expression on her face was indescribable.
"It's a hoot, isn't it."
"Can't be."
""Did Cancer Man know, did you father have an idea that --?" her
questions were flowing.
"Answer to your first question, Cancer man had an idea, answer to
question number two, dad didn't have any idea. I take that back, dad
started wondering and that's when the jealousy started and the visits
were less from CGB."
"Didn't your mother ever get a blood test, find out who the father
was?"
"Nope, she's sure it's Dad; that dad is my father. As she put it in
her words 'I believed it in my heart, I just knew' and you thought
your science was accurate. Mom's intuition has more accuracy."
"My gosh Mulder, I don't know what to say. But now that I think
about it, even in the worst scenarios, the worst things that have
happened to you, Cancer Man has always stopped it at the end; he's
intervened. Mulder I'm so sorry."
"For what?" he asked.
"For the life you have had."
"Scully, it hasn't been all that bad. Years ago I met a wonderful
young girl named Star whom I married. Our marriage was cut short by a
bullet, a mistake. I thought that was the end for me but I moved
forward," he told. "I then met Diana, and Scully I'm sorry but she
was another important part of my life. She was there with me when
the X-Files were opened, she was my --" he started to say.
"That's okay Mulder, I know what she was," she tried to ease his
words.
"And then I met this headstrong woman, who has been the thorn on my
side for the last six years," he joked, only to receive a punch on
his side.
"A thorn, did I mention a rose; the thorn of a rose," he tried to
appease.
"Well that made me feel a whole lot better."
"Seriously Scully, if it wasn't for you I don't know what would
have happened to me. You have been my everything, my partner, my
friend, my strength. You have saved me a million times over," he
said, turning around facing her. He looked at her with the
tenderness that only lovers could have for each other. "Your mom
said that we weren't getting any younger," he teased, cupping her
face in his hands.
"Mom can be forward."
"Scully, the day in the hallway I almost --" he started to say, their
eyes connecting.
"I was so afraid you'd leave me. I --" he said, gently lying her down
on the sand, he moving close to her.
"Mulder, you're going to hurt your shoulder," she said feeling
uneasy at what was happening.
"It's my other shoulder, don't worry, don't ruin the moment
Scully," he protested.
"What moment are we talking about?"
"Keep quiet Scully, I'm on a roll here," he wrapped his arms around
her, gently putting his hand on her side, maneuvering his hand under
her blouse softly rubbing her waist and then her back. She felt her
body tighten at his touch. She had dreamt of this moment for so
long. Sure there had been sneak peaks, sneak touches, short pecks
that Jacob seemed to conspire, but this was different. She relaxed
her body taking his warmth close to her, smelling his cologne that he
always wore. Mulder held her closer; any closer they would be one.
He kissed her lightly behind the ear, down her neck, turning her face
towards him, kissing her lips, barely touching them.
"Mulder what's happening here?" she asked.
"Shhh," he whispered continuing with his caresses. He kissed her
lightly again on her lips, but this time he kissed her longer,
outlining her lips with his tongue. She couldn't hold it any longer,
as she returned the kiss. Passion filled both of them as their
mouths connected with such vigor, tongues exploring each other. One
hand holding her face, the other moving slowly touching her skin,
moving his hand upward rubbing her stomach continuing upward until he
reached her bra. He raised his hand higher cupping her breast, her
chest expanding with the feel of his hand on her.
"Touch me," his whisper barely audible in her ear. She moved her
hand on his hip, caressing the outer part of his pants, moving slowly
to his belt. She unbuckled his belt the best way she could using one
hand, then hesitated for a while before continuing on to the zipper
of his pants. He unbuckled the snaps of her bra, moving his hand
stroking the firmness of her breast, her nipples aroused at his
touch. She slipped his zipper down, her hand sliding in his pants,
rubbing her hand on his boxers, feeling his backside then slowly
lowering his pants. She could feel his arousal on her, through her
clothing. She had waited for this moment for much too long and now
it was happening. Although she had seen him nude many times, during
his illness, injuries, and even in various forms of dress, she had
never seen him this way, she had never seen him aroused. Her
curiosity and want of him was more than she could bare as she slipped
her hand in his boxers, moving her hand, taking a hold of him. At her
touch, he took a deep breath, holding it for what seemed to be an
eternity. She held him in her hand, playing, teasing, stroking the
tip.
"Scully, I --" he said, his voice in a whisper.
"Shhh Mulder, I'm on a roll," she whispered in his ear. She
slipped his boxers and pants down to his ankles, continuing fondling
his very erect person.
"Ummm, excuse me but this isn't quite the place for this. That's
why there are hotels and motels," said the police officer standing
right above them.
Scully thanked her lucky stars that she was still fully clothed but
Mulder was at all his glory. Mulder looked up at the two officers,
one female one male, "Hi officers, we... umm -- are Federal Agents,"
Mulder mumbled.
"God Mulder, shut up," Scully said embarrassed.
"Yes sure and your both on stakeout," the male officer responded,
his female partner finding it hard to keep her eyes away from his
nude body. His erection quickly lost its zeal, feeling the stare of
the two pairs of eyes looking at him. He struggled to pick up his
pants, Scully standing up helping him to his feet.
"Why don't you two lovebirds continue it at your home. I don't
want to arrest anyone on the Thanksgiving holiday," the female
officer said with a grin. Mulder and Scully walked slowing past the
officers, but not before the female officer took her by the hand and
whispered in her ear, "Nice specimen you have there, you better not
let him go, he'll get snagged in no time." The two got in the car
both sitting silent and embarrassed. They both looked at each other
then burst out laughing.
"Scully, between Jacob walking in on us, and now the officers, do
you think someone doesn't want us getting together?" he asked.
"Maybe Mulder, maybe," she said, turning the key on the ignition.
"Scully, can we continue where we left off?" he asked boyishly.
"Not in your mom's house we're not," she answered.
"But --"
"But, nothing, I just couldn't, nope, no way," she said. The car
pulled up the driveway both walking in the house.

"Mommy, daddy where did you go?" he asked, running towards them.
"We took a walk, we talked, we --" Mulder said, crouching down so
that Jacob could climb up on him. He carried him with his good arm
and started walking up the stairs.
"You what daddy?" he asked.
"Got frustrated," he whispered, turning to Scully in tow.
"Fuastuated?" Jacob asked.
"Yes fuastuated. Mom do you want to go to the cemetery and take
flowers to dad's gravesite?" he asked, as a matter of fact.
"Yes sure, I would love to; what time?" Mrs. Mulder asked surprised.
"How about in three hours, around 4:00pm. I'm tired right now, I'm
going to take a shower and then take a nap," he said walking up the
stairs, "Scully come with us, need to talk to you," he said winking
his eye. They entered the bedroom, Mulder lowering the boy to the
floor walking towards Jacob's backpack.
"Jacob, come on lets take a shower." Jacob's eyes widened scared
what he would find in there.
"Daddy my clothes isn't in there, only my toys," he said nervously.
"Oh that's right, we put them in the drawer," he said. "Scully wait
for us, we won't take long." The two went to the shower, Mulder
turning on the water waiting for the temperature to be just right.
Jacob undressed himself, climbing into the shower.
"Daddy, I missed you? I missed you taking me a shower, I missed
you laughing." Jacob said, taking the bar of soap handing it to his
father so he could lather the bar of soap onto the washcloth. Jacob
finished washing his body then squeezed the bottle of shampoo on his
head.
"I'm sorry Jacob, I wasn't acting myself."
"Uh oh, daddy too much soap," he said.
"Yup, like old times," Mulder said lathering his hair, then trying
to wash out the gobs of shampoo that was on his hair. Jacob finished
his shower, taking the towel to dry him. He wrapped the towel around
his waist, letting his father take his turn in the shower.
"Daddy, why are you and grandma always mad?" he asked, climbing up
the toilet, getting the can of shaving cream from the counter. He
poured a handful of cream on his hand and then proceeded to put it on
his face, imitating the many times he had seen his dad shave.
"We're not always mad. You mean when we were talking in the
kitchen?" Mulder asked, letting the spray of water hit his face.
"Yep," he answered picking up the razor.
Mulder finished washing his body, then started shampooing his hair,
"Jacob your grandma and I, we weren't happy with each other, but I
think we are okay now."
"Daddy, do you love your mommy?" Jacob asked, raising the razor to
his chin.
"I love her very much, just like you loved your mother and your
mommy Dana," Mulder said, shampoo falling on his eyes.
"I only have one mommy, and I hate my other mommy, don't talk about
her," his voice angered, as he stroked the razor down on his chin
harder than he expected. "OUCH" he yelled instantly crying as he saw
the blood oozing out of his chin.
"Jacob, what happened?" Mulder asked trying to rinse the shampoo
quickly off his head. He opened the sliding door, shocked at the
amount of blood pouring out of Jacobs's chin. "My God Jacob. He got
out of the shower, opening the door hollering for Scully to come in.
Scully was sitting on the bed, trying to reconstruct the happenings
at the beach when she heard Mulder's cries. She ran towards the
bathroom, seeing Mrs. Mulder run up the stairs at the same time.
"Why is Fox yelling, what happened?" Teena Mulder asked nervously.
"I don't know. Mulder what's wrong?" she asked knocking at the
bathroom door.
"Jacob cut himself," Mulder said, wrapping him with a towel,
letting her come in the bathroom.
"Jacob what were you doing?" she asked him grabbing a towel
cleaning the shaving cream off his face trying to find the wound.
"Honey were you playing with the razor?"
"I was shaving like daddy," he cried.
"What's happening, is Jacob alright?" Mrs. Mulder asked knocking at
the door. Mulder opened the door letting his mother in as well.
"I was in the shower, I didn't realize that Jacob was playing with
the razor," Mulder said almost apologizing for not being a good
parent.
"Son, it was only an accident, boys will be boys," Mrs. Mulder
said, taking a hold of Fox's hand. "Dana let me get my First Aid kit
so you can see what you can do."
Scully looked up at Mulder smiling at him, knowing that the simple
sentence that his mom had just said meant so much to her partner.
Moments later his mother walked in with the first aid kit.
"There there, it wasn't bad at all. It just looked worse than it
was," she said washing the cut, applying some anticeptive and putting
a butterfly band-aide on his chin. "The cut's not deep at all, won't
need any stitches," Scully said finishing her doctoring.
"Mom, after we go to the cemetery, want to go out for dinner?"
Mulder asked.
"That would be nice, now both of you better get dressed or you'll
catch a cold," she announced walking out. The three walked back into
his bedroom, Mulder turning the lock on his door. Scully dried Jacob
off, then started dressing him, "Daddy, am I going to get time out
for playing with the razor?" he asked.
"No, it was an accident. But son, only men shave, you won't need
to for a long time. And if you want to shave, let me give you the
razor without the blade," Mulder said, bending down kissing him.
Jacob curled himself at the end of the bed closing his eyes, drifting
off to sleep within a couple of minutes.
"I envy how fast he could fall asleep," Mulder said, nonchalantly
taking the wrapped towel off of him, drying himself off. Scully was
uneasy at his carefree gesture, and still very confused at where
their relationship was heading. She tried to avoid looking at him
but couldn't help sneaking a peak as he slipped on his boxers,
visions of the beach flashback in her mind. He went to the opposite
side of the bed lying down, tapping the bed motioning her to get near
him.
"You're crazy Mulder, your mom is in the other room," she said
nervously.
"Scully we're not doing anything. I just want you near me, that's
all-read a book, think, I don't care, I just want you here with us."
Scully hesitantly walked to the bed lying down next to him, Mulder
spooning himself behind her. She could feel his body up against her
back, as she tried desperately to keep her mind focused. It didn't
take long for the two to drift off to sleep. Jacob woke up startled,
sitting up on the bed but was quickly calmed when he saw the two on
the bed with him. He looked around the room, his eyes resting on his
backpack. With his natural curiosity he got out of the bed sitting
on the floor next to the bag. He unzipped it carefully pushing his
toys a side until he came to the familiar feeling of the medal object
in the bag. He had not even thought about it during the many nights
that his father would come home and take the gun from his belt along
with the small pistol that was strapped on his ankle. He never
thought about it until this gun, this was bigger; he needed to have
it in his hands. Jacob took the gun out as he did before, turning it
around, inspecting every inch of it. As he was placing his finger on
the trigger, he heard the moan of his father, startled he quickly
wrapped the gun back in the bag, filling the bag with his toys and
zipping it up. He stood up getting wondering if his father was either
waking up or having another one of his nightmares, he climbed in bed
ready to help him out of a nightmare doing what his mommy had taught
him to do. He realized that his dad was just stirring in bed,
nothing more. With that he crawled on his hands and knees, plopping
himself close to the two adults. He noticed a book on the nightstand
with a bookmarker with a tassel on it. He crawled to get the
bookmarker then went back to his dad, moving the tassel lightly over
his face. Mulder's nose wiggled, his lips moving left and right
trying to get the tickle out of his face, Jacob giggling at the
expressions he was making his father do. Mulder's eyes opened after
a couple of minutes noticing Jacob's mischievous antics.
"Jacob what are you doing?" he asked him rubbing the tickle off of
his nose.
"Seeing you move your nose like a bunny rabbit." Scully woke up
with Mulder's movement of the bed.
"What's going on? What time is it?" she asked sitting up.
"Your son is up to his antics," he said as a matter of fact. The
last sentence that Mulder had said came as a surprise. She was only
known as mommy from Jacob's mouth, but never acknowledged from
Mulder. Yet the words he had just said, gave her a feeling that
melted her heart.
"Jacob, go find your grandma, tell her we'll be ready in about 45
minutes to go to the cemetery, can you do that?" he asked, getting
out of the bed. He moved his shoulder a little more than he should
and felt a sharp pain.
"How is your shoulder?" Scully asked seeing him squint.
"Actually very well, it's healing a lot faster, I just moved it
wrong."
"I'm going to my room to get ready, I'll meet you downstairs in a
bit," Scully said walking towards the door, bumping into Jacob.
"You're already back," Mulder asked. "You already told your grandma
what I told you."
"Yep, she is cutting flowers from outside to take to grandpa.
Daddy, do I have a grandpa? I didn't know I had a grandpa." he asked
him.
"Actually Jacob, my dad, your grandpa is in the same place your mom
is," Mulder said slipping on some jeans.
"Then your daddy was bad, because if he is in the same place as my --
her," he said, still avoiding the subject of his mother.
"He wasn't bad Jacob, and neither was your mother. She loved you
as much as my dad loved me," the words almost difficult to come out
of his mouth. He was trying desperately to believe in the words he
had just spoken. His father did love him, in his own way; he had to
believe that.
The drive was solemn to the cemetery; uneasiness filled the car.
Jacob was not sure at where he was going. He had never been to a
cemetery; as a matter of fact he didn't know what a cemetery was.
Mrs. Mulder tried to explain that it was a resting-place for loved
ones that were no longer with the living, like his mother. The four
reached the old fashion cemetery, tombstones adorning of all sizes
and shapes. Fresh flowers of all kinds and colors were carefully
placed in each plot. Teena walked ahead of the three walking
straight to her late husband's gravesite. It looked like it had not
been visited in awhile. The plot had weeds and dry plants around it.
Mulder bent down starting to pull the weeds out from around the plot
while Scully filled the small pail with water from a nearby spigot;
Mrs. Mulder stood watching her son--her mind miles away. Scully and
Jacob approached the gravesite bending down to help Mulder. Jacob
started pulling the weeds along with his father while Scully cleaned
the tombstone with the sponge and water.
"Mom do you want me to put the flowers in the holder?" he asked
looking up.
"No, I'll do it; it looks nice Fox. I hadn't been able to come here
in a long time." She knelt down by her husband's grave, arranging
the different flowers she brought in the metal holder that securely
fit in the gravesite. Mulder and Scully stood up giving her a moment
of silence. Jacob took a couple of flowers helping his grandmother
slip them in the holder.
"Grandma, are you sad?" Jacob innocently asked.
"A little bit. I'm sad that I don't have my husband with me
anymore, but I'm very happy that I have the most important people of
my life with me right now," she said softly to the boy.
"Grandma do you think that grandpa is with -- with. With my other
mom?" he asked finding it very hard to talk about his mother.
"I'm sure he is," she said smiling at him. She stood up looking at
her son, "and he's with Star." Mulder's expression on his face was
instant when he heard her acknowledge his late wife, the love of his
life when he was a young man.
"Jacob, honey let's go for a walk. Do you want to see all the
beautiful flowers?" Scully asked, taking a hold of his small hand.
She looked at Mulder then quietly whispered, "Take your time, talk to
her."
"Don't leave me," he whispered back nervously.
"You're on your own partner, you'll do just fine." He walked up
close to his mother taking a hold of her hand.
"Mom, tell me about him? Did he -- did he ever consider me his son,
love me as his son?" he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
"You were his son. Fox, your father was not a demonstrative man.
It was hard for him to show any form of emotion, although he was
different when we were dating. I blame the change in him on his job.
Fox he would come home sick to his stomach, worried at the future of
the world. I know you read on my journal that your father wasn't
there for us during important times of your life. I won't lie to you
by telling you that he was terribly sorry that he wasn't. I was
angry with him for not being there at your birth. I was angry with
him for missing your birthdays. CGB always seemed to be there for
us. You don't understand Fox and I don't expect you to, but he was
an important part of your life growing up. I think Bill needed a
little bit of jealousy to realize that we were drifting. He tried to
be involved in your schooling, in all the sports you participated in.
When Samantha was born he seemed to soften. Fox, don't get me wrong,
its not because he didn't love you or he didn't think that you were
his son. But I think little girls do that to men. You'll see when
you and Dana have a little girl," she smiled. His expression changed
from intensity to slightly smiling. The syndicate as you call them
had an agenda that had to be completed; family didn't matter. I told
you before that I would find him standing by your doorstep watching
you sleep. Sometimes he would walk in and sit by your bedside
watching you. He would talk to you for periods at a time. He would
tell you how proud he was of you."
"Mom that's all and wonderful, but don't you think I needed to hear
all that when I was awake. Why couldn't he say it to my face?
Instead I got his 'no nonsense' expression all the time. I was
afraid of him, mom. Even when he called me that evening thinking
that Samantha had re-appeared he couldn't even give me a hug-a
handshake is all he could offer me. When I had to make the decision
of trading Samantha for Scully, do you know how he made me feel? I
felt like a child again trying desperately to please him but again he
was disappointed."
"Fox, being a parent is a hard job. Unfortunately the job does not
come with a 'how to' book. It's a seat of the pants occupation. We
tried doing the best we could and I think we did all right before
Samantha's abduction. Except for his constant business trips, we
were a normal family. Then after Sami was taken we fell apart. We
were so busy blaming everyone else, and yes, also blaming you that we
closed ourselves to the only child we had left. Instead of showing
you how much we loved you and realizing the pain you were in, we
alienated you. I apologize for that son, and I will apologize for
your father as well. We drowned ourselves in our sorrow by drinking
and plain depression, not even taking you under consideration of what
we were doing to you. But Fox, without any help of us, you became an
admirable man. Fox, your father took an interest in everything you
did whether in school, the academy and when you entered the FBI.
When you were a profiler he worried about you a lot."
"Mom, how do you know this, you guys were divorced and barely
talked."
"We talked son, when it came about you, we talked."
"Why did you divorce him?"
"The guilt he carried was more than I could handle. He did become
violent with you at times. Instead of you protecting yourself, you
would just let him hit you. I don't know if it was out of respect
for him, or that you felt you deserved it. I know I didn't protect
you when Sami was taken, but I did interfere the other times. I was
afraid that one day he would go too far. But Fox, again it was his
job that made him this way," she said turning him around to face her.
"You were his pride and joy, no matter what you thought, he loved you
with all his heart. When we had our arguments, he would throw it at
me that you weren't his son, but after he would say that he would
start crying, because he couldn't bare to even consider that you
weren't his. I don't know how else to say it or to make you believe
that he was proud of you."
"Why didn't you and dad come to my wedding? Why did you think it
less of me that I would marry an 'Indian girl' as you have put it a
couple of times."
"Ignorance, maybe wanting the best for you."
"But --"
"Son, I said we were ignorant. Instead of making it the best day of
our lives and enjoying your happiness, we were cold and distant.
Again, we left you to be alone. I know it's too late for your father
to ask for forgiveness, but I would like to ask you to forgive him."
"He did ask me for forgiveness. The day he was killed, I had him
in my arms and he apologized," he said, his eyes saddened at the
reminder of that day.
"And did you forgive him?" she asked.
"I don't know. I think I did. No I didn't," he answered.
"Do you think you can forgive me for not being the mom I should
have been?" she asked, her voice trembling.
"Mom I was never angry at you. There is no reason for forgiveness.
All I've ever wanted is from you was to show me that you loved me,
that's all."
"Is it too late to forgive your father?" she said looking down at
his gravesite.
"No, it's not too late."
"Fox you'll find how hard it is to be a parent, and don't think I'm
making excuses. You have to watch what you say, because words are
never forgotten. You have to make sure he's safe, healthy and be
there for him all the time."
"I know mom, I've had to take a crash course. I didn't get the
opportunity to grow with him. I was shocked at the news that I was
his dad and then thrown into parenthood. There's times I don't know
if I'm doing right, or if I'm doing more harm than good."
"You'll be just fine. From what I can see, the boy adores you. And
son, you have to do something about that partner of yours. You might
be a bright Federal Agent, but you are completely ignorant when it
comes to Dana. Don't let her go son, she is a perfect young lady who
I would love to have as a daughter-in-law some day. Besides Jacob
has already brought her into the family. And son, I may be old, but
I'm not a fool. Stop playing around with your feelings for her."
"I've lost everyone I've ever loved. I'm afraid."
"That's part of life - challenges, you more than anyone knows that.
Go for it because if you lose her, you'll lose yourself." With her
last words he smiled and turned around to call for Jacob and Scully,
but was turned around by the hold of his mother's hand. "Come here
son, this is long awaited. This is from your father and from me," she
said as she brought him close to her, putting her arms around him.
She took a hold of his face with both of her hands bringing him down,
kissing him on the cheek. He stood there for what seemed to be a
lifetime, his arms dangling by his side, not being able to raise them
to join her in the hug.
"Is this really that uncomfortable to you?" she asked bringing him
closer to her. With those words he raised his arms wrapping them
around her waist, burying his had on her neck taking a deep breath.
"Do you now how long I've waited for this?" he whispered, holding
the knot on his throat from breaking into a cry.
"You've waited much too long and for that I would like to rectify
the situation."
Silence filled them both, holding each other, trying to make up for
all the years of his life. His legs felt like led as he slipped down
to the ground, kneeling, head bent down. Mrs. Mulder knelt down
alongside of her fallen son, bringing him onto her lap, cradling him,
remembering back when he was an infant. She held him tight, silence
still permeating their surroundings until he was able to expel a
small cry, a sob, and a whimper until the flood of tears rolled down
his face.
"Shhh, everything will be alright, we have a lot of lost time to
catch up on," she whispered to him.
"Mom, was he my father?" he asked turning his head slightly looking
at Bill's gravesite.
"I don't know son, I don't know, but in his heart you were. That's
all that matters."
Scully and Jacob were getting closer to the two, Jacob's face
filled with worry when he saw his father fall to the ground.
"Mommy, something is wrong with daddy, hurry," he said nervously.
"Jacob he's okay. Your father and your grandmother are making
peace," she said, not expecting him to understand. He looked
bewildered walking closer to the two. They both reached the two,
Mrs. Mulder placing a finger to her lips asking for them not to say a
sound. After a couple of seconds Mulder sat up, wiping his shed
tears from his stained face.
"Well, isn't this a sight," he mused, trying to make light of the
situation.
"Daddy are you okay?" Jacob asked running to him holding him tight.
"I'm okay, I'm really okay. Why don't we go have some dinner," he
said standing up wiping the grass from his pants.
"Why don't the three of you go ahead; I'll be there in a second. I
need to say something to your father." The three started walking,
Mulder in the middle placing his arm around Scully's lower back.
"Mulder," she said with a nervous surprise turning to see if Mrs.
Mulder saw him.
"Scully, I don't care who sees us. Besides, according to the two
mom's, I'm being a fool for not doing something about us." The two
reached the car, both Scully and Jacob sitting in the backseat
waiting for Mrs. Mulder to join them.
"Bill, we've done a lot of mistakes with our boy, and with no
thanks to us, he's grown to be an admirable man, a loving and caring
man. I think he's forgiven us, you can now rest in peace." With
those words she kissed her fingers and then placed them on the
tombstone. She walked to the car to join the rest of her family.
Dinner at the local restaurant was a pleasant one. For the first
time all four were able to laugh and talk. Mulder was back to his
dry-wit, making embarrassing comments that only he thought was funny.
Scully was so used to them that she was able to get back a few of her
own.

Monday - five days after Thanksgiving

After having breakfast they headed to their prospective rooms
starting to pack all their clothes. Mulder and Jacob went down to
the basement to pickup a couple of more personal items that he wanted
to take home and share with his son.
"Have we gotten everything?" Mulder asked looking around his bedroom.
"Yep," Jacob said carrying the backpack that was heavier than when
it arrived. His two grandma's had bought him some more books and
toys. He dragged the bag starting to walk to the door.
"I'll carry that," Mulder said, reaching out for it.
"Daddy I can do it," he said, worrying about the object that was
secured at the bottom of his toys.
"Well, alright," Mulder replied carrying the rest of the suitcases.
Mulder went down the stairs, taking a last glance at the pictures
on the wall. He did a double take when he noticed some additions
that must have been put up between last night and this morning.
Sport pictures were now up along with his graduation from high school
and from Oxford.
"Scully look," Mulder said, seeing his partner walk out of her
bedroom joining him in front of the wall. She smiled at him looking
at her partner's various growing up pictures. Her attention focused
at a center picture. The same picture she had seen in his picture
album in his apartment six months before.
"Mulder," she said pointing to his wedding picture, the picture of
Star and him. The picture showed both Star and Mulder facing each
other, holding hands. Star in her white suede dress with a cape
bodice trimmed at the neckline with braided jute and a row of
variegated colored beads. Her white suede band encircling her head
with 10 inches of suede fringes hanging on the side of her face with
a small array of feathers attached to the headband. Her hair was
thick and black reaching her waist, braided in ponytails and wrapped
with suede cording. Mulder's attire was simple, a white shirt with
white pants. Mulder's eyes watered at not only seeing that picture,
but the others as well.
"I hope you don't mind, Dana, that I put Fox's wedding picture on
the wall," Teena Mulder said walking up the stairs joining them.
"My gosh, no, Mrs. Mulder, not at all. This is a beautiful reminder
of Star and it should never be taken away," Dana said, reaching out
to hold Mulder's hand.
"I do expect another wedding picture up in the wall soon, right
son," Teena grinned looking at both of them. Both Mulder and Scully
broke into a coughing fit, looking at each other.
"It's getting late, we have to be on our way-we have a long drive
ahead of us," Mulder said walking down the stairs not realizing he
still had a hold of Scully's hand.
"I'll be there in a second," Mrs. Mulder said watching the two take
the last bags out of the house. Luggage in the trunk, Jacob seat
belted in the backseat, Mulder and Scully stood outside of the car
waiting for Teena to come out and say their good-byes. In a matter
of minutes she came out with a brown bag under her arm.
Teena bent crouched down to give Jacob a kiss, "Jacob honey, you
tell your father to bring you over more often, okay." She stood up
and walked to the two.
"Dana considering all that happened, I hope you enjoyed your stay.
Please take care of my son," she said giving her a kiss on the cheek.
She then turned to her son, opening the brown bag.
"Son this is a gift from me to you. You may have thought that your
life ended at 12 years old but not in my eyes; read it," she said
taking out her journal from the brown bag, giving it to him.
"But mom it's --" he said not wanting to take her personal life.
"No, it's about time you knew everything, now get going before you
have me in tears," she said, embracing him, giving him a kiss on his
forehead. They got in the car and drove off, Mulder looking up at
his rearview mirror watching his mother in the distance.
About thirty minutes into the drive Scully turned to face Mulder,
his face motionless. They had been together for so many years that it
was almost second nature for them to read each other's minds, but
this time she could only guess what he must have been feeling.
"Hey partner, how about letting me drive. Your shoulder must be
hurting," she said trying to break the silence.
"Actually Scully, I would like for you to drive, not because of my
shoulder, I just want to rest," he said pulling over to the side of
the road. They made their exchange and started up again in minutes.
"Daddy I had lots of fun. I like my two grandmas and you know what?"
"What?" he asked turning his face towards him.
"They said that I could see them any time. Mommy's mommy said that
she has kids there that I could play with."
"Those are my nephews Jacob. And they would love to meet you,"
Scully remarked.
"Maybe some day when Langly, Byers and Frohike are busy and we're
on assignment, we'll have your grandma take care of you," stated
Mulder.
Jacob satisfied with their answer, returned to coloring his book.
"How are you feeling?" Scully asked, hesitating in asking that
question.
"I feel really good Scully, really good."
After a few bathroom stops and lunch stop and dinner stop, they
arrived at Scully's apartment around 6:00p.m.
"Well partner this has been one heck of a weekend," she started to
say but was cut short by Mulder.
"Scully, I don't want to be alone tonight. Why don't you pick up
some clothes and we'll drive in tomorrow together," Mulder suggested,
placing his hand on her lap.
"Mulder, there's so many things I need to get ready for tomorrow,
and aren't you tired of seeing me 24/7," she said. Saying that she
noticed Mulder fidget with the journal on his lap, "Okay look why
don't you two come up and give me about 20 minutes, I'll pick up some
stuff."

8:00 p.m. Monday Evening- after Thanksgiving

Scully was in the kitchen getting Jacob's lunch box ready for the
following day, Mulder was in the shower and Jacob was in his bedroom
watching television. The backpack was in the corner of the room. He
had to do something because he knew that his mommy would start taking
the toys out of the bag at any moment. She always straightened up his
things when she was over. He walked to the kitchen, "Mommy what are
you doing?"
"Cleaning the kitchen and getting your lunch ready, why?" she asked.
"No reason," he said skipping back in his room. He walked to the
bathroom that adjoined the bedroom opening the door. "Daddy are you
almost done?"
"I just got in, why?"
"No reason, just wondering," he said, shutting the door skipping
back to the room. He grabbed the backpack moving his toys around
until he got to the gun and the bullets that were also in the bag.
He didn't have time to look at it this time; he needed a good hiding
place. He looked around wondering where neither of his parents would
find them. He could always put it behind the fish tank, no, that
wasn't a good idea. He had done that before with the round thing and
got in a lot of trouble for that. He went to the dresser that was
closely flushed to the wall, squeezed his hand in the back and
dropped the gun and the bullets. Satisfied with a good hiding place
he climbed back in bed, doing his normal jumping. Seconds later his
dad walked in the room, towel wrapped around his waist, drying his
hair with the other towel.
"Jacob, how many times do I have to tell you not to jump?"
"Sorry," he said, making that one last jump his highest. Mulder
put on his sweats and sat back on the bed, but not before retrieving
the journal from the dresser.
"I don't know about you two, but I'm calling it a night," Scully
said walking in the room pulling her alarm clock from her overnight
bag.
"Where are you going?" Mulder asked.
"Couch," she responded.
"Stay here with us, besides I need to talk to you," Mulder asked.
"Only because you want to talk," she smiled, getting in between
Jacob and Mulder.
"I don't know if I should read this, I mean what if there's things
I don't want to know."
"It didn't seem to bother you a couple of days ago when you started
reading it without your mother's permission."
"That was different, I was being sneaky and besides she caught me,"
he grinned.
"And now that she wants you to read it, you don't; makes no sense."
"Scully, I was a real jerk these last couple of days, wasn't I, and
don't answer too quick."
"A real jerk," she said, "Nah, you went through a lot, and you know
what? I'm glad everything happened the way it did."
"Thanks for being by my side, as always," Mulder said, leaning over
to her, placing a kiss on her cheek. Mulder took a big sigh, took the
journal from the nightstand and placed it on his lap. He rubbed the
outside of the journal then opened the cover page.

The End